Finding online doms?

[selkie]

Is it weird or normal to get into and out of several online relationships before you find one that fits? I keep meeting doms who start out consistent and seem to be able to 'fit the bill' as it were but something goes wrong or uncomfortable and it dissolves. This latest one made me feel off because it seemed like I had to be in charge of contacting him first, like he expected me to contact him multiple times a day but sometimes he wouldn't contact me for days. I'm just not going to be pathetic and desperate enough to let just anyone control me as much as i want to be controlled. There has to be that level of trust developed even in an online relationship yeah?

I'm going to keep trying and maybe post my own 'sub seeking' thread and be as specific as possible in that so there won't be as many misunderstandings!

I was just curious as to other subs experience with this and if others have gone through several relationships before finding the right one.

[phinneygirl]

I have been running into the same things myself. I have been told by an experienced Subbie friend that this is normal and needed as you find out who is bsing and who is for real this way and I do not chase them either. I am a sub not a groupie..lol So keep looking and good luck.:278:

[Dommaster690]

Hmm maybe I shouldnt be replying in this area since its a Q and A for submissives but Im going to do it anyways since the banner at the top of my page says I could help provide a solution so here I am=)

Selkie, to answer your question of "Is it weird or normal to get into and out of several online relationships before you find one that fits?" the answer is its quite normal!

For two reasons, because I find it takes twice as long to know someone online than in real life and if they are to be your potential Master, you would want to know them well mainly due to you safety and also there must be a connection between the sub and Dom for it to work.

And second reason being, people can disappear off the face of the earth over the internet. By the sounds of it you have experienced this already when your last guy didnt contact you for days despite requesting that you contact him several times a day. Its a sad reality that unfortunately with many people one meets online, they just disappear over the net and dont respond to emails, dont sign in here or sign on IM. And there is no excuse in this day and age when one can email on the go via their phones! it just depends whether they wanted to email you back. Ive experienced quite a number of times with girls doing such things and Im sure guys do it too. Actually its the number one way for how my online relationships end, they just stop emailing or signing in and I evalutated and its not due to something I said or did. I guess to rationalise it, its just easier to disappear than to have to email someone and say its over, for example how much have anyone dreaded breaking up with someone?

So its quite normal to be in several online relationships before you find one that works. Ive been searching online for a year and a bit and most times I feel like Im hitting against the wall since it could be rosy and great one day and the next thing you know, I havent heard from them in a week.

And yes you are right, you cant let just anyone control you. For me I generally get girls to email me first because it shows intiation and interest on their part but I would email back! so You definetly do need to find someone who is as committed to a long term online relationship as much as you and not disappear on days on end without explanation and come back when they get bored or want some attention... You'll find someone... just perserve in your search and find someone great since online relationships can be really hard especially with time zones but some effort on both parties can make it happen=) Hope my experience with online relationships helps with your question=)

[fetishdj]

Yes, it is very normal. In fact, I would say that it is incredibly abnormal not to take a long time to find the right 'fit' both online and in real life. Whether you take a long time to find 'the right one' through lots of play with lots of different people or through lots of play with one person who eventually becomes 'the one' or a combination of the two it is very likely that you have to build experience and trust and work on relationships before you can be 'good enough' to make something long lasting.

[selkie]

I've decided I need to stop trying to look outside myself and try and find what is inside that makes me want to submit and work my way out from there. Thanks for the advice guys, you rock :)