Can a Vanilla be changed to BSDM participant

[rollsroycemk1]

I have just found my vanilla wife likes pussy slapped,anal and rough sex.Can I turn her on enough to admit she likes BSDm life style or even acknowledge her desire for more?

[_ID_]

If she has a potential for it, yea it's possible. It doesn't mean that she will, just that it's possible.

I suggest you have a frank open conversation with her. Ask her about her fantasies, what she thinks about wishes about and such. Make sure to have the conversation around her desires. If you make it around yours she might try it, because she loves you, but it could end up that she doesn't want anything to do with BDSM and would resent you for bringing it up. So keep it around what she would like to do. This will help her accept the idea better if she has the potential to enjoy BDSM.

[IAN 2411]

Yes I believe so, because we were all vanilla at one time, we were not born with whips in our hands. Although looking at some of the people I have worked for I have reservations.I have said it many times that there are many Mistresses out there in the vanilla world but have not realised their potential. By saying that statement, there must be the same amount of submissives or more. As _ID_ says, broach on the subject with her, but remember that you might get an answer that will take up most of your free time, especially if she is already showing signs of submission.

Regards IAN 2411{lillirose}

[Kalika87]

Althought she may have those kindof inclinations and tendencies, I wouldnt put too much pressure on you guys to label it or label her. Talk to her openly and find out what she is willing to try and go from there.

[lucy]

I have just found my vanilla wife likes pussy slapped,anal and rough sex.Can I turn her on enough to admit she likes BSDm life style or even acknowledge her desire for more?
I think it's a pretty big leap from having my pussy slapped during rough sex to admitting that I like a 'BDSM lifestyle', whatever that may imply. As far as I know, there are much more women who like rough sex than men would believe. Most of them would just laugh into your face/kick your groin/walk away if you asked them to kneel before you, though.

But as has been said already, nothing short of communicating with your wife will tell.

Something else: In my opinion 'admit' is not a very good word in this context. 'Admit' more or less implies that you think she's done something wrong, or held something back from you she shouldn't have. Dunno whether that's what you feel, but if it's the case it maybe isn't the best frame of mind to be in when you discuss it with her.

[~little~miss~spitfire~]

I think it's a pretty big leap from having my pussy slapped during rough sex to admitting that I like a 'BDSM lifestyle', whatever that may imply. As far as I know, there are much more women who like rough sex than men would believe. Most of them would just laugh into your face/kick your groin/walk away if you asked them to kneel before you, though.

.

Agreed. I tend to see a difference between the D/s lifestyle itself and BDSM activities themselves. Once can engage in the latter without too much real committment of anything emotional...one can be tied up, slapped around, etc and put that down to bedroom play or experiment. D/s however for me at least runs deeper than that, and for me is the foundation of why i want the BDSM itself. WIthout the D/s, the BDSM is meaningless (I don't want to have to keep adding the qualifier, for me, but please be aware this is all just my personal opinion, I am sure it differs for others and their views are just as valid). For me, the submission and respect are the bricks and mortar...the cuffs and chains the carpets and curtains.

I also believe that the impulse to either submission or Dominance, or both in the case of switches, is something far too primal to be a choice. I was married for a long time to someone who tried to be Dominant to my submission...but it always felt fake and like it was too much effort. It has to emanate naturally from both sources, like a primal energy, for it to be meaningful. Much as one loves someone else, and either tries to produce or suppress elements of D/s from within to please the other, if it isn't there naturally, it isn't there, and no amount of willing it to be so is ever going to change that, unfortunately...similarly, if it IS there, it is never going to go away, no matter how far down the road of denial you think you may have walked.

As some have said, communication, honest communication, is always the key in any relationship, be it D/s or vanilla. So talk to her. What do you have to lose?

[MystressAutumn{tornsub}]

I think A/all have a submissive and/or Dominant streak in them. Vanilla are at times those who have never been properly introduced to BDSM. While all BDSM kinks are not for everyone, there is something for all tastes. But nothing can happen, vanilla or otherwise without trust and respect. Communication and taking your time is tantamount to having a safe and successful relationship, it is much easier to do damage physically, mentally and emotionally in a BDSM relationship. Take your time and go slowly, discuss what felt comfortable and what did not, do not push limits before both parties are ready. By using those keys you can have a very successful journey from a vanilla to a bdsm relationship.

[lozerette]

Yes I believe so, because we were all vanilla at one time, we were not born with whips in our hands. Although looking at some of the people I have worked for I have reservations.I have said it many times that there are many Mistresses out there in the vanilla world but have not realised their potential. By saying that statement, there must be the same amount of submissives or more. As _ID_ says, broach on the subject with her, but remember that you might get an answer that will take up most of your free time, especially if she is already showing signs of submission.

Regards IAN 2411{lillirose}

I'm going to have to disagree on the all born vanilla point. I have known what I am from the very beginning, since before I had enough understanding to put names to my desires. I would agree that many start out vanilla, but not all. Some of us are born this way.

That said, communication is key. Talk to her instead of just trying to guess. ;)

[Heritor]

I'm going to have to disagree on the all born vanilla point. I have known what I am from the very beginning, since before I had enough understanding to put names to my desires. I would agree that many start out vanilla, but not all. Some of us are born this way.

Agreed. Or at least become sexually aware this way.