View Full Version : Initiating bdsm sex??
shyslut
03-05-2011, 07:15 PM
Ok me and my husband are normally intimate in a vanilla fashion. Its pretty wordless and understood. No one really initiates except that yes my husband physically is the first one to reach his hand out but im right there waiting for it.
Bdsm is a different matter though. I say hey lets plan to do it. He says so too. We always agree yes we should do it soon. Hes always the first one to physically reach out. Im really shy I really cant say things very well.
The problem is sometimes we have plans and I have my hand out but he is distracted and doesn't reach his out. So how can I nonverbally initiate in a way that is understood to be bdsm and NOT vanilla. I dont really have a collar so I cant just put on on and hell equate that.
I could get on my hands and knees with a flogger in my mouth. But that feels like im more like putting ideas in his head of my wants than just initiating.
What do you guys suggest?
emeralds
03-05-2011, 09:05 PM
im sorry shyslut.. but im a great believer in communication (unfortunately learnt the hard way).. take a time out... agree on code words.. or use pictures, play a certain song, dress up (mmm corsets are sooo sexy) or down (be naked when he gets home) ..document it in a journal but from experience.. if you cant express yourself to your partner.. it often means one or both will be very disappointed... or other option show your partner your thread..at least he will be aware of your needs..i wish you well.. em
VaAugusta
03-05-2011, 10:36 PM
A neat way to negotiate a scene is to play BDSM Mad Libs, where the sub-type can write down the template, and the d-type can fill in the blanks with all that crazy funness.
Kneeling at his feet, fully clothed sends a pretty powerful message. Simply indicates your frame of mind, and what you're trying to communicate without telling him what to do. He's got the ability to notice and not take the offer, or notice and proceed with the opening you've given him.
Ozme52
03-06-2011, 12:28 AM
That was to be my suggestion too... Kneel. I prefer a naked submissive, but ID is right. You offer yourself for his pleasure. It's up to him to use you or not.
I have to agree with the above two posts, somehow gifting yourself to him is a very direct suggestion. Kneeling could work, but if that's still a little too forward for you and you would still prefer for him to initiate the scene, maybe you could design a basic 'certificate' or something to present to him which would say that you're his to do with as he pleases for x amount of time. That way, he can take the certificate, put it away somewhere, and get it out again to use when he's ready to engage in BDSM with you and has thought up the scene he wants to create for you etc. Hope I've helped :-) Good luck.
shyslut
03-06-2011, 11:12 AM
Yea I do usually communicate well its just when Im shy I cant say much lol
So thanks for the suggestions guys ill definitely be trying them out!
scarlet_85
03-31-2011, 08:14 PM
Communication is key. There was about 3 months of conversation with my Master before even a warm up session happened. I think the more you talk about it, the better experience you'll have.
ChrissieLecker
04-01-2011, 10:41 AM
You could always get a piece of jewelry as a signal that you're ready and willing to play? E.g. something like a black onyx ring (those should be around 10$ and look quite good) that you wear when you're in the mood and don't feel secure enough to announce it more conspicuously.
VaAugusta
04-03-2011, 12:12 PM
Bam! BANNED!
Master_Nova
04-03-2011, 10:48 PM
Yea I do usually communicate well its just when Im shy I cant say much lol
So thanks for the suggestions guys ill definitely be trying them out!
Love that Name slut................
.