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ar1
02-01-2011, 09:59 AM
I feel about 10 years old for even having to make a thread to ask this, but always better safe than sorry I guess...

I've never involved myself in the real-life BDSM scene at all but think it's now something I need to do to know whether it's the right path for me to take or not. If you've read other posts by me over the last few days you will realise that I became involved with BDSM with my ex-boyfriend (he was new to it too) and it was a really personal thing that we explored privately together and that stayed in the bedroom. I want to try to find that in a relationship again - where BDSM is just in the bedroom and is a personal aspect of our lives - however the predicament is that the very process of finding someone into BDSM (at a munch, night event etc.) surely contradicts the personal aspect? I have been told that to enter into a vanilla relationship and try to introduce BDSM into it thereafter is a very unwise idea and unlikely to work, so I'm trying to source out alternatives here.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go ahead and enter the scene to find out whether it could work that way or not, but the 'problem' is how do I do it safely? I don't want to tell any of my friends about my BDSM interests but have nobody already involved in that lifestyle who could accompany me, so I'd be going alone. There's an event I've found out about from FetLife which takes place in a few weeks, it's at night, and I don't know how to make sure I'm safe if I'm going alone and nobody know's where or why I'm going?

Do I need to tell a friend or is there an easier way? Thanks in advance!!

Also - does anybody happen to know the word for a munch in Spanish?!

Stone
02-01-2011, 07:09 PM
Me no habla mexican, If you are going to a munch at a public place and its a group of people I would not worry about it, if going to someones house yeah have a safe call lol if going to a dungeon again wouldnt worry to much the last thing a dungeon wants is something bad to happen to anyone there

_ID_
02-01-2011, 07:50 PM
You can usually contact the group organizing the event, and one of the fellow submissives would be glad to meet you beforehand for coffee or something. Just say you would like to know someone before going, and could they help with that.

VaAugusta
02-02-2011, 10:09 AM
I took a hard look at the bdsm scene and ran the other direction.

Anyways, I'm not sure why someone would say it's unwise to try and convert a vanilla person. Do you honestly think he/she dreams about the missionary position? BDSM is one of the most popular fetishes around. Just put yourself out there and meet some nice dudes. I went to a dungeon not intending on seeing some penises, but it happened. Be prepared. And yeah, it's not that personal to "play" in front of a bunch of dudes in a warehouse, but you could meet someone and then strike up a normal relationship and do your bdsm stuff elsewhere. Good luck!!

Ozme52
02-02-2011, 11:27 PM
Not unwise... but rarely satisfying imo.

As far as dungeons are concerned, there are usually social places to meet folk, sit and talk... and play areas. You can meter what you want to see and how much you want to see.

thir
02-03-2011, 04:31 AM
Not unwise... but rarely satisfying imo.


That was what I meant. You can get lucky, as OP was, but it is not likely. That doesn't mean a person cannot try, of course. A number of people report bringing the bdsm need up with no bad responses, but in some cases you do get rather bad responses. I guess that depends on your luck, and perhaps where you live. It can be tough, especially if you by now have feelings involved, and also connects with the privacy issue; normally people are more discreet who also need discretion themselves.

My primary thought in this is that if you look among non-bdsm people, do not wait until you have fallen in love to bring this issue up. You may end up having to choose between love and bdsm, which is kind of like choosing between eating or drinking as I see it.

thir
02-03-2011, 04:43 AM
Anyways, I'm not sure why someone would say it's unwise to try and convert a vanilla person. Do you honestly think he/she dreams about the missionary position?


The reason is that so many people tells us that it doesn not work.

First, yes many people do freak at trying something else. They run away screaming, or send you to a psychiatrist - or a priest. I am not saying anything about how often this happens, but according to posts here, when it does, it hits peple where it hurts.
And sometimes they blab to their friends.

Secondly, if the 'conversion' does not spark a hitherto hidden need for bdsm, the best you can hope for is something done out of kindness or love, but with no real sense of the thing behind it. Ask a number of subs how that feels, we've heard about that too.

thir
02-03-2011, 04:57 AM
I feel about 10 years old for even having to make a thread to ask this, but always better safe than sorry I guess...


Yes, indeed ;-)



I want to try to find that in a relationship again - where BDSM is just in the bedroom and is a personal aspect of our lives - however the predicament is that the very process of finding someone into BDSM (at a munch, night event etc.) surely contradicts the personal aspect?


I assume you have considered looking on the various sites where people are looking for partners? There is one here as well.

Why not talk to people on-line, also about non-bdsm things, get to know them to some extent, while still nothing more than an online-name to each other. Talk about your needs, and let them express theirs. It can be nice or tedious, but you cannot really avoid this phase.

Then meet in a public place the first time, and possibly more times.

After that it may be time to take the leap but yes, I'd say do let someone know where you are! Maybe you need not tell them what for, it is a resonable safety precausion also for vanilla first-private-meetings.

If your potential new dom does not like this, or is adamant about how you should 'trust him', I'd consider whether I wanted a dom who cannot understand the safety issues of a sub.

ar1
02-04-2011, 05:31 AM
I took a hard look at the bdsm scene and ran the other direction.

If it's not too personal a question may I ask why? Obviously each person is different, but I'd be interested to understand your own reasons into this if you wouldn't mind sharing:)


And yeah, it's not that personal to "play" in front of a bunch of dudes in a warehouse

It's not? I thought playing in public would be a very personal thing to do - letting yourself be seen by anyone in an undoubtedly compromising position? I might need you to expand on that one a little please!


Good luck!!

Thank you. I hope to read a few more posts from you on this topic yet :)

ar1
02-04-2011, 05:56 AM
My primary thought in this is that if you look among non-bdsm people, do not wait until you have fallen in love to bring this issue up. You may end up having to choose between love and bdsm, which is kind of like choosing between eating or drinking as I see it.

I guess my whole search at the moment is an internal one to find out how important BDSM would be in a future relationship. I don't know if a choice between love and BDSM would amount to eating/drinking as you put it, I just don't know if I could live without some form of d/s or if it's something I really need in a relationship now I've discovered it. The only way I can find out is to try I suppose, there's no other way I could just "know" unless I've been there...


The reason is that so many people tells us that it doesn not work.
...
I am not saying anything about how often this happens, but according to posts here, when it does, it hits peple where it hurts.

I realise in a lot of situations it doesn't work out, but do you think taking this forum, for example, would constitute a somewhat biased sample? All the couples who managed to successfully introduce BDSM into their lives would have no need for this forum - both partners would still be happy in their relationship as they were before. It's those who try (and fail) to introduce BDSM who would then be feeling the need for support and go in search of a forum like this to discuss their problems.

I really don't doubt that for lots of people it hasn't worked out, and that it does really hurt when that happens, but eventually time heals and it surely has to be worth a shot if there is a chance of it working? You probably can't really answer that! What I value as being worth it could be a million miles away from someone elses values! I realise I'm probably being really naive, I just fail to see how if you meet someone "on the scene" and then strike up a relationship, you could both happily give up what you had/did before in public and enter into pure privacy at home? That's why I'm concered about going out to events because I'm not convinced I'll find what I'm looking for, it already seems too public for me!

ar1
02-04-2011, 06:13 AM
I assume you have considered looking on the various sites where people are looking for partners? There is one here as well.

Why not talk to people on-line, also about non-bdsm things, get to know them to some extent, while still nothing more than an online-name to each other. Talk about your needs, and let them express theirs. It can be nice or tedious, but you cannot really avoid this phase.

Then meet in a public place the first time, and possibly more times.

I haven't considered looking online for partners, I've always had reservations about dating sites and stuff but now you mention it, within this kind of context it could actually work really well. There is more of a need to keep it private here than in the case of a regular vanilla lifestyle where you could go anywhere anytime and easily meet potential partners. OK so you have seriously got me thinking now, but the one thing I'd find a bit weird would be, for example, putting a post out there (or a profile or whatever), having a number of replies and then striking up conversation with lots of people (potential partners) at once. With each person there'd be the unspoken implication that it could go further since that was the nature from which contact started. Could that pose a problem later on? Ideas? Thank you :-)

denuseri
02-04-2011, 11:06 AM
It could it all depends on what that other persons intentions really were too.

Look at some of the adds in the personals section of the forums...there are people posting for online only, online to real life/ real life only etc and for every fetish along the way.

Just please keep saftey in the forefront of your dealings. Not everyone out there is who and what they say they are.

My biggest single mistake was not having a responsible third party who would call the cops etc if I didn't check in periodically, no one new where I was going or who I was with, I got very lucky to survive my only online to real life encounter...I hope and pray no one else goes through the same.

ar1
02-04-2011, 11:40 AM
I hope and pray no one else goes through the same.

I'm really sorry to hear you had such a bad experience (probably putting it mildly but sometimes words are inadequate...).

As for the third party, how much information do they really need to know in order to ensure your maximum safety? Ideally yes they'd know everything, but I for example have no intention in telling any of my friends of my interests and would rather they knew as little as possible. I don't want to lie about where I'm going, but I also don't want to make it sound really suspicious because I'm witholding information. Anyone got experience in this or got any suggestions? Thanks.

thir
02-04-2011, 11:43 AM
Just please keep saftey in the forefront of your dealings. Not everyone out there is who and what they say they are.

My biggest single mistake was not having a responsible third party who would call the cops etc if I didn't check in periodically, no one new where I was going or who I was with, I got very lucky to survive my only online to real life encounter...I hope and pray no one else goes through the same.

I'll second that!

thir
02-04-2011, 11:52 AM
I realise in a lot of situations it doesn't work out, but do you think taking this forum, for example, would constitute a somewhat biased sample? All the couples who managed to successfully introduce BDSM into their lives would have no need for this forum - both partners would still be happy in their relationship as they were before. It's those who try (and fail) to introduce BDSM who would then be feeling the need for support and go in search of a forum like this to discuss their problems.


What I meant was that seeking bdsm in a vanilla population often does not work out.

As for this forum, it is by no means only used by people who have a troubled bdsm life. A great many like to have contact with other bdsm people :-) and if you read more, you'll see a good many posts on very good relationships.

This is not just about problems, but about THTWD in general and much more besides.



I really don't doubt that for lots of people it hasn't worked out, and that it does really hurt when that happens, but eventually time heals and it surely has to be worth a shot if there is a chance of it working?


Why, yes, of course. I think I must have expressed myself very clumsily if you got that impression. Again, I was talking about vanilla><bdsm seeking.



I just fail to see how if you meet someone "on the scene" and then strike up a relationship, you could both happily give up what you had/did before in public and enter into pure privacy at home? That's why I'm concered about going out to events because I'm not convinced I'll find what I'm looking for, it already seems too public for me!

I do not see why someone who was looking for a partner should not be happy to retreat to the domestic scene if one was found. Anyway, there is no harm in looking.

denuseri
02-04-2011, 11:57 AM
People use third parties for vanila encounters too...so I dont see why whoever it is needs to know that your going to get kinky per say.

ar1
02-05-2011, 06:14 AM
As for this forum, it is by no means only used by people who have a troubled bdsm life.

Oh of course not! I didn't mean to imply that at all - whoops!


This is not just about problems, but about THTWD in general and much more besides.

What is THTWD?


I do not see why someone who was looking for a partner should not be happy to retreat to the domestic scene if one was found. Anyway, there is no harm in looking.

A very valid point, it's just they're such different things. Playing in public/being in public is something you'd be doing because you enjoyed doing it. Why would you give that up if it gave you pleasure? It seems to me a bit like you'd be giving up a bit of your life, a major hobby or something - finding a partner and 'retreating' doesn't seem to compliment the former activities in any way?


People use third parties for vanila encounters too...so I dont see why whoever it is needs to know that your going to get kinky per say.

True. So if I'm going to a BDSM club night, for example, bearing in mind I'd also be travelling to and from the club alone, what could I tell a friend? It would seem weird to say "I'm going to a club by myself" and would also then provoke the question "oh can I come?" I guess I could make out it's catered for a particular interest that wouldn't suit them, but I'm not really sure how to go about saying that without explaining further...

denuseri
02-05-2011, 10:16 AM
The only reason one would need it for a public club proper would be if one was intending to up and leave with someone they didnt know and go elsewhere.

Ozme52
02-05-2011, 10:52 AM
It could it all depends on what that other persons intentions really were too.

Look at some of the adds in the personals section of the forums...there are people posting for online only, online to real life/ real life only etc and for every fetish along the way.

Just please keep saftey in the forefront of your dealings. Not everyone out there is who and what they say they are.

My biggest single mistake was not having a responsible third party who would call the cops etc if I didn't check in periodically, no one new where I was going or who I was with, I got very lucky to survive my only online to real life encounter...I hope and pray no one else goes through the same.

Yes, the mistake was not having taken safety measures.
The second "mistake" was to not tried again. *wink wink - nudge nudge"

Ozme52
02-05-2011, 10:55 AM
People use third parties for vanila encounters too...so I dont see why whoever it is needs to know that your going to get kinky per say.

Exactly what I was going to say.

And btw, I've set up safe calls in the past too. There's no shame in it and anyone objecting or saying they're insulted is being ingenuous or short-sighted.

Ozme52
02-05-2011, 11:02 AM
True. So if I'm going to a BDSM club night, for example, bearing in mind I'd also be travelling to and from the club alone, what could I tell a friend? It would seem weird to say "I'm going to a club by myself" and would also then provoke the question "oh can I come?" I guess I could make out it's catered for a particular interest that wouldn't suit them, but I'm not really sure how to go about saying that without explaining further...

Regarding a club, I'll ponder on that... but as for any "meeting" with someone first met on the net, just say that. Not what you'll be doing beyond coffee or lunch, just that you're meeting someone from online. For most folk,THAT is sufficient reason for a safe-call. In my opinion, more necessary for a vanilla meet and greet than a kinky meet and greet. Vanilla posers are potentially more dangerous. ;)

Don't forget... many predators expect you to make a safety call... so also set up the expectation of checking in hourly (or so) and have a "duress" word. Such as, if all is well, you can say that, say "good", say "great" say just about anything, except one word that means you're in trouble. "Wonderful" works. "Brilliant" perhaps if you're English. Just a word you won't accidently use if you ARE having a great time and are all excited. (I hate it when the cops burst in just as a girl is cumming.)

Ozme52
02-05-2011, 11:04 AM
The only reason one would need it for a public club proper would be if one was intending to up and leave with someone they didnt know and go elsewhere.

Good point. Public clubs are probably the safest venue. Private dungeons (in homes) are a close second if the invitation is more or less open. (A mixed group of people met at a munch.)

ar1
02-05-2011, 11:23 AM
The only reason one would need it for a public club proper would be if one was intending to up and leave with someone they didnt know and go elsewhere.

My main concern isn't about any danger within the club, but my travelling alone to and from the club - hence the need, IMO, for somebody to know where it is I'm going. Only last night I was waiting for a bus home in the early hours (with a female friend) and a guy approached us at the bus stop asking for sex and not taking our disinterest as an answer. Another guy was also waiting for the bus and I asked him if he could possibly help us and he just started laughing with the other guy (who by this point had said he was going to follow us home on the bus). In the end I waved down a taxi, the driver whom very kindly gave us a free ride back home after I'd explained our situation and that we had no money just our travel ticket. Thus why I feel the need to let somebody know exactly where I'm going whatever it is I'm doing if I'm going alone...

Hence returning back to how if I say I'm going to a club alone, it poses the question "well why can't I come too?"

ar1
02-05-2011, 11:27 AM
In my opinion, more necessary for a vanilla meet and greet than a kinky meet and greet. Vanilla posers are potentially more dangerous. ;)

Haha I like that! ;-)


(I hate it when the cops burst in just as a girl is cumming.)

This sounds like an interesting story if you'd care to share?!!

thir
02-06-2011, 07:33 AM
What is THTWD?

It was meant to be The Things That We do, but I forgot a couple of letters.



True. So if I'm going to a BDSM club night, for example, bearing in mind I'd also be travelling to and from the club alone, what could I tell a friend? It would seem weird to say "I'm going to a club by myself" and would also then provoke the question "oh can I come?" I guess I could make out it's catered for a particular interest that wouldn't suit them, but I'm not really sure how to go about saying that without explaining further...

If you are talking to me:

There are 2 different strategies here:

1) Go to a club. This is supposed to be more safe. Talk to an organiser beforehand.
2) Adds. As I said, when visiting in a non-public place for the first time, tell someone where you are going, but you do not have to say what exactly you are going to do there, do you? Just that you are seeing a guy for the first time.

thir
02-06-2011, 07:37 AM
[QUOTE=ami_r90;906148 OK so you have seriously got me thinking now, but the one thing I'd find a bit weird would be, for example, putting a post out there (or a profile or whatever), having a number of replies and then striking up conversation with lots of people (potential partners) at once. With each person there'd be the unspoken implication that it could go further since that was the nature from which contact started. Could that pose a problem later on? Ideas? Thank you :-)[/QUOTE]

I do not see why. You have not promised anybody anything at that stage.

If you do start to get serious with someone though, you should be honest about whether you are seeing or talking to others.

thir
02-06-2011, 07:40 AM
The only reason one would need it for a public club proper would be if one was intending to up and leave with someone they didnt know and go elsewhere.

Which would not be adviceable in terms of safety.

denuseri
02-06-2011, 11:32 AM
No I agree its not all that wise to run off with someone one just met.

Ozme52
02-06-2011, 03:27 PM
I hate it when the cops burst in just as a girl is cumming.


This sounds like an interesting story if you'd care to share?!!

That's a more hypothetical scenario. I've had a husband walk in... but he was cool (and they were poly.) He said, "Oh excuse me, please continue." ... and I did.

Ozme52
02-06-2011, 03:29 PM
What is THTWD?

It was meant to be The Things That We do, but I forgot a couple of letters.


heheh, I wondered if that was the case. What It Is That We Do (WIITWD) is how I've heard the phrase.

Ozme52
02-06-2011, 03:34 PM
No I agree its not all that wise to run off with someone one just met.

Except for me... but I can give "just met" references. ;)

VaAugusta
02-07-2011, 09:49 PM
One girl that I met in real life told her safe call person that she met me from a dating site, which I kinda hated because, frankly, dating sites are the last refuge for people who can't do anything in real life. She didn't mention it was a kink-related one of course. I hated it because if I ended up meeting her roomate, I'd be a guy from a dating site. Yuck. But it does help to explain WHY so many precautions are being taken, at least.

People feel more comfortable once they finally meet in person. That's why vanilla encounters have such a high rate of success. You can usually tell if someone is a weirdo off the bat. And of course, before people come flying in with: "They could seem normal until they have you tied up1!!!!!" There might be someone who appears all normal but is secretly a serial killer.

If you happen to run into her, then you were probably fated to die. Sorry, luck was against you!

thir
02-08-2011, 07:24 AM
One girl that I met in real life told her safe call person that she met me from a dating site, which I kinda hated because, frankly, dating sites are the last refuge for people who can't do anything in real life. She didn't mention it was a kink-related one of course. I hated it because if I ended up meeting her roomate, I'd be a guy from a dating site. Yuck. But it does help to explain WHY so many precautions are being taken, at least.


I kind of have the same feeling, I do not like to say that I have met people on a site/add somewhere.

But I am working with it, because it really isn't true that dating sites are the last refuge. If we all lived in a small village and had time on our hands, we would run into other people naturally. But things are not very natural any more. We move in narrow circles, often with very little time to see other people than our co-workers or whatever. The natural societies of the past are not here anymore, and in the course of your life you do not have much chance to see anyone, especially if you do not like cafees or bars or the like, or do not have loads of time for various organisations and meetings.

So you have to do something else, and the really sad thing would be to sit in a room and do nothing!

I think these times can be described as times of emigration: people meet each other over the net, fall in love on the net, and eventually meet and get married. It is a mind-to-mind meeting, with cluttering social signals out of the way. I live in UK, come from Denmark, have a sister in Sweden. MyLord have family in Scotland, US and Australia. My sister's friend's daughter lives in Australia, and they have to meet in Thailand for family gatherings. And I could go on.

All of which is just to underline that meeting on the net is natural.

All the same, a partner should not be more free with information than you are comfortable with. On general pronciple.

ar1
02-12-2011, 08:51 AM
One girl that I met in real life told her safe call person that she met me from a dating site, which I kinda hated because, frankly, dating sites are the last refuge for people who can't do anything in real life. She didn't mention it was a kink-related one of course. I hated it because if I ended up meeting her roomate, I'd be a guy from a dating site. Yuck. But it does help to explain WHY so many precautions are being taken, at least.

I have to say I'm with you on this one too... A few weeks ago I brought up the topic of dating sites with some friends and they all looked horrified at the thought of me using the internet in order to meet anyone - like you said, their view was that it was a last resort for people and I'm nowhere near needing to be at that stage. I think any mention of me meeting someone I met on a dating site would cause quite a stir, but of course if I just said I met them online that would raise a lot more questions about where exactly.

Finally debating whether to just come out with it all and confide in a close friend or two and hope that they can understand or at the very least tolerate my interest and watch my back, so to speak, if I say I'm going somewhere with someone who I've met through the internet. It's a really daunting thought though, and I'm thinking I'd rather confide in my mum than a friend who I live with, in order to still have somebody aware of what I'm doing and when as a safety measure. Of course that's a really scary thought too!

I wish I was invincible...

VaAugusta
02-12-2011, 01:25 PM
Real quick retrospective thing I did...

So, for my first time meeting someone, I had given my phone number to a person I had talked to from a fetish site. We hadn't actually 'met' before, in person. Well anyways, I used that person as my safe call, guys need them too I suppose.. anyways, probably was a bad idea for a few reasons:
1) This person was like me, and doesn't want to be outed at all. If I hadn't called back, maybe the person would rather not have to explain to people how we know each other, the situation, etc.
2) This person has no reason to believe my story at all.. For all this person knows, I may have been the crazy one.

Just throwing that out there was probably a bad idear on my part.

ar1
04-20-2011, 12:00 PM
Meeting a different someone for the first time tomorrow night, and am pretty excited about it :-) We've been talking for a few days online (not long at all, I know) and we've been getting on really well and seem to have quite a lot in common. We're just going to see how well we 'click' in person, and then see if there might be opportunity to have some fun together too or just remain friends. I'll be sure to tell a friend I'm meeting someone off the internet and set up a safe call or two. And if I were to go back to his house afterwards, I'll make sure to text the address to the friend before being all tied up and helpless at his!! Wish me luck :-)

Ozme52
04-26-2011, 09:22 AM
So how did it go?

ar1
04-26-2011, 03:43 PM
So how did it go?

:-D

That enough for you?

Ozme52
04-27-2011, 07:19 AM
Of course not. Tell... reveal... divulge... blurt!

ar1
04-27-2011, 08:21 AM
Of course not. Tell... reveal... divulge... blurt!

We met for a few drinks and were getting along well, and decided to go to another "cosier" bar after a few hours and got a little cosier with each other too :-) I ended up back at his and we explored a lot of the fetishes that we had already discovered we had in common, and finally fell asleep about 5.30am! I had to leave 2 hours later so left him a little message as he slept, and he text me when he woke up saying he'd had a great time and we should definitely repeat it (hurrah!). I was out of town for a few days but got back Sunday night with an invitation to join him at his for the night. I accepted, and we went on indulging in our fetishes and trying new ones together that we hadn't had time for previously! The next morning he impressed me with his guitar skills, playing for me and singing along. And we haven't had time to see each other again yet so he's set me some homework to keep me busy, hehe.

As for the fetishes themselves... if I told you, well, let's just say I'd have to find a way to silence you ;-)

Ozme52
04-28-2011, 07:54 AM
As for the fetishes themselves... if I told you, well, let's just say I'd have to find a way to silence you ;-)

That's too bad... that they're sooooooooooo tame you'd fear I'd be dismissive... ;^D

But it does sound as though you've found a potential playmate, at the least, and perhaps more.
Congrats

ar1
04-28-2011, 12:45 PM
That's too bad... that they're sooooooooooo tame you'd fear I'd be dismissive... ;^D

Now now, don't reduce yourself to subtle techniques such as this in an attempt to make me divulge all! ;-)


But it does sound as though you've found a potential playmate, at the least, and perhaps more.
Congrats

Hmm, it does, but this the first time I've ever done anything 'casual' with someone and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Of course if we're both having fun then that's great, and yeah in no way does it have to be serious, but I wouldn't be comfortable with being just one of a number of playmates. Guess we already need to have a talk lol! Any advice?

Ozme52
04-29-2011, 07:22 AM
Depends on your relationship requirements. Just be open and communicative. Answers you don't "like" do not necessitate a change, merely introspection as to whether or not they're reasonable or consistant with your requirements as an interim step, or if more than you want, explorable. Make not snap decisions but ponder first. Don't throw any proverbial babies out with the bathwater.

PS. Subtlety wasn't my intention. I thought I was being very obvious!

ar1
04-29-2011, 08:13 AM
Just be open and communicative.

Best answer there is. I guess when it comes down to it, if I'm "too" open and communicative, and end up saying things that he might not want to hear (like I can't just see someone for sex, it has to be more than that even if it's not a proper relationship) then I'm probably better off without anyway. And I overanalyse everything way too much - for all I know he could be having exactly the same worries about me as I am about him. Although that might be 90% wishful thinking...