submissive or not??

[juih_b]

I'm 20 and new here.I had a brief BDSM experience online once(just out of curiosity), So the things i have learned about myself are.. i like submitting(to the right person), i like being told to do certain things in a certain way, bt i m not the one who will blindly follow whatever i m told. I m not much into pain, but light spanking does turns me on(ahhh..!).. but again i m not so much into submitting sexually(I'm a virgin by choice), but i carve to be punished for my mistakes...i m obviously very confused..i would really appreciate you views about my situation.. feel free to ask any questions
P.S.- I'm looking for an online master.. plz PM me if anyone's interested.

[Red Dragon {mpellegrino}]

Aloha

The bdsm library is a wonderful place for those who are confused. We are a very friendly community and love to try and answer questions. I would not presume to be able to answer yours, however; I would maybe give two points that immediately occur to me. I am sure the wonderful subs here will correct me if I am misguided.

First, perhaps joining in the chat room when it working again would be a help and you talk to some experienced and kind people (beware there are always a few of us nuts around) but the likes of Angelic Zest, Densurii, Minxy, Moco ohhh and so many more that will hit me I didn't mention them (sorry ladies) will offer all sorts of advice and help.

Second, I would advice taking time to find a Master Julie. Sometime it takes time to find people that will push the right buttons for you. I would take time to talk with many before I started to look. Perhaps number one will be the most wonderful but, invariably not it seems. Best to be cautious I think. Sometimes just playing in one of the chat rooms can give an insight into what may be appealing to you. Certainly this is a pretty safe way to experiment.

Should you wish a male perspective at any time please feel free to approach me and I will be happy to give my lowly opinions. (I'm sure some of the girls will tell you how wicked I am if you ask them)

Finally, welcome to us and have fun.

Regards Dragon

[denuseri]

It also is a little early (especially if your just starting out) to decide exactly what associated title one should be calling oneself.

Saftey first~ Kinky Second!

[Kuve {Sett}]

Very few people are completely submissive, in most cases, like yourself, they are people who enjoying being submissive to people of their choice to a degree with which they are comfortable. This being the case rather than look for a category into which to try and fit you might do better to spend time in the Lobby getting to know people and getting different viewpoints and ideas about ways of being submissive. You might also try reading the stories available on the site. This can help you better understand which things appeal to you and which do not as well as letting you meet people of complementary tastes whom you can discuss them more fully. Ultimately we are all individuals and part of the scene is embracing your own and exploring it to whatever degree you choose.

[MstrWolf_ncs_lilbrat]

People aren't cooke-cutter, and so don't try to fit into a term that other people have defined. We become our own definition of what BDSM means, because the way we live in the lifestyle is personalized. Now yeah there are some ways to categorize types of submission, for example, but these are broad and you shouldn't bother yourself over exactly where you fit in. And like denuseri said, if you're still new in the discovery of yourself then you shouldn't worry about labels right now anyway. Good luck. One day you will know exactly what you like, and then you will be able to have a better understanding of which type of submissive you are.

[serviam {PixieStick}]

Your post has already received some insightful comments and advice but one thing I wished to offer based on the title of your post is this. You should never doubt that you are a submissive based on the fact that you don't choose to submit to every dominant personality, either in or out of the lifestyle. It is always the choice of a submissive who they submit to. It is meaningful and feels right to submit to some but not to others. Submissives are not door mats that are required to submit to every person who claims the title of dominant. Some may disagree with me, but our submission is not taken from us, it is a gift we bestow by choice on those with whom we build a bond of trust. We submit from a position of strength not weakness.

One final thing is that you need not feel submissive all of the time, every moment to be a submisssive. There are times when I don't feel submissive at all. During intimacy with a woman, in a purely vanilla sexual experience I can comfortably fill the dominant role which I think is simply natural because I'm male. Yet that doesn't give me cause to doubt that I am submissive as far as the lifestyle goes because I know how meaninful and fulfilling I find that role with the right dominant female. Within the lifestyle, I respect all dominants but I don't submit to all. We are all simply one of two sides of the same coin. Without a dominant a submissive has no opportunity to submit and without a submissive, a dominant has no one to exert authority over. That is why it is called a power exchange. It is purely voluntary on the part of the submissive to choose to whom and to what degree to engage in that transfer of power.

[juih_b]

thank you everyone for your replies :)

[sub_kat]

There is also another site, literotica.com which has a few more stories that are less extreme in manner to help decide what turns you on in your mind and what turns you on in r/l. I am new and I used these stories and the ones on this site to explain what I wanted from my Dom. Communication is key. I trust my Dom enough to do just about anything we want cause we talk enough that I know he won't make me do something I hate just cause he wants me to. Trust is key and communication is the link between. At least in my experience. I'm new too really.