Confused Newbie

[WrathWings]

I have no idea about how to voice this without sounding silly, but I have no idea if I'm a domme or a sub. I have no actual experience in either area and, being from a small town, I don't have many options for getting the experience. I enjoy control and giving up control, but I'm undecided.
I guess my question is this: How did you discover whether you are a dom(me), sub(slave) or a switch? Did you just know or did it take experimentation?
Thanks in advance for being patient with me and answering my questions.

[skittish doe]

There are a whole lot of wonderful stories here on the site (far left link on the uppermost toolbar). I would suggest reading through those that catch your eye. Pay particular attention to the parts that spark your interest. You will begin to notice common interests within yourself. This may help you to determine what specifically you wish to explore more of within this lifestyle. Best wishes and happy reading.

[FrgnSwtc]

well, I can only speak from my experience... which is not extensive by any standard but here it goes...

I started as a switch for the same reason, I enjoyed both sides of the coin and dabbled quite a bit under that flag. After a few years, I felt like there was something missing and evolved into a sub.
Not that it has stopped there... Master understands where I come from (so to speak) and I service-top Him sometimes or outright top if with play partners.

So you see, don't prevent yourself from making the jump just because you don't know in which label you're going to land.
Have fun and I can't stress this enough, do EVERYTHING in your power to stay safe. Anybody here will be more than happy to answer any question you might have.

[Hamishlacastle]

Masters are born that way. Doms are a quirky part of behavioral science, which are formed rather than born that way

[denuseri]

I think you should just relax, stop worrying about it and go with what comes natural to you at the time, with whoever you are with at that time.

You will probabely find that depending upon the individual circumstances and exactly who you are dealing with in any given situation that your dominance (or submission) will emerge just fine when its needed.

I know mine does and I'm identified as a slave myself, but it didn't happen overnight, it took years to really get there.

If you look around you as you go about your day to day life you will see people all over the place switching back and forth from dominant and submissive behavioral modes without ever even thinking about it on a conscious level.

The cop who is dominant pretty much all day with his 'customers" who is submissive to the waitress at his favorite breakfast nook.

The teacher who is quite dominant with her charges at school, but meek and mild allmost begging to be collared when she goes into the teachers lounge for lunch.

etc etc etc.

Relax a bit...go with the flow, stop trying to overanalyze your place in life.

[MacMhor]

you sound young and excited about being free to find who you are. Look around, see what intrigues you, keep asking questions. You will figure it out in the end.

[Ozme52]

I'll give my advice if "Emily" gets to return...

[leo9]

I guess my question is this: How did you discover whether you are a dom(me), sub(slave) or a switch? Did you just know or did it take experimentation?


I definitely had to experiment, though by the time of my first real sexual relationship I had a pretty good idea that I'd rather be in charge. Some know for certain from day 1, some think they know and then find out differently, some try everything and like it all.

Try fantasies, try real life, what works is good.

[englishsubgirl]

i have always known that i am submissive, despite having 'professionally ' dominated others on a couple of occasions. Those experiences backed up the feelings that i already had about which side of the whip i should be on. Mainly because i doubt i was very convincing.... But i have to say, i learnt lots from it. So, even if your not sure, so what? If you explore a bit, and take the 'wrong' path for a little while you can only learn from it. And if you go down one side and end up thinking, oh this isn't for me, as was mentioned before, you can change! You don't have to stick with it!

[fetishdj]

Even small towns have scenes.. or at least one nearby (where is your nearest large city?) Do a web search on your area name and BDSM linked keywords and see what comes out. Add 'munch' to the keywords and see what comes out. They are likely to be very discrete and hidden but I will be very surprised if they are not there...