Seeing someone deliberately hurt themselves turns me on...?

[sexxypagan]

Hello, I am a complete newbie to bdsm. I am wondering why seeing someone deliberately hurt themselves (ie. suspension - where someone hangs their entire body weight from hooks in their skin, or say a documentary in which they are measuring people's pain tolerances) turns me on. Note: this does not include the day-to-day 'ow I cut my finger' type of thing.

Anybody have an explanation for this/experience this?

Also/alternatively, does anyone know the actual physiological/psychological reason WHY people are turned on by a variety of non-sexual things? I know that one can be conditioned to them, but can one be conditioned to something without realising it?

--Pagan.

[Jennifer Williams]

Hello, I am a complete newbie to bdsm.
Welcome!


I am wondering why seeing someone deliberately hurt themselves (ie. suspension - where someone hangs their entire body weight from hooks in their skin, or say a documentary in which they are measuring people's pain tolerances) turns me on. Note: this does not include the day-to-day 'ow I cut my finger' type of thing.

Anybody have an explanation for this/experience this?

Well, I am not a psychologist; I can't give you the least bit of information about why any of us is turned on/off by any kink. But experience that? You have me drooling to the floor. I love pain, especially inflicted on purpose, especially if the hurting person enjoys it *huge maniacal grin; goes to find a masochist to play with*

Needless to say, everyone has kinks, things that turn them on. And no two people are alike, so no two people's kinks will be exactly the same. For you, the pain has to be inflicted on purpose to be hot, for me that's not important; but for me, it's only hot if it's a male who's hurt; for you that may not matter. Being "the same" as someone is not important; what is important is accepting yourself for who you are, and not worrying so much about "if it's right." Right and wrong only come into play when you act- it is how you treat other people that has "right and wrong" attached to it.

Of course, if you're ever going to act on your desires, a plethora of right and wrong things come up. But so long as it's in your head, everything's fair game to be just fine, if you ask me *huge grin*.

Once you accept who you are and it doesn't bother you or scare you and you come to terms with yourself, the "why" of it becomes unimportant (at least for me). I could care less why watching my co-worker burn himself on the toaster is delicious to me; it just is. So long as I'm not inflicting anything on him he doesn't want; there is nothing wrong with that.

Hope this helps!
-Jenny

[fetishdj]

Its a complex set of responses and I am not sure even psychologists fully understand it. Many still see this response as a paraphillia - an inappropriate sexual response - and class it as a 'psychological problem which needs to be addressed'. However, I think everyone has some level of unusual sexual desires somewhere in their make up - even if it is only 'gets turned on by the missionary position' (which is rare enough to be a fetish in my opinion :) )

There is a link to Pavlov's theories - association of a particular stimuli with a particular response. Dog sees food when bell rings and salivates, eventually the bell alone is enough to make the dog salivate. Human gets turned on by seeing sexy person in pain or in bondage, eventually its just the pain or bondage that can trigger it. I'm simplifying things a lot but that is the basics of it. The age old psychological debate of 'nature vs nurture' comes into it as well - are you the way you are because of your genetic heritage or because of the way your environment moulded you?

Neurochemically, I know why masochists get their kicks. When you are in pain your body is flooded with chemicals - serotinins, adrenalin and so on. They are there to help you ignore the pain and to give you the extra boost you may need to run away or fight but some of them also give you a sense of strength and pleasure. Its the same reason why people throw themselves of bridges tied to a piece of elastic. Perhaps sadists also get the same response to the excitement of inflicting pain?

[TwistedTails]

but can one be conditioned to something without realising it?

Yes, we condition people all the time without them realising. It begins in childhood, and then continues as adults when we enter new enviroments. Looking for an example? It is as simple as "big boys dont cry" and "team building" at the office.

Cheers,
Twisted

[Jennifer Williams]

Perhaps sadists also get the same response to the excitement of inflicting pain?

Yes, yes we do...*drools* I've always said that I'm a sadist because I'm a masochist- since pain feels good to me, I assume that some part of my psyche thinks it will feel good to someone else (though my conscious mind knows better, but that doesn't seem to make a difference in my enjoyment of it).