Surprised by my boyfriend

[DoNotFear]

Hi all. Thought I'd post a question and ask for some advice from everyone here :). I was browsing my computer history the other day when I came across some porn history my boyfriend obviously looked up involving rape. I was *shocked* as I never would have pegged him to be interested in this sort thing, let alone rape fantasies. Another thing I came across was live sex cam shows. I guess I'm looking for some advice on these two issue: 1 is how do I come out and tell him I'm 100% okay and want to experiment with him more - including rape fantasies if he's willing to role play a little and 2 how do I explain to him I'm not okay with live cam shows - especially since we haven't had sex in over 2 months. It bothers me he chooses to wake up in the middle of the night and watch live girls and not even try anything with me - in fact turn me down night after night.

I apologize if this is the wrong thread for this!

[denuseri]

Well just about any search for porn is going to have some linkage involving a number of different kinks that the web sites sometimes try to force...just look at all the sponser, he may not be as into rape or cam shows as you think unless he was specifically going to only web sites that focused on that alone.

As for telling him ...you just tell him, hey want to get a little kinky ... though it sounds like first you need to iron out what relationship issue you allready may have.

[_ID_]

Ask him to tie you up and have his way with you. Rape fantasies are about the power. The life sex cam... is about the fantasy and realism of that fantasy.

I agree with denuseri too. There are some other issues at hand you need to address. If you don't, they are going to drive you two apart.

[DoNotFear]

I want to thank both of you sincerely. Checking my email and reading your replies has.. cooled my head a little and prevented me from making a mountain out of a molehill and doing something I probably would have regretted. I'll gather the courage and have a chat with him :).

[Sir_nv]

I dunno much about the rest of it, but about those live cam shows: one of those windows pops up everytime you open a video from most porn streaming sites, so that might explain it.

[Ozme52]

That's certainly true. I read erotica at "Kirsten's" and she has a daily picture. A still. Click on it and you get the picture and a pop-up to the jasmine live cam site.

And even if he looks, that doesn't mean he engages or pays to chat. Sometimes it's just entertaining to watch those who do. I myself have learned all the "best" pick-up lines to never ever use that way. LOL

[Cruelty Redifined]

That is very true, if your bf was really paying for cam girls and wanted to hide the fact from you, he prolly would've erased the history so it may be a secret, so it was more than likely a spam pop up.
And for your other issue, communicate, that is the key to a healthy relationship, bring up the topic casually while watching tv or something...you can tell him 'these fantasies' as one of your friend's and observe his reaction that is whether he gets aroused or not...you can still talk to him as long as he doesn't gets disgusted at the idea.
To be honest judging him merely by internet history is not fair
~C R

[Ozme52]

An easy way to introduce consensual rape is to remind him you know your safeword, and then fight him from entering you... struggle, "beat" your fists against his shoulders, make him TAKE you.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Tell him you'd like to spice things up in the bedroom. Ask him to go shopping with you at the local sex shop.

[DoNotFear]

We chatted and he was looking at everything - more then pop ups. He respects my wishes about the live cam and as far as the others - he feels ashamed of his fantasies (and sex in general really) which is why he wouldn't tell me anything. I'm hopeful in time we can work through some of the issues. :)

Appreciate all of the replies I've received.

[Shagedherroten]

Talk to him, or at minimum right a letter, me and my gf communicate like crazy, perhaps too much even lol, point is we trust each other and we dont have to worry about cheating etc, we both are more than capable of waiting for each other, we know ourselves well and love pushing that limit. You shouldnt waste a moment about not knowing what your desires are and not exploiting them, lots of ppl have the home invasion fantasy, its an easy one really, you gotta have the attitude thought, be thoughfull of details however, like we are always using a ton of diff lubes, and for this one I just kicked down the front door and boudn her with chain and leatther restraints with locks, had spare cuffs, rope and gag for all diffferent positions wed go through, talking dirty and a good porn movie always helps the mood setting. always go and reexplore her thoughts and see whats really brewing, its quite easy to get to talking about everything once the rest is done, All the best and tc^^

[Shagedherroten]

oh and btw, about the porn, just watch it with him, do the dirtiest things you can think of together, history and such isnt a good refference at all, I dont use cams and my mails get like 1000 junik whatever from it and other things, we are always on the prowl for good movies wich i do find hard to equal for my womens taste as well, but when we are getting it on, were on each other, and if there happens to be a scene that turns or makes you curious just go investigate, and especially learn about the good and the bad details,