Training?

[DevastatedAngel]

I'm still new to submitting to my Dom but training has been discussed. I was wondering what your thoughts are of being trained? If you have gone through it: what was your experience like? Is it helpful?

[VaAugusta]

I think you should ask him what he means by training. Are you going to be trained to be an assassin..? What does that mean exactly? Explain a little further, and then maybe we can discuss it.

[sdgirl]

Like most things regarding bdsm, training means different things to different people. The only way to know what he means is to ask him.

[denuseri]

Each relationship is different, however there are some general comonalities in my experience when it comes to certian things, and like with other pursuits in life, the right kind of "training" can only benifit one in their endeavors.

I was blessed enough to be trainned by a group of older practicioners of the art, in a manner early on that tuaght one to be flexible and inventive in one's submission, (focus was not on what exactly to think or do in any given situation, but on how to think for one's self and figure out whats best for each situation as it arises and quickely) and adjust to the needs of the dominant at hand. I have found that training useful in a wide variety of D/s situations and relationships.

So basically in my experience it is a misconseption to think that one type of training precludes another or that learning to serve one individual or group of individuals will taint one for serving others.

I do however agree that as mentioned above, your dominants idea of training may or may not include such things. You should ask what exactly he or she means.

In any event I think one should allways keep in mind a passage that a friend/mentor of mine is fond of and uses for her signiture:

"Do you know, ultimately," I asked, "who will prove to be your one best trainer?" "No, Master," she said. "You, yourself," I said, "the girl, herself, eager to please, imaginative and intelligent, monitoring her own performances and feelings, striving lovingly to improve and refine them. You yourself will be largely responsible for making yourself the superb slave you will become."

Page 210 - Savages of Gor

[rosebud]

In any event I think one should allways keep in mind a passage that a friend/mentor of mine is fond of and uses for her signiture:

"Do you know, ultimately," I asked, "who will prove to be your one best trainer?" "No, Master," she said. "You, yourself," I said, "the girl, herself, eager to please, imaginative and intelligent, monitoring her own performances and feelings, striving lovingly to improve and refine them. You yourself will be largely responsible for making yourself the superb slave you will become."

Page 210 - Savages of Gor

;) Very Nice!!!

[DevastatedAngel]

From what I understand my training will include learning what he expects and also I'm supposed to become more comfortable/confident in myself. My Dom wants me to feel good about myself, he wants me to understand that being submissive isn't that bad of a thing, and I'm not sure what else. I'm still rather new to this especially since this is the first time I have actually been treated like I'm actually worthy of any sort love/caring.

[fetishdj]

That's pretty much what most people mean by training. Its mostly about a submissive learning to submit in the way that the Dom wants them to (though there is also a certain element of the Dom learning what the sub is like and how best to dominate them). This is why I am always wary of people who say that they can train a submissive for another Dom (you can to a certain extent but you are only training them how you want them, they still have to be trained to be how the other Dom wants them) and also subs who say they are 'trained' (they may have been trained quite well but they are not trained how a new Dom may want them).

You could, in fact, argue that 'training' is not really training at all but rather an extension of the negotiation period. After all, in negotiation a sub tells a Dom what they think they enjoy and what they can tolerate but only by testing that claim during 'training' can a Dom and sub know for certain what they enjoy and can tolerate.

[denuseri]

Dear DevastatedAngel

I am glad you mustered up the courage to ask your dominant for clarification and I really like what he apparently has told you and your insights into it.

Sounds like a very good start to me.

I pray that yours will be a long and fruitful relationship.

Respectfully

denuseri

[Jennifer Williams]

My Dom wants me to feel good about myself,

he wants me to understand that being submissive isn't that bad of a thing,

this is the first time I have actually been treated like I'm actually worthy of any sort love/caring.
If these are all true, you've got a golden dom there, honey. Good for you! I think your training will do exactly as he said and help you build your confidence, because in it you will learn how to please him. It will take out the scary uncertainty, and you will know better when you are "doing it right." And that will help you feel good about yourself.

[serviam {PixieStick}]

I'm still new to submitting to my Dom but training has been discussed. I was wondering what your thoughts are of being trained? If you have gone through it: what was your experience like? Is it helpful?

I received training from a Domme once I was introduced to the lifestyle and in answer to the last part of your question, found it extremely helpful. In part, the training was to learn to behave in a way pleasing to her and to serve her in ways she found meaningful but it was far from a one-way experience. I had been aware of my submissive side but did not know what is was about or really how to express it. She helped me to not only understad it but channel in ways that I learned had incredible meaning for me. Reading the further amplication you supplied in later posts after the first one, it sounds that you have a good and wise Dom and I expect you too will find the training most helpful and useful in your own submissive journey.

[MstrWolf_ncs_lilbrat]

Todd Rundgren did a song where he said "peace breaks out in the battle of the sexes...we start to learn what the other one expects is. we stay away from what the other one rejects is, and have respect for individual perspectives" To me that pretty much sums up training. As a slave, i have an INTENSE need to understand what my Grand Master wants, what He doesn't, what would please Him and cause Him to beam with pride when He thinks of me, what things would disappoint Him...i want to know about His personal tastes...what kinds of things could i do to surprise Him that He would enjoy the most? What is the best approach when i am feeling nervous or when i have really bad news or when He's in a bad mood or whatever...i mean there are so many things...

Everyone trains in relationships, they just may not call it that. In vanilla relationships, there is training too. i mean, you want to learn all about the person you're interested in so that you can have a better perspective of that person's mindset so that things go more smoothly. That's a form of training.

Like others in this thread have said, training is defined differently by each individual. But i believe that a broad, general definition of training would be to better learn the person with whom you have a relationship with the intent to foster and grow a more healthy unity with him/her. If you look at it like that, then how can you really have a relationship without training? i mean you gotta foster it somehow. Communication requires training; you need to figure out the best way to approach someone, and this is usually tailored to fit their personality. How can you know what the best way to communicate is if you don't figure it out? And isn't figuring it out self-training? Like denuseri said, we all train ourselves in a way. Maybe we don't realize that's what we're doing, because we just call it 'socializing', but even in the most mundane of circumstances, if there is a relationship, there is training. i just don't see how it would be possible to have a relationship that works without stopping to figure out the other person and how best to relate to him/her.

The only difference between that and slave training is that there is more variety, and this is where things become much less definitive and much more arbitrary.

[NiNLover]

I have a question also that has to do with training. My (?) Dom has told me that he'd give me basic training that'll involve doing things for him and maybe physical action through webcam (it's long distance) and later move on to a training collar if I do well. He said a real collar could come later if I do really well. He also told me I could talk to other Doms at this point but let him know what's going on with that. So far he's seems like a good Dom to give my time to.

Anyway, my main question is does this make me his at this point? I don't even have a training collar. I dunno, maybe it's one of those "to each his own" things, but I just thought it was worth asking.

[fetishdj]

Its a hard one to answer. How do you both feel about the situation? Do you feel that you are 'owned', does he feel that he 'owns' you? To be frank, unless you have made an explicit statement to that effect, then you cannot know your current status. Best way to deal with this issue is to ask him.

The concept of a collar no longer really has any consistant definition (see the many other posts on this forum about that issue...) so al lot depends on what he considers a collar to mean and, in this case, what he considers a specific type of collar to mean.

[denuseri]

Dear NiN

Personally, idk, it does seem as if now days the contemporary PC thing to do is say its whatever you wish it to mean or be, but, then it also doesnt seem as if people now days place the same kind of ritual signifigance on an actual collaring ceremony as they once did eaither.

Having done both myself and having been "collared" now in real life for the past few years (starting in real life but having learned ways to incorperate online aspects on occassion at times) I do not suscribe to any such definition of terms that says that an online long distance only arrangment is anything at all equatable too a real life one.

In any event I highly advise you to use caution with your personal information etc especially face shots and other identifiable pictures and web-cam sessions when submitting in any such fashion to someone in an online medium who you can not really ever possibly actually know. More than one girl has found her images and cam sessions plastered on paysites by the supposed love of her online life.

I dont mean to cast a dark shadow or anything, just advising saftey before kink is all.

I pray that your relationship will be a long and fruitful one in any event.

Respectfully

denuseri

[NiNLover]

Thanks for the advice, denuseri. :) And fetishdj as well. I haven't posted anything I wouldn't show my mother, lol. As of right now I'm not exactly sure this is going to go anywhere anyway. I might just have to look in real life. :)

[babygirlE]

Well I think is good to have a training specially if you are new, in my case my training was only to get use to things that i was not use to that could get me in trouble in the future, like the ¨Yes Sir , no Sir¨ , asking before cumming, to learn how to hold it, to stay in some positions, to contorl the pain, etc. But in training was the time to mess up I did get punish but it was lighter cuz it was to LEARN!! so I think is good to have training :)

[Dog's Lady]

When I asked my lover/master if he would train me (I've mentioned before that he has much more BDSM experience,) he said that he had already started.&nbsp; We are long distance, so when we are apart, I try to help the process by reading-not porn type, but educational BDSM books, and by spending a lot of time on this site. I am sure there must be other good sites out there; I just haven't gone looking for any yet.&nbsp; Yes, His training will be specific to the two of you, but, especially since he has given permission to speak with other Doms, I would double check about talking to subs as well, then spend time here.&nbsp; Lots of people here are very helpful-denuseri has already offered you some of her advice, and while she is exceptionally literate, she is, fortunately, the norm, not the exception, in her desire to help.<br>&nbsp; I, too, hope that you find happiness, whether with this master or with a r/l life one.&nbsp; But, from one low self-esteem to another, please don't let your sense of worth depend entirely on any one person but yourself. Any relationship can end; you need to learn to love yourself all the time.&nbsp; I know it is hard--I am still working on it--but please try.&nbsp; I, for one, applaud your courage in trying this lifestyle out, and in asking for help and advice from others. To avoid misunderstandings: I am not saying that you cannot take pride in serving your master well, just that I hope you can learn to take pride in being yourself well, too.&nbsp;