haven't been on in a while

[pixie_piper]

i just went through a really rough split with my master...ex master i guess i'd call it now. i found out he was cheating on me. i feel like someone stabbed my heart out a billion times.

[Jennifer Williams]

I'm so sorry, honey. :( It's a terrible thing when you're cheated on, and it doesn't matter whether it was a BDSM relationship. Do you have any friends or family you can talk to? They don't have to know about the nature of the relationship you had; you can just tell them that your boyfriend cheated on you, so they can offer some emotional support.

Just hang in there and keep on going. It'll hurt less as time goes on. As my mother always says to me when something awful happens, "this misery too shall pass."

[Dejah Thoris]

Oh Pixie - I'm so sorry about what happened. Submissives tend to blame themselves when something goes wrong, but remember that nothing justifies being deceived as you were. Please don't become a stranger. I, for one, enjoy your positive, energetic personality and would miss it dearly.

[pixie_piper]

thanks so much. i'm gonna be on quite a bit for a while anyways. my mom is trying to help me emotionally but it helps alot to have ppl who understand the nonvanilla side to things cuz for me that makes it...i don't wanna say more difficult but...oh i dunno the word. im not used to not having rules and structure and guidance and i just feel so foolish for giving my whole self over to someone who i didnt even actually know like i thought i did. i gave so much time so much effort and unwaivering obedience and it still wasn't enough for him.

[13'sbadkitty]

pixie, i am so sorry for what your going through. but as was said above, it is not a reflection of you. cheating is a reflection of that person who cheats.

[Jennifer Williams]

i just feel so foolish for giving my whole self over to someone who i didnt even actually know like i thought i did. i gave so much time so much effort and unwaivering obedience and it still wasn't enough for him.

That is how anyone feels when a relationship that they invested a lot of themselves into doesn't work out. You put a lot of work into something and then it falls apart, and that hurts in a lot of ways. But do not blame yourself. As badkitty said, nothing that you did caused him to cheat. That's squarely on his losery shoulders.

Also don't think of the time you spent as wasted, either. What you have learned about yourself through this endeavor will make you wiser, and improve any future relationships you'll have, too.

[Master?]

Very sorry to hear that Pixie

[TwistedTails]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. But, Welcome back. :)

[Ozme52]

That is how anyone feels when a relationship that they invested a lot of themselves into doesn't work out. You put a lot of work into something and then it falls apart, and that hurts in a lot of ways. But do not blame yourself. As badkitty said, nothing that you did caused him to cheat. That's squarely on his losery shoulders.

Also don't think of the time you spent as wasted, either. What you have learned about yourself through this endeavor will make you wiser, and improve any future relationships you'll have, too.

All true. I happen to have a poly orientation but am very clear and up-front about it. I like my girl to be the same. It's all about your expectations.

One additional thought... though any relationships can elate or disappoint, D/s relationships are far more mecurial. Everything seems to happen faster and bigger. The highs seem to be bigger than vanilla (well, they certainly are for me,) and the lows can be far far lower. You mostly need to know that the next relationship will be better. Both from what you've learned and from the how it compares to what you feel now.

They say it's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all... and take it from an old hand... it's even better to have loved and lost and loved again.

[pixie_piper]

thanks Oz, that makes me feel better. Everyone here is just so nice. i've never known this many caring ppl in my life and it's amazing that so many ppl who haven't even met me are able to show me more compassion and love than most ppl who have. i really appreciate all the kind words and wisdom. Oh and Jennifer, i know that's true and i shouldn't consider it wasted, but it sure does feel that way :-\

[Jennifer Williams]

I know it does. Just remember to use that head on your shoulders whenever your heart wants to run away with itself. Use your brain to remind yourself that this feeling is temporary. And I'm so glad you feel welcomed here. This is a very welcoming place!

[leo9]

im not used to not having rules and structure and guidance

Even some vanillas find themselves at a loss when they lose the person their lives used to be organised around. You're at an advantage there because you understand what's missing from your life, and that it's the process, not the person that you need.

For a couple of years after I released my ex-slave, she would phone me now and then when she needed to be pushed into doing something like finish an essay. It would start as a social call, and then she'd work round to how she had this assignment she ought to be doing, it was overdue already... and I'd say "Hang up the phone and go do it NOW, girl, that's an order!" And she'd say "Yes Sir, thank you Sir!" and go.

There might be a Dom out there who would be prepared to take charge of you, online and strictly pro tem, to give your life the structure you need till you can find someone you can trust to give control to. And you will find someone.