For those in a poly relationship

[Blackcat]

I am just wondering with a poly relationship. How much is too much? I know a Dom who has 10 girls and than another who has only 3. How much is too much? I'm interested in poly, but I'm scared that I would be a number, which is something I do not wish to be.

[denuseri]

When you say he has ten girls do you mean in an online or a real life capacity? Cuase there is like a super big difference there lol.

How much is too much?

That all depends on the consent of all the partners involved.

[Blackcat]

The girls are both, he sees all of them online and in real life.

But thank you for your answer of my question. That does help with some of my questions in my head.

[denuseri]

Whatever you do, I wouldn't do it with eaither of the doms in question without also speaking directly in person with all of the other involved partners at the same time.

[lucy]

I've got no experience with polyamorous relationships. But I think I remember a prof in a lecture on leadership saying that it isn't feasible to try to (closely) lead more than 7 or 8 persons.

Besides, the math can make the picture a bit clearer: 24 hours to a day, take away 8 hours for sleep, toilet, eat and all that just has to be done (a rather conservative estimate). That leaves 16 hours or 960 minutes (if the Dom in question doesn't have to move a finger to earn a living, that is) which leaves you exactly 96 minutes/day max if you're one of the ten girls.
But then again, with you it's 11 girls, so that leaves you with 87.27 minutes/day.
If that's enough for you, fine. If not, move on.

Apart from that, Denuseri's got it spot on, in my opinion.

[Blackcat]

I'm just gonna throw it out there that I'm not number 11 or number 4 for the other Dom. I'm not the person to go "My friend" when the friend is me.

I appericate what both of You say and find it helpful and enlightful.

I find that poly relationships can be very confusing.

-Densueri what you said , in my opinion, the best way to start into a poly relationship.
-Lucy what you said was not only helpful but humorous. When you break it down to point seconds. ( Math major that I am) I find the time alone with just one a day is..well... it sounds very lonesome.

I thank You both very much.

[thir]

I am just wondering with a poly relationship. How much is too much? I know a Dom who has 10 girls and than another who has only 3. How much is too much? I'm interested in poly, but I'm scared that I would be a number, which is something I do not wish to be.

Various thoughts come to me while reading this:

That poly can take many forms, and it does not nessecarily mean a dom with many slaves/subs. It could be a sub with more than one dom. A slave owned by a couple. Or it could be a network, where everybody has more than one partner in various degrees of intimacy. This solves the time/attention problem mentioned, which is certainly real enough. "Love is not limited, but time is."

The variation you mention suits people who are into a 'harem' model, meaning that they enjoy the companionship with their slave sisters, and enjoy sharing their Master. If this is not your special interest, then you probably should not choose someone with so many slaves.

Maybe you should ask yourself: what specifically is it about poly that attracts you? What are your interests and needs, and what can you offer? You could also go online and find sites that orientates around poly, or bdsm poly, and read about various life-styles problems, and joys, and see if that can give you pointers as to where your needs are.

Good luck!

[leo9]

Besides, the math can make the picture a bit clearer: 24 hours to a day, take away 8 hours for sleep, toilet, eat and all that just has to be done (a rather conservative estimate). That leaves 16 hours or 960 minutes (if the Dom in question doesn't have to move a finger to earn a living, that is) which leaves you exactly 96 minutes/day max if you're one of the ten girls.
But then again, with you it's 11 girls, so that leaves you with 87.27 minutes/day.
If that's enough for you, fine. If not, move on.


As they say in the poly community: love is limitless, time is not.

[Ozme52]

But that all assumes a poly relationship that centers on the Dom and doesn't include interactions between the submissives.
It also assumes that all the submissives are "equal" partners in the sharing of his time. He may well have one or two primaries and the rest have others as their own primaries, getting together with this dominant once a month or only on business trips....

There are many other types of poly relationships too, not "centered" on the one dominant. Some could involve two or more submissives who are devoted to each other and the dominant is secondary to them only joining them occassionally. But of course, he would "count" them as his own, and maybe correctly, but not getting a lot of their time.

And there are family arrangements where three (or more) actually spend "all" (or most of) their time together. That would change the time dynamics too.

I'm not condoning "ten" submissives by any means, I too think that's more wannasay than realistic, but without knowing the exact nature and construct of the household, it's hard to say yea or nay.

But when all is said and done, trust your own instincts as to whether a particular arrangement is going to suit you. No matter how attractive the dominant is (including mental and emotional attractions,) there are others out there perhaps equally attractive and more suited to your needs. You just haven't met them yet.

[Ozme52]

I've got no experience with polyamorous relationships. But I think I remember a prof in a lecture on leadership saying that it isn't feasible to try to (closely) lead more than 7 or 8 persons.

Besides, the math can make the picture a bit clearer: 24 hours to a day, take away 8 hours for sleep, toilet, eat and all that just has to be done (a rather conservative estimate). That leaves 16 hours or 960 minutes (if the Dom in question doesn't have to move a finger to earn a living, that is) which leaves you exactly 96 minutes/day max if you're one of the ten girls.
But then again, with you it's 11 girls, so that leaves you with 87.27 minutes/day.
If that's enough for you, fine. If not, move on.

Apart from that, Denuseri's got it spot on, in my opinion.

Interestingly, that's the "easiest" math involved. And I agree, because if all are equal, that's not enough time to call a relationship, imo. The more interesting math is that of open communications. (n-1)! A real relationship requires open communications and as the number of people who need to interact rises, the number of communication lines rises factorially. (the "!" in the previous equation.) Slightly less if not all of the people interact, but you get the drift.

10 people require 45 lines of communications, and that's just the pairings.

[Ozme52]

Various thoughts come to me while reading this:

That poly can take many forms, and it does not nessecarily mean a dom with many slaves/subs. It could be a sub with more than one dom. A slave owned by a couple. Or it could be a network, where everybody has more than one partner in various degrees of intimacy. This solves the time/attention problem mentioned, which is certainly real enough. "Love is not limited, but time is."

The variation you mention suits people who are into a 'harem' model, meaning that they enjoy the companionship with their slave sisters, and enjoy sharing their Master. If this is not your special interest, then you probably should not choose someone with so many slaves.

Maybe you should ask yourself: what specifically is it about poly that attracts you? What are your interests and needs, and what can you offer? You could also go online and find sites that orientates around poly, or bdsm poly, and read about various life-styles problems, and joys, and see if that can give you pointers as to where your needs are.

Good luck!


ooops. I should've read further before writing my, essentially, redundant response.