Have you ever?

[Purple23]

Hi all.. Have you ever hidden your BDSM lifestyle from friends/family and then had someone find out about it? How did they react? Did they support you, or act like you were crazy and going to hell for being a Master or sub? What did you do when they found out?

The reason I'm asking is because I am currently involved in an online relationship with a wonderful Dom, and I recently had a friend find out about my interests. She didn't support them at all, and I lost a very close friend.

Any advice/experience you have would be greatly appreciated. If you haven't been in this situation, you can still answer. How do you think you would react to them having found out?

Thank you all for reading this.

Purple

[leo9]

Someone who I thought was a friend reacted badly to an overly frank account of my life with my new slave-wife, and among other things passed it on to my sister for comments. (Even when I made it up with my friend, I never got clear why she did that.) My sister was... concerned; if she was shocked she tried to put it to one side, but she wanted to understand why she shouldn't conclude that I or my wife or both of us were seriously sick puppies. (I think the worst case she envisaged was that I was some kind of monster abusing someone too emotionally sick to resist.) We exchanged some very intense letters, at the end of which she allowed that while it looked very weird to her she accepted that it wasn't harming either of us, and beyond that it wasn't her business to judge.

In a way it helped that she and I had never been very close, so it wasn't too hard to get back to where we'd been. She's always treated me with what looks like exasperated tolerance, so this just gave her another reason to see me as only barely legally responsible :-}

I'm afraid this might not help you, because that solution depends on having someone who really wants to understand and make the effort to see a very alien point of view. It sounds as if your friend backed off too fast for any chance of explanations. Is it possible that a third party might persuade her to at least get in touch and try to talk it out?

[Purple23]

Hi Leo
Thanks for your response.
She did back out pretty quickly. I think she was more shocked than anything else. I've always been the shy, quiet good girl. So this was a huge shock for her. And, she was raised as a very religious Christian. Her parents taught her that anything like bdsm, lesbians, gays, etc, was bad, and should be frowned at. One of the problems is breaking through that barrier, and getting her to listen. I haven't thought about the third party idea, but I definitely will have to think about it and try it.
I'm glad you and your sister worked things out. Its definitely hard for someone who has never thought about the lifestyle to hear about it, much less accept it.
Thanks again for your response. It gave me a lot to think about.
Purple

[Putnamcocpl]

Wow, what a way to make a re-emergence..

Purple, in this life we are always for one reason or another, going to have people who either do not understand us, or do not approve of VARIOUS aspects of a life that isn't theirs. I often find it IRONIC, that those that wish to JUDGE others, rarely look in their own backyards, or closets. Your own case, of the friend, who thru her upbringing has PRE PROGRAMMED biases against other lifestyles, is an excellent example. Do these Biases also extend into, say the use of ALCOHOL? Does she have hang ups over "NORMAL SEX"? I am betting if asked, she would freak out over the suggestion that she may have MASTURBATED. Which we all know is a HEALTHY act accepted by the medical and psychological community as NORMAL.

The key question is, was this a person that was important to you?

[Purple23]

Yes. She was very important. She was one of my closest, best friends for several years.

[amina70]

My closest family doesn't know anything of my lifestyle except that my oldest kids know i like it...Got to know by mistake...My daughter hates the thought of it but she doesn't know i have a Master....Nobody knows that,except my closest and best friend....She is not into bdsm lifestyle but supports me about my Master.... My family(sister,parents and other)would get shocked if they got to know that i am a slave now and that i have a Master...They got shocked when i became muslim but i think this is far more "worse "for them......will be to much...muslim AND a slave....and having a Master....They don't know much about bdsm anyway,but i think they have heard about SM.The old name of it....

[LadyArana]

My response here may sound overly cliched and very much like an after school special, but if your friend couldn't accept that you chose a different lifestyle than she has, and leave judgement to her almighty, all-knowing God, instead of judging you herself, she wasn't much of a friend to begin with. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but even the BIBLE says "Judge not, lest ye be judged." (Matthew 7:1). It is not her place to decide what is and is not acceptable for you to do within your own life. Judgement, according to Christianity, is something reserved for GOD to do. Not His followers. Again, this may sound harsh, and if it does, I'm sorry, but that's how I see it.

[scarlet_85]

I am very open about my BDSM lifestyle. My Dom and I are in a committed relationship. My mother knows and she has never said anything negative about it. But she's kinky in her own way so... lol

I have lost one friend of 11 years over it, but not because he didn't approve of what I was doing. He was upset that I would not allow him to be my Dom. He wanted me to experiment and explore my submissive side, but was truly hurt when I allowed my Master to collar me. It affected him way worse than I thought it would.

In my opinion... be yourself. Do what makes you happy. And don't let anyone or anything hold you back. If you choose to keep your lifestyle a mystery, than so be it. But if you are open about it, your true friends will support you regardless and your family will love you just the same.

I love being open about it. Even today, with bruises from last nights play session, my mother just chuckled a little and gave me a hug. I don't have to bs my way through explanations. People just know. And since He has made me happier than I've ever been, it is accepted as normal.

:)