14 pages read..can't find the answer....Retraining?

[free2bme_71]

Hello. I am sort of new to the lifestyle. I have had 1 Dom and I moved over 2000 miles to be with him. We were together for 6 months. I learned a lot and know this is the life for me. Sadly things did not work out in the end, I asked to be released, and returned to my home state. I took the time to readjust and get settled in from the move. It has been 6 months since He and I have parted. I told myself I had to wait 6 months before getting involved with another Dom just so I was sure nothing was done out of a "rebound" phase.
This 6 months has passed and I am ready to try again.

I am finding I am a little afraid to jump back in. I know what my fears are, I just do not know how to get over them.

How do you start again with someone else / a New Dom? I know a new Dom will have different needs, wants, requirements. I realise that this is more of a fear due to my inexperience. But it is a fear just the same. I am very playful....that is just who I am but it sometimes comes across as "bratty". I do not want to be thought of as a bratt.

Also because I have only had 1 previous Dom, everything I know I learned from him. I need to figure out a way to "unlearn" his ways and learn new ones.

I feel like it was almost easier to be brand new then starting over. I want to be a good sub and not disappoint, but inexperience makes me unsure of myself.

Any suggestions on starting again with someone new? I am to meet the "potential New Dom" on Monday if I do not die of nerves by then ;)

Thank you for any help you can offer....Monday is comming fast and my nerves are shot lol.

[wyldrose]

Just be honest with the new Dom. i had a lot of old habits that Master had to 'iron out' to His own preferences when we first got together.

The more time you give it, the more the new Dom's ways will become second nature to you, but if you don't open the communication from the start you're likely to be stuck in the old way of doing things.

[Jennifer Williams]

How do you start again with someone else / a New Dom?

You've almost got it. Just take off that last part after the slash, and you have your question: How do you start again with someone else?

Exactly the same way you'd start a new vanilla relationship. You meet the person, you talk to them, you tell them about yourself and you ask them about themselves. If you don't like them right away, good bye, move on. If you both like each other enough for a second meeting, great!

Though the things you discuss might include BDSM things (though they might not), the way you pursue it is the same. Listen carefully, be honest, and trust your instincts. It's like a first date with anybody. You're both feeling each other out to see where it goes, if anywhere at all.

Good luck, and I hope you find a new partner who you are happy with!

[denuseri]

Comunication is key!

Look at whatever training you have as a positive instead of a negative, it can only be benificial, if your smart about it... it will only come in handy. Lots of people want to think they are super unique or something and than what one learned from this dom isnt applicable to that one etc...it simpley isnt true in most instances in my experience and you shall do fine if your flexible.

You dont have to unlearn a thing so long as your able to keep learning.

As for being bratty or playful or spirited and what not and he or she not liking it etc, there are two things you can do...eaither adapt your behavior accordingly to the new partner, or make the determination that your not compatible with them and move on.

A D/s relationship like any other is a two way street.

I shall pray that your meeting be a safe one.

[flying66]

As for being bratty or playful or spirited and what not and he or she not liking it etc, there are two things you can do...eaither adapt your behavior accordingly to the new partner, or make the determination that your not compatible with them and move on.

A D/s relationship like any other is a two way street.


That's exactly it, D/s is like any other non-D/s relationship... you both have to agree you are compatible and decide on how flexible you can be to each other's lieks and dislikes in and out of the bedroom.

Like wyldrose said, there are things to iron out a bit in the beginning... like my last Dom really loved orgasm control, and I ALWAYS had to ask permission to cum, during sex, he'd ALWAYS tell me to cum just before he did so with my new Dom, I did the same thing... I with-held my orgasm because I hadn't been given permission... we ended up having sex for a really long time for a while, with me actually looking up at the clock every now and again, silently saying "omg! are we STILL going?? when is he going to FINISH?? I'm getting sore and kinda need to go pee!!!"

We talked about it after and it turned out that he often with holds orgasming until his partner cums X.x yeah so... sex is great now lol didn't start that way, but it's great now! which goes to show that talking is VERY important XD

[spazzakazz]

my last Dom really loved orgasm control, and I ALWAYS had to ask permission to cum, during sex, he'd ALWAYS tell me to cum just before he did so with my new Dom, I did the same thing... I with-held my orgasm because I hadn't been given permission... we ended up having sex for a really long time for a while, with me actually looking up at the clock every now and again, silently saying "omg! are we STILL going?? when is he going to FINISH?? I'm getting sore and kinda need to go pee!!!"

We talked about it after and it turned out that he often with holds orgasming until his partner cums X.x yeah so... sex is great now lol didn't start that way, but it's great now! which goes to show that talking is VERY important XD


Lol....that's so cute :D Communication is key

[Silus]

Congrats on getting back into the lifestyle. You say you have to unlearn the old Masters rules and relearn the new Masters rules. Dont worry about that a bit, its all apart of training a sub/slave. Your new Master should guild you into the right direction to serve him best. But your ass might get red a few times learning.