Where did you start?

[DeityorDevil]

I figured I'd start a new thread, rather than piggybacking on mkp's thread, to talk about where we started. A few people have chimed in with some of their early experiences, and it might be a really helpful read for folks that are newer to the scene and not sure if what they're going through is "normal" (whatever that is,) or not.

So, where did you start? How did you come around to finding what flips your switch (pun intended)?

[Snark]

In an attempt to throw more fuel on the "nature vs. nurture" fire, one of my earliest memories in life is about the strange thrill I got while playing with a long dog chain. Since the memory is quite clear, and I was in the front (and later back) yard of the house that my family moved out of when I was 6 years old, the interest has been part of me for a looong time. There are other memories of that age, of course, but none that give any suggestion as to why bondage fantasies would be fascinating and stimulating to an individual so young. Just precocious, I suppose.

[Ozme52]

I use to dream of women in chains, and (alas because I didn't copyright the idea... being pre-web, who knew,) fucking machines... and my earliest recollection of such dreams came at about age 9.

Not merely precocious... kinkily precocious. ;)

[Keltar]

An early age like everything else shaped everything, always was rather sexual or curious about sex. I use to remember watching movies and shows on TV, back then people around here really did not care, they were not prudes about the human body or sex, that was a part of life, why shelter anyone from it? I remember many of us when we were very young watching more then a few dirty movies together, such things were amusing to us. As I got older I always was interested in all things sex, I began to think how fun it would be to take control of another, when reading books or seeing movies of such things it always came off so natural, so right. Society might have shied away from such things but I did my best to read about these things. As time went on I had more then a few occasions to take charge of some, it did not matter if they were single, involved or even married. I owned their asses. I commanded them. Taught them, took care of them and taught them their proper place in the world. They needed it, they craved it, they belonged to me. They were happy like that, they were fulfilled, they knew happiness, a peace that they were otherwise deprived. Their sweet lips begged to give up everything to be owned, controlled. That control, that dominance, knowing they are mine, in every way, no matter what. It is the best feeling in the world, especially when they look up in ones eyes and you can see them plead for it without words. Then you control them without a single word and make their body shiver as you watch them.

Such is worth living for.

[DeityorDevil]

I think I was precocious, although not "overly" so (whatever the fuck that is.) I know that I really always liked sex a lot. Some light bondage (bandannas and things) worked their way into my repertoire fairly early on and I think I've always had a tendency to at least "top" in sexual situations (in both the 'take charge' sense, and the butt-fucking sense) and guys have generally responded really well to that. I think I fought that tendency a lot though, under the impression that it made me "weird."

I've been through some fairly significant life changes, where the lifestyle and scene had to take a back seat to more pressing issues, so it's really more recently that I've decided to just- roll with what my natural inclination is. I'm lucky to have a partner who is just that- my partner in crime and pleasure, and fun and games, and all the other things that come with life, who has been nudging me to just- be who I am for about three years now. I'm much happier for it.

[Anita Blake]

It is the best feeling in the world, especially when they look up in ones eyes and you can see them plead for it without words. Then you control them without a single word and make their body shiver as you watch them.

Such is worth living for.

This is intense. I am shivering now. I couldn’t help but feel jealous.

[Liushka]

I have had an interest in sex since I was quite young, and remember having had erotic dreams since I was about 10 year old. I always had an inclination for history and medieval ages, gothic styles, and all things together, that led me to an interest in bdsm topics and practices. That included writing "kinky" erotic stories back in my catholic high school days. Being quite intellectual, I have also appreciated the topics of sex as a matter to research and discuss. Brain is the first sexual organ, and that is something I very much believe in.

As for my dominant behaviour, it has always been in me, and while I could go on about how I like dominating others, especially females, I believe that I couldn't say it as good as Keltar. So let's simply say that beside him being even worse than me, I have found it natural to dominate people for almost half my (still young) life.

[Anita Blake]

I like dominating others, especially females

Why especially females?

[Anita Blake]

who has been nudging me to just- be who I am for about three years now.

You are indeed very lucky!

[DeityorDevil]

You are indeed very lucky!

Yes, he is also very patient. ;) Well, I've had some other things in my life to sort out. But embracing all parts of who I am has made a big difference in my overall contentment with the world.

[Liushka]

Why especially females?

I used to enjoy dominating both males and females, but domming males is something I got tired of a few years ago. It wasn't fun anymore to me, which is probably I have such a great chemistry with Keltar, because he can't be dominated, which makes things way more fun.

As for females, I still have a blast domming them, and always find it very thrilling. And since Keltar and I are both dominant, the thought of domming a girl together is quite inspiring.

[scarlet_85]

About 4 months ago (yes very new to it) a friend of mine had posted a FB thread where he wanted everyone to help write a story. I, along with 3 of my other friends, started posting on his thread like crazy! I have always been a very dominating, confident woman in my everyday life. I have control over my day to day life. A friend of mine popped off and called me Mistress Scarlet because of my strong personality. Nobody else in the thread caught what he was implying, but I did. I instantly became intrigued and sparked conversation with him. Only I wanted to lose control. I wanted to submit. Having control 24/7 is exhausting. And here I am now ;)

[leo9]

I'm intrigued by how many people recall being precociously sexual (though a Freudian might say they were normal, and the others just don't acknowledge it.) I didn't think of it as sexual – sex was how grownups made babies – but I knew from as far back as I can remember that I got a special thrill from stories where people were tied or chained up, and descriptions of elaborate tortures in accounts of pirates or the Middle Ages.

I recall, about aged 7, stripping off in my room and experimenting with “tortures” like sitting on hairbrushes and walking on spikes. (I got a drawing pin in my foot and had to pass it off as an accident!) I imagined this was being done to me by some undefined enemies, who would make me slave for them naked and chained, or tie me up and use my naked body as furniture. We didn't have any big nudity taboo in my family – nobody locked the bathroom door unless we had guests, and me and my sisters dressed and undressed together without thinking anything of it. But being stripped by enemies was a completely different, scary and exciting idea.

Most of the fantasies I can recall at that age were about things being done to me, though I did sometimes enjoy imagining horrible punishments for bullies or teachers. But by the time I discovered masturbation I was mixing dom and sub ideas, with the idea of me doing it to others getting increasingly attractive. When I finally found a few kids who wanted to try the same things, I quickly decided that doing it was way more fun!

My first lover was wonderfully enthusiastic but incurably vanilla, but with my second one I discovered that holding her wrists while I kissed her turned her on, and pinning them behind her was even more exciting. So that night I tied her hands to the top of the bed and she went wild. The relationship didn't last much longer, but I had time to work up to chaining her down for sex and caning her ass, and after that I knew what I needed and wouldn't settle for less.

[onemoresecret]

I'm so happy to see this topic! I'm incredibly new round here (this is my first post!) but I'm really loving everyone's inital perceptions.

I guess when other people always had notions of this, I kinda agree. I always remember when I was younger, aged about 7, being very interested in sex. I was probably more knowledgeable than alot of people my age! And I recall having erotic dreams around 10 too. In your usual rough rough-and-tumble childhood games, where people grappled, I loved being pinned to the ground or generally held down and restrained. I also remember a fascination for things like collars and darker things than most of my peers. Once I was older, I started actively imagining being restrained and dominated by another. When everyone else says they always knew, that they always had signs of BDSM...I felt as if I didn't and therefore couldn't truly be part of the scene!

After typing that out, I see now that perhaps my inclination was always there, just not realised! A newbie dipping her toe in the water here. Finding everyone else's opinions utterly fascinating!:)

[ksst]

My then boyfriend (now husband) asked me if I wanted to try being tied up during sex. I said yes and it was a big unexpected thrill, leading to obsession I guess.

[ar1]

For a long time I always had fantasies of dominating others and using them for my pleasure. I loved reading erotic stories with a strong, dominant female character I could relate to, and playing out her feats over and over in my head with me in her shoes. Funnily enough, however, when I got my first chance to really dominate someone I discovered I didn't have it in me, and instead craved to be the one being dominated! So the roles switched, and I've realised I'm most definitely a submissive. I still have the desires and fantasies to dominate, so here's hoping I can develop my skills enough to be able to give domming another go one day. As my profile says, 95% sub, 5% domme, though I'm not sure my chances are even that good! :P

[turquiose]

I think I had always thought about little things but was afraid to say something. My ex was a jealous controlling prick. Then a guy I had been friends with for years kissed me at a Halloween party (I was completely shocked). Fought it off for about 4 months. I wasn't interested in a relationship after 13 years of hell! Finally, I gave in. Once this man and I began to be intimate I was amazed. It all started with him wrapping his hand around my throat. I loved it. All the things I had fantasized about he was doing! It isn't just sex either! He can put me in a euphoric coma like state with out even penetrating me. In my everyday life I am an authority figure but with him I get to be a helpless woman. His demands and aggressive touch just do it for me.

[donna1991]

although being new to bdsm,i think i knew i was submissive when i used to be bullied at school and actually enjoyed it and got turned on by it

[Xmaster1]

I discovered masturbation early, maybe around 5, and right after that I discovered fantasies. In my fantasies the girls were crawling, pulling carts, being abused by me but I also put myself in their place, being both dom and sub at the same time. Mainly so I could feel what I was doing to them and enjoy their humiliation and discomfort. (Yeah sounds weird when I type it out). I knew it was unusual and worried I was going to hell for those thoughts, but I didn't stop and eventually realized it wasn't a bad thing, just different. I knew what I wanted but I was raised to respect women and to never treat them badly and never ever force them. (values I still hold today, strange as it may sound) I really never expected to find someone in real life that would enjoy having me do the things I longed to do. When the (pre) internet came along, I started finding like minded people and a whole new world opened up. Maybe because my first experiences were online, I enjoy it as much or even more at times than real life encounters. It is a very different dynamic. I envy some of the people here who can explain things so elegantly, I always feel like I write too much and say too little. Every dom is different, every sub a unique treasure and I so love learning from all of them.

[davina_]

Good place to start- I think I started thinking about sex around ten or so but it quickly developed into these weird fantasies that I have no idea where they came from. My fantasies have always included severely dominating females but, then, always included a reciprocal fantasy where I became their victim as well. I always thought it was just a form of justification or keeping things equal. I have never doubted the women were better as some things but then I also think men are better at other things. In all, I believe we are all humans first with equal ability and authority. As I've matured, I think less about dominating women and more about serving them. But that also comes from a strong sense of who I am and belief in myself. I think nature was kind to me so I don't have to prove anything, so I can afford to do what ever I like. My wife really likes my submissive side but that isn't easy as I constantly top from the bottom. I should also add that I was never really into any kind of physical bondage or violence so much as mental games and humiliation. That's what has always lit my fire.

As far as training, my wife and I have "played" about every role we can think of. And that's why I'm here, to try and learn more and new things. We will always be monogamous but we don't mind trying anything new between the two of us. It's all fun when you can share it with someone you love.

[curiouskiwi]

I think that for me a series of rejections set it off. I've always had this want to belong to someone. Every man I've ever had in my life up until four weeks ago has hurt me abused me or rejected me all together. (yes including family) Over the years the want I had to belong to someone grew and grew into an obsession.

My stepfather sexually and physically abused me for two years when I was younger. I dont remember much of it but I do remember that it was because of his constant beatings that I trained myself to like pain. I got sick of crying for him and giving him the satisfaction of hurting me so each day I though of the sting of a belt a little more and prickly and soon enough I began to like it. I was still a good little girl bur there are somethings that I couldn't change even after I got of that situation. If someone hit me in a fight I loved it...I loved how the pain made me feel and wet it made me. I did stretches constantly when I had time to keep my muscles sore so I could have a bit of pain to carry around with me each day.

Deep down in my heart I'm a sub but only to Master Dave. And lately I'm completely fine with my need for a little pain in my sex.

[davina_]

Damn curious, you are one of those cases that just break my heart. Not that you need any sympathy or pity from me. It sounds like you have found the peace in your life that makes you complete and happy. And I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you nothing more than a life of bliss. But, I too, had an abusive step-father that beat the hell out of us. I can't count the beatings I took for my sisters after I convinced him that whatever happened was my fault. I can't bear to imagine a male touching a female that way unless it is done very gently in a BDSM and not an angry way. I'm just one of those sick fools that likes to imagine all females belong on a pedestal. At least most of the time ;-)

[iucundavi]

I really never expected to find someone in real life that would enjoy having me do the things I longed to do. When the (pre) internet came along, I started finding like minded people and a whole new world opened up. Maybe because my first experiences were online, I enjoy it as much or even more at times than real life encounters. It is a very different dynamic. I envy some of the people here who can explain things so elegantly, I always feel like I write too much and say too little. Every dom is different, every sub a unique treasure and I so love learning from all of them.
I really appreciated this comment-I know that lots of people prefer real life but, perhaps because most of my education on BDSM has come from online, I feel more comfortable, at least initially, with the online dimension.

I started relatively late compared to some of the previous posters. I didn't realize I had dominant tendencies until my first real girlfriend and I started fooling around, at fourteen. I'll never forget the feeling of absolute control that came over me the first time she sucked my cock, especially when she looked up with a beautiful look in her eyes, the look of someone desperate to please her man. At first it freaked me out how much I enjoyed being on top and being served, but over the years I've gradually accepted that it's just a part of who I am, and has become a more important part as time goes on.

[Kore]

The delicious intent is when no words are spoken, not one finger will touch, not one bead of sweat exchanged. The intoxicating exchange is the energy and soulful expression of truth to own and be owned within an honorable trust shared between two.

[curious_wanna_obeyu]

I started online after finding a woman to chat with, she got me into being a dominant to force her to be tied up. She loved the idea of being in a collar and led around on by a leash.She loved the thought of having a cage on her mouth. She always wanted a mistress involved with us and that would always drive her to orgasm. I invited her here because this is a great site to find out more about what you really really want.

[Oldskool454]

I have always had a "secret" obsession with BDSM imagery and the mental idea of controlling, or being controlled by, another person in a vulnerable sexual situation. My ex wife made sure to let me know she was NOT interested in any part of it, and went out of her way to make me feel "bad" or "perverted" for having interest in anything other than "vanilla".

When I got divorced a few years back, I did allot of reading and introspection and realized how emasculated I had become and made massive strides towards becoming an "Alpha Male". I never even thought that that would cross over into sexuality, it just didn't occur to me. Well I met some women through dating and discovered that the "Passive Submissive Male" is a major problem for many women out there now. They ASKED me to be more blatantly dominant and controlling and told me they enjoyed it. It escalated into BDSM as they slowly admitted interest in "stuff they have always been ashamed or scared to admit they liked or wanted".

So here I am, just looking to learn more about myself, and what my subs want and need.

[Velocity]

I met this guy that I fell wild and crazy in love with, and the first time ever in my entire life I felt comfortable sharing with someone my secret fantasy of being completely submissive to someone. He had an extremely dominant personality so even though he had never dabbled into the world of BDSM, he started doing tons of research and before long he was calling me his princess, and I was calling him my Master. I loved that we got to learn and experience it all together.

At one point we separated and I missed the lifestyle so much that I tried it with a different person and it was AWFUL. I flat out refused to do anything he asked me to do and within about a day I realized what a horrible mistake it was. For me, it wasn't the lifestyle itself so much as living the lifestyle WITH HIM. I know it's not like that for everyone, and maybe there's someone else out there in the world that I would be able to live it with.... but I sincerely doubt that. It's about Him and me. Not about me and anyone who could dominate me.

[lexora]

I think I started when I was around 7-9 I liked being tied up, then went from there.

[ksst]

This week I was cleaning out a cedar chest so the leg could be repaired and found my old diaries. Page after page of cringe-inducing adolescent dorkiness from 1981 to 1990. Why do we write diaries, and why save them? In one diary from when I was 15, (pre first boyfriend), all around the margins I had written S & M. Then for the outside of the diary switched that to M/S so that people looking at it wouldn't realize what I was writing (clever, huh? Jeez- slap head). There was also a horrible sketch of a many armed eagle creature whipping a formless person who was tied to a tree. So I guess it started earlier than I remembered.

[davina_]

That is amazing that some people can remember back to when they were five or seven years old or maybe I'm just too old to remember back that far now. I do remember a couple things when I was around seven but they were particularly memorable events like birthdays and Christmas.

I do remember, quite vividly, having some really perverted fantasies around eleven years old. They were all over the place and included ideas that I must have picked up from catching a glimpse of some movie I probably wasn't supposed to see but I remember a lot of torture and often sexual torture most of which where I was dominating a female. I think I developed what I thought, (at the time), was an unhealthy sense of superiority and craved the idea of making a female my slave. I suspect that led to my feeling guilty enough and/or curious enough that I thought I should play the victim part.

So now, I just find it difficult to settle for one or the other. Both are extremely exciting and I get a lot of satisfaction out of either role. I realize that just doesn't seem to make sense to many and I don't know how to explain it any better. It's kind of like I want it all.

[denuseri]

It makes perfect sense to me davina. ;)

[Stylo_Tenkah]

Well from the near beginning of my life I 've always loved anime with the first one I can remember liking was 'Sailor Moon'. For some reason I always though I could do it better. Unfortunately, my body just wasn't made for physical activity (though that's changed since high school) so all those fantasies stayed inside my head. Later, when I was in junior high I came across my dad's porn stash and one of the first pictures I saw was of a woman in a corset, and that just stuck with me through most of my life. I've also held a weird love of women in skin tight clothes and of masks (despite my first incident resulted in me tipping over the living room coffee table!)
It's only recently that I've actually been able to pin a name to what it is I love, BDSM, and ever since nothing has been able to hold my attention. Except women whose breast suddenly grow to ginormous sizes.