childhood signs of submissive tendencies

[thewhorenextdoor]

it makes me laugh/feel a little weird sometimes when i look back on my early childhood and remember obviously submissive tendencies...:

-around age 6 my childhood "bffl" and i would play houses, and i always insisted on taking the role of, say, the maid, or the dog- anything that involved inferiority or me crawling on my knees ;)
-the same friend and i played a cinderella-themed sort of game where i was, of course, the tragically abused youngest sister... i loved to let my friend sit on me and use me as a footrest, table, etc. she thought it was so funny and loved doing it
-in our egyptian slave game, clearly i was the brutalized slave made to crawl around and get whipped
-as i got a little older, i fell in love with law & order: svu and would toss and turn in bed at night thinking about the rape episodes...
all i can think of right now...

tell me about what a freaky little kid you were :) hehe

[zeta_slave]

When I was younger, my friend and I would play school. Part of school was getting punished. I LOVED getting spanked and to this day I still do! I kind of never thought about it but it is funny thinking about it now!!

[mkp]

Man, I didn't even realize until a few weeks ago (despite knowing about my predilections for years) that I used to have pretty elaborately bdsm fantasies as a kid. Like, when I was twelve or so, I'd imagine being 'caught' somehow by the boys in our class along with the other girls in our class and tied up and tortured sexually with machines and everything, although I was pretty vague on the details. I also used to 'punish' myself with rubbing my crotch hard enough it hurt and stuff like that. And I'd scratch myself sometimes just to feel the sting and see the marks. And later, one of my standby fantasies was being held down and forced to enjoy sex.

...okay, maybe that's still one of my fantasies. :P

*blushes and scurries away*

*comes back*

um. so I still like scratching myself to feel the sting and see the marks. But it worries me since I've also had issues with self-injury in the past (like cutting, but without the cutting part). I mean, it feels different *to me* when I do it for enjoyment versus when I feel guilty or not real, but since the result is the same, I'm kind of concerned about it? Any thoughts?

[thewhorenextdoor]

i used to cut myself also in a super masochistic/suicidal way - it's a sign of progress to me that when i see my scars now i find them repulsive. i'm not some model for mental health but i would say you should be "concerned" if you're just putting a different name on the same old habit... plus it is, objectively, a bad habit, know what i mean?

[pinkdusk]

I used to tease and push the limits on a guy friend... until he would pin me to the ground and often put me in a an arm lock or something else. But he always overpowered me, and I remember his voice whispering in my ear demanding me to beg for release or to apologize. When I look deeper into it he wasn;t the first, but he was the best and now as an adult I wonder if ever bcame the sadist top he was meant to be lol...if only to meet him again :)

[Master_Nova]

Not sure how old I was then, but I remember playing the Doctor (of course I was the Doctor). I am happy to say I have been the "DOCTOR' ever since

[vanderkatze]

During one of my years in preschool, my best friend and I were playing doctor. I, of course, was the bratty patient who was about to receive a "shot" - a poke from a sharpened No. 2 pencil. Somehow one of us dropped the pencil in between the floor slats of the playhouse we were in and couldn't get it back out. I still remember how crushed I felt when it hit me that the final part of the fantasy, the part I *needed*, wouldn't be played out. It's more than a bit similar to finding out that, just like so many of the others, the current boyfriend who said in the beginning he enjoyed "less gentle, more rough, adventurous sex" really only meant a bit of hair-pulling and has neither the desire for nor interest in dominance and power exchange.

[Master_Nova]

During one of my years in preschool, my best friend and I were playing doctor. I, of course, was the bratty patient who was about to receive a "shot" - a poke from a sharpened No. 2 pencil. Somehow one of us dropped the pencil in between the floor slats of the playhouse we were in and couldn't get it back out. I still remember how crushed I felt when it hit me that the final part of the fantasy, the part I *needed*, wouldn't be played out. It's more than a bit similar to finding out that, just like so many of the others, the current boyfriend who said in the beginning he enjoyed "less gentle, more rough, adventurous sex" really only meant a bit of hair-pulling and has neither the desire for nor interest in dominance and power exchange.

Would you like to Explore now vanderkatze?

[steelish]

The earliest 'submissive' memory I have is from the age of five. I had fantasies about being captured and tied up by the boys in my class, two in particular. David and Jeff. I remember thinking they were cute, and my thoughts centered around 'belonging to them', much like a pet would belong to them although I didn't have fantasies about being a pet. I just wanted them to capture me as their victim. As I grew older, my fantasies morphed into sexual ones.

[vanderkatze]

Of the submissives on the thread, I wonder how many have had issues with self injury, and what the underlying motivation(s) for it are. So far, two plus myself makes three. I'm definitely masochistic, but the SI was more to relieve the unbearable guilt I felt about pretty much everything. Along with doing it to relieve emotional stress when I didn't have another outlet, it was my way of punishing myself. Several years after I started, I met my first top-ish individual: the D to my s and the S to my m. He helped me to mostly stop. He identified the marks and didn't buy my initial stories about roller blading accidents or kitchen fiascos or falling into barbed wire fences or my saying, "It's a funny story, really - I honest-to-god walked into a door..." He saw it for what it was, and then he took over punishing me so that I didn't have to anymore. I still think about it, and I've had some slip-ups over the years since then, but I mostly stopped. For once, others' opinions did cause me to change my behavior: I didn't want people to see me as the "crazy girl who cuts herself."

[Leah1989]

When I was younger I would play with my best friend, who was a boy, on the playground. We would always play house and I of course was always the daughter and always got in trouble....... as I got a little older I still liked to play the submissive role. I didnt find out til recently what it was called and I'm still trying to understand it better. I'm new on here and I feel a little strange for making a profile on here..... I need someone to talk to about it so I can understand it better and hopefully find out im not just really weird lol :)

[IAN 2411]

When I was younger I would play with my best friend, who was a boy, on the playground. We would always play house and I of course was always the daughter and always got in trouble....... as I got a little older I still liked to play the submissive role. I didnt find out til recently what it was called and I'm still trying to understand it better. I'm new on here and I feel a little strange for making a profile on here..... I need someone to talk to about it so I can understand it better and hopefully find out im not just really weird lol :)
Well Leah you are on the correct site and we are all rather strange, or maybe we are normal and vanilla is strange. You are already talking to someone about it, you are talking to 56.000 plus members, and we are all listening. We are all weird even the vanilla ones are weird, the only thing that stops us saying we are weird is our vanity, but then again I am weird. We are ourselves and individual, we in the community do not bend to the moral laws of the multitude.

Be well Ian 2411

[scarlet_85]

I suppose my childhood signs of being submissive involved "rough housing". I would always pick fights with all the boys. I would always instigated the initial wrestling but when the boys would fight back, I would instantly give in to them sitting on me and pinning my arms down or pulling my arms behind my back. I enjoyed the power struggle of it all and as my teen years approached, I would get more and more aroused by the thought of being restrained. I would even fight back more than normal in hopes of receiving a bruise or a cut to remind me of that moment where someone had complete control over me.

And now... I **love** rope. During a scene I feel like I have to be tied up in some way. Whether it be a simple wrist tie or something more extreme like all my limbs being bound and attached to one of the three rings on my collar. I feel that it makes me so vulnerable and submissive. For scarlet is His slave to do with as He pleases. :)

[His_sweet_song]

I cant say my childhood signs of submissiveness where in any way sexually orientated. The one that I recall the most is imagining I was a servant while going about cleaning the kitchen at probably about the age of 14. The cleaning was something that had to be done and it fell to me to do it.

[kb4night]

Haha, mine were all about spanking. I witnessed a friend getting spanked when I was around 3 (we got caught playing doctor, his mom was an abusive bitch) and later when I was around 12 and never was able to let it go. I would ask my friends about their experiences, and played "school" while hoping I would be the one taken over the knee, and got caught looking up spanking porn. I would also imagine a computer game revolving around me getting spanked in a bunch of different scenarios.

The whole self injury thing is really fascinating to me. Im majoring in psychology to learn more about it, but I also have self destructive tendencies. In 6th grade, I got caught rubbing scissors against the back of my hand, not enough to cut but enough to hurt, and freaked out about being caught. I still have issues with self destruction, cutting and addiction to hydrocodone among other things. Long since given up on being 'saved' but I just keep from getting too deep into it to the point where others notice.

[leanne1]

My early ist is from when I was about 4. I remember seeing a movie where this guy was tied up on a wheel that spun and he was whipped. I remember getting wet, and rubbing myself. I got caught several times masturbating by my parents (one of my nightmares now, lol). But then I would have fantasies that I was tied to my bed, and taken advantage of. It was awful though, I couldn't ever play with myself and get off when my arms we're "tied" above my head (just held there, lol).

[lexora]

I liked to get tied liked Robin in the old Adam West batman show because of his outfit and getting tied, I also liked the ideas of getting beaten to and dressing with almost nothing. Also thought about rape a few times on me... yea.. I was strange $$

[Astrid007]

This is an old post, but interesting! I would always as a young age play games that involved people being captured somehow (pirates, cops and robbers, cowboys and indians etc) I would always want to play the role of the girl that was kidnapped. I would pretend that I was tied down.

[onemoresecret]

I'm also entering the fray a little late but like you guys, I think there must have been signs that I only now realise for what they are.

Like Scarlet85 said, I remember getting into alot of playful wrestling with the boys...I loved the struggle and my defeat at the end, where I was pinned down by the bigger guys. I also remember repeatedly asking my dad to play a game of my own invention with me....It was called Jail. He would lock his fingers round my very small wrists, so that I would have to struggle and fight to break free. Never could of course but I thought this was great! Bit strange cause it was my dad, but it wasn't sexual for me at the time!

I am now beginning to feel extra weird and will stop talking. :o

[wantbeyourslave]

i just love this thread here. childhood...when i was about 6 or 7 i always imagined being chased by someone then held down and then hurt. well, i did
get sexually assaulted around 8 for real, and that wasn't fun at all. i started to associate sex with pain at a younger age, and kept that as a secret. it's
not like i wanted to get raped. i feared that a lot.

[gabriel niewolnikiem]

Ahh, time for a trip down memory lane.
When i was younger my favorite game between friends would be slave and queen. i used to irritate my friend my never letting her be the slave, always insisting that i wanted to be it time and time again. At neighbors houses i would be caught trying to clean their house rather than playing with their children. The fantasies i used to have, of being caged and used by a strong powerful man....

[ksst]

I remember reading Roots as a young teenager, getting turned on and feeling extremely guilty about being turned on. Ok, I still feel guilty about that.

[ksst]

And there was another book I read that was actually in my 5th grade class library which was all about a roman slave boy, although it had no sex in it, it was um interesting to me.

[ropekitty]

I was told when I was a baby, I didnt cry much, if ever. . . I was withdrawn and seemed to be in my own world. I think me being "different" started there. Growing up till about the age of 8 i have no real solid memories of events and happenings that stand out clear in my mind. But I do know that during that time and before my mother had abused my sister, and the chances were I most likely saw that abuse as a child. when I can start forming memories from "way back then" I remember I always needed to keep my mother happy, because if she was unhappy I didn't know what she might end up doing to me. It was better to just suck it up and do what it took to keep her happy, being seen and not heard being a main one.

From there I recall going online to figure out more about what my one high school friend was telling me about being a submissive. Ummm... it felt right what she was saying and made me feel like I belonged somewhere. and it just snow balled from there. I'm still debating in my own mind nature vs nurture. . . and trying to remember my early childhood more just to figure it out better.

[Dog's Lady]

I feel almost strange, now. My father died when I was four, and my mom did not believe in spanking, so I don't remember ever being spanked as a child. I know that part of my submissiveness is looking for a father figure-not a Dad, but a male with authority. I love to be spanked now; I wonder if I would if my mom had spanked me.
I've noticed a lot of, well, if we were in person I would call them nervous or guilty giggles in people's posts. Isn't this a place where we don't have to feel guilty or ashamed? One of my other interests is medieval recreation (wait, it will tie in) and at many of our events we host a Newcomer's Class. One person who teaches it very well says that we are a 12-step program for weirdos (we play dress up and meet at campgrounds to have sleep-overs, if you want to put it that way.) The thing is, we got as far as admitting we were weird, the first step, and quit there. Isn't this, this site, this orientation, sort of the same thing? We admit to ourselves and (some) others that we are "weird," then we just go with it. I don't tell everyone I am a sub, 'cause LOTS of people can't/won't/don't understand, but here I can be proud of it.
I know that was kind of long-winded, but I hope it helps.

[sweetly_wicked]

I remember that, as a child, I would lie in bed with my legs and arms slightly apart from my body, and I would pretend that I was tied by every limb and was about to be put on the rack, and I would tense my muscles, pretending to strain against my bonds as I pulled my limbs further and further away from my torso. I also imagined the 'bad-guy' watching me struggle and laughing evilly as he told me his evil plans...ah memories...
It's not exactly submissive, but I also remember playing with my dolls and barbies and polly pockets a big differently than the other girls in my class. I would have a bad guy or bad girl take my favorite doll and tie her to a chair. She would then kiss or do that weird barbie hump thing that passed for barbie sex before killing off the good guy to continue on to world domination. Mwahahaha.
Pain came into play when I was 15 or 16. I had developed a mild form of pica, where I had a craving for blood, so I would give myself little nicks then lick up the blood. To this day you can see faint scars on my upper forearm, but I've since stopped after I realized what it would look like to everybody around me should they discover the scars...
Well there we go. I'm actually glad I got all that out. Yay, I'm not too abnormal!

[SweetestHonesty]

Mmm... yes, always enjoyed wrestling as a child and play fighting too. I was always a little bit more of a challenge though, starting at 7 I began taking martial arts and excelled quickly , I was the only female in the class. I like to play just a bit harder (but please no blood) though sometimes and I think it all comes from this, people don't know how to handle me because of my small frame... lol even the Damn massage people will argue with me about wanting deep tissue, seriously people!
Lol, I also remember playing with rope when I was a little girl, we would see could tile best and then you would have to try to get out of it. I was always disappointed when I was able to get out, never had to use the rescue scissors :-(

[Liz18]

This is a really cool post! I was just thinking about this the other day. I feel like it was obvious if I look back, but of course I never knew what it was. I never wrestled around with boys, but I would pick fights with friends that are naturally stronger and bigger than me. In middle school, my best friend and I used to 'wrestle' which usually just involved me instigating something and her pinning me to the floor and sitting on me and pulling my hair. I couldn't understand why I kept starting it, but I felt like I need it. Even at that age, I acquainted it like junkie with a drug... I always wanted to be bullied in school because I thought that it would be 'fun'. My parents knew that I was gay before I did so I wonder if they knew the signs for this to because it got to the point where we watched some show on tv and it showed a woman tied to a chair in the dark being interrogated under a harsh light. After that I went and told my parents I thought something was wrong with me because it 'made me feel funny'. Now I realize that what I was feeling was arousal... and I still fantasize about things like that... >.< It's cool that I wasn't the only one! :)

[Misschief]

I figured out how to masturbate at 8 years old; diagram of how flowers reproduced on the chalkboard in class.. I thought the flower diagram looked a lot like something I had down there.. So when I went to bed that night, my masturbation material was extremely D/s-centric.. I was too shy to picture myself, I pictured the same blonde woman tied down to a horizontal st. andrew's cross, with the same grey-haired man doing all sorts of horrible things to her.. like messing her hair, make-up.. all the way up to golden showers..

Nothing happened to me that would give me these ideas previously.. I am very interested to know how and why the first masturbation material I had was power-exchange related..

[Femme.100percent]

Well when I turned 8yrs old I learned 3 things. 1) how to masturbate 2) a strong desire to please the gurl I crushed on and the teacher I feared the most 3) I didnt like wearing clothes at home.

Strong desire to please(i'll start here first) my first crush was a girl name Michele. She had a twin sister and they were opposite. Michele was a tomboy. Her dad allowed her to be the son he never had and would buy her boy toys for christmas. She loved football and basketball. She would make me play sports with her although I wasnt good at it, I did it to please her. Whatever she wanted me to do. I would obey. We'd play doctor and of course I was the patient. She used to make me lie down while I would get my check up and thats when she would tie me up binding me with clothesline robe and touch me. I used to love secretly playing with her and would dream about our play time. One day my mother heard me moaning her name in my sleep. needless to say my mom started to be concerned about me spending so much time with Michele.
These dreams led to me masturbating in my 3rd grade class. I would rub my pelvis against the stationary desk thinking about being alone with Michele. I didnt know was masturbating at the time. It felt good and I started timing myself trying to beat the clock when our teacher would time us in math. The teacher was very mean and she would verbally abuse the students, and even punish them for misbahavior and I felt excited about her possibly catching me rubbing my pelvis while thinking about Michele touching me. I didnt want Ms hudson to be angry with me for not finishing my math problems in time so that excited me and terrified me at the same time. I wanted to please Ms hudson and would crave for her to give me praises for doing an outstanding job on how fast I would complete the math assignment. She didnt know I was working fast so I could masturbate before time was up thinking about Michele. Then I learned to race to an orgasm before test time was up for any subject. Yes I was bad girl, quiet, obedient, but always horny.
I used to take off my clothes as soon as I came home from school and walked around in my panties. Evey christmas picture I had a home was of me smiling with panties on while everyone else was fully dressed. Clothes had me feeling hot and restricted. My mom didnt mind and I never gave it much thought until my older sister pointed it out looking thru the photo album.
There are other crazy things I used to do and maybe I would share more, but I think I started having sub tendencies when I was 8yrs old. It began slow and soon escalated to much more

[Femme.100percent]

Well when I turned 8yrs old I learned 3 things. 1) how to masturbate 2) a strong desire to please the gurl I crushed on and the teacher I feared the most 3) I didnt like wearing clothes at home.

Strong desire to please(i'll start here first) my first crush was a girl name Michele. She had a twin sister and they were opposite. Michele was a tomboy. Her dad allowed her to be the son he never had and would buy her boy toys for christmas. She loved football and basketball. She would make me play sports with her although I wasnt good at it, I did it to please her. Whatever she wanted me to do. I would obey. We'd play doctor and of course I was the patient. She used to make me lie down while I would get my check up and thats when she would tie me up binding me with clothesline robe and touch me. I used to love secretly playing with her and would dream about our play time. One day my mother heard me moaning her name in my sleep. needless to say my mom started to be concerned about me spending so much time with Michele.
These dreams led to me masturbating in my 3rd grade class. I would rub my pelvis against the stationary desk thinking about being alone with Michele. I didnt know was masturbating at the time. It felt good and I started timing myself trying to beat the clock when our teacher would time us in math. The teacher was very mean and she would verbally abuse the students, and even punish them for misbahavior and I felt excited about her possibly catching me rubbing my pelvis while thinking about Michele touching me. I didnt want Ms hudson to be angry with me for not finishing my math problems in time so that excited me and terrified me at the same time. I wanted to please Ms hudson and would crave for her to give me praises for doing an outstanding job on how fast I would complete the math assignment. She didnt know I was working fast so I could masturbate before time was up thinking about Michele. Then I learned to race to an orgasm before test time was up for any subject. Yes I was bad girl, quiet, obedient, but always horny.
I used to take off my clothes as soon as I came home from school and walked around in my panties. Evey christmas picture I had a home was of me smiling with panties on while everyone else was fully dressed. Clothes had me feeling hot and restricted. My mom didnt mind and I never gave it much thought until my older sister pointed it out looking thru the photo album.
There are other crazy things I used to do and maybe I would share more, but I think I started having sub tendencies when I was 8yrs old. It began slow and soon escalated to much more

[Gingerfox]

I'm a recovering cutter (pretty recent habit to quit actually)--the actual cutting never was what turned me on. I'm not a physical masochist. But I loved having the marks saying things (mean things, mind you).

Also, when my little sister and I would play games when we were younger, things like exploring and such, it somehow always ended with me getting kidnapped and tied up and gagged x3

[lilpenguin]

Childhood memories... I was always the captured princess, the kidnapped whatever we were playing, tied up maiden of somesort, and usually tied up too for the others to try to rescue from whoever was the 'bad' guy. I always loved being tied up and dragged around by the leash that we would sometimes use as kids (stolen from the dogs) to be held helpless by, following my captor as he/she tried to keep me away from the others. There are countless other things, but that is one that really sticks out in my head... starting really like age 5 or 6ish.

[delicious]

This is an interesting post!
I definitely had these tendencies as a child, I was just thinking about that the other day.
I would play house, school, and doctor with my friends. School was my favorite because I could act out and convince my friends to spank me, or tie me to something in "time out" as punishment. house and doctor usually involved me misbehaving and requiring some sort of punishment too ;) I used to tell them to tie me to a bad during "doctor" exams so that I wouldn't escape. Haha.

[mylittletahoe]

The only think i can think of in my childhood that may have showed that i have a sub side was i was allways the tomboy starting fights that i allways lost to allowing them to pin me down i enjoyed that. also around the age of 8 i was cought playing with myself nd was told by my mom and grandma that it was wrong, but before i gotcought i remeber liking the way it felt and tasted.but after i wastold it was wrong andyoung ladys don't do stuff like that i stopped and didn't start up again until 3 years ago and now i still feel guilty for useing a toy witch cause me to not have a release.
Then in the past few years i have felt like there is something missing in my life, when i have had sex over the years i like it rough but no one has been able to Satisfy my needs or give me a release. Now at 35 i have finally figuered out that i need more.. So being newto all this any and all help would be great

[brace [EDQ]]

Some of my earliest memories are playing games similar to cops & robbers. I really liked to lose and get tied up, even around age 7. I was likewise fascinated by casts and braces before puberty. My enjoyment of bondage and the restriction of casts & braces only became sexual one the puberty hormones kicked in.

[leo9]

Feud would love all this childhood sexuality... and yes, my fantasies started way back, and were mostly sub. I remember when I was 8 or so and read Kipling's "How the First Letter Was Written," there's a long comic description of a man being beaten up by a gang of women, and I read it over and over again just wallowing in that special thrill. I have to wonder about Kipling: later (age 12 or so) I found one of his school stories ("The Moral Reformers," if you're interested) which is entirely about his heroes tying up a couple of bullies and torturing them till they promise to be good, and my copy of the book fell open at those pages.

I had a whole lot of adventure stories I made up that were the usual knights and pirates and stuff, but the ones where I or someone with me was tied up and tortured were something I knew somehow was special and private. But in games my sisters and I played with our bears and dolls, the story quite often involved the dolls getting tied up for some perfectly logical reason :-)

There was a comic strip about a slave in ancient Egypt that hit me like a religious revelation, the whole idea of being a slave - or owning one, by then I was enjoying both sides of the fantasy - was suddenly intensely exciting. And it didn't have to involve any kind of sex, or even a lot of pain, just the idea of being under that kind of total control. One hot summer day when I was alone in the house I went to a room where my Dad had left a stack of bricks for some rebuilding, and I undressed and spent a long time carrying the bricks across the room and back imagining that I was a naked slave being forced to work like this. I didn't masturbate over it, though I'd already learnt to; it was a more mental thrill than that.

It wasn't until I started doing it for real, first with my sisters and then with friends, that I discovered I enjoyed doing it more than having it done to me.

[Dieppoise]

My favourite childhood games were always about pirates. I can remember acting them out alone in my backyard. I would be captured. I would hold on to the chain link fence facing with my face towards the fence, and I would pretend I was tied to a mast. As I got older, I would always imagine being stripped naked at this point in front of a crew of horny pirates. I would then be whipped and used for the crew's pleasure...

[bound_for_you]

Leah I'm in the same boat, but I actually found a Master on here that is helping me realize that my desires are not a scandalous thing to keep in the darkest corner of my closet.

[sexisubi]

First of, what a great topic choice, its great to see other people who did the same thing during their childhood! :D

We used to play cops and robbers if you got caught you'd have to be tied up on a tree by the robbers!, and I liked being the cop haha.

I used to play a game called slave where I would do whatever my friends wanted.

I would pretend like one of my stuffed animals or other random items that i created to toys were holding me captive or hypnotizing me

When I played any game I liked to be the one captured.

Truth or Dare: I liked dare because I wanted to do the "task"

thewhorenextdoor thanks for the post, it was fun to share :)

[ksst]

There was a comic strip about a slave in ancient Egypt that hit me like a religious revelation, the whole idea of being a slave - or owning one, by then I was enjoying both sides of the fantasy - was suddenly intensely exciting. And it didn't have to involve any kind of sex, or even a lot of pain, just the idea of being under that kind of total control


This is the exactly the sort of thing I used to do, except I was always the slave, never a Mistress. Riding crops were usually involved in the fantasy. It wasn't a comic strip but I had a couple of books. It evolved into a sexual fantasy as I grew up.

[Angel1987]

I remember as a young kid, a friend and I use, to tie ourselves up, pretending someone had captured us. It was a consistant thing, although the scenarios differed, I enjoyed being the victim. I never really put much thought into it, until the past year, as I started discovering bdsm and that I wasn't just a strange child lol.

[hellman]

this is a cool thread will as for when i was 4 up to 7 my bro test all his knots in me as he was doing rock cilming and lock me the cubbed as i would piss him off but just love it any ways and to this day can not find any one that can tie me up for more then 20 mins and picking fights and get held down but as i got older i alway become what people wonted so i made them happy but got me to some shit as when i was with more people i would just hide as did not know how at act as they all know be diffotly but the one thing they all know was that i will alway do any thing to make them happy so i got used alot and not in a good way but all the lady i have been with always the one that told me what do but i love that there sill more but that will wait till next time


thank for giving some where to say this :D

[panthera]

Hm, it's interesting to think about. I do recall playing school with my friends, but I was always the teacher and no one ever got in trouble.

Outward, I was a people pleaser, I loved (and still do) to make people happy. Be it a simple gesture like making their favorite meal, to something personal like finding or making the perfect gift, it makes my heart soar to make someone special to me happy. I also realize now that I don't think I've ever told someone I think of as an authority figure "No", except for one time, and that moment stands out in my memory, and even though I was in the right I feel guilty over it.

Where it was really interesting was in my fantasies and dreams. I was pretty young (maybe around 10) when I started having dreams that I can remember with submissive tendencies. Like being kidnapped, and tied up. I was constantly being tied up in my dreams. Later in my teens, I recall having a dream where I was tied into a strange machine that would whip me, spank me, rub ice on me, and more. I had that dream many times, and it was always a little different. I didn't know what it all meant at the time, or for many years later.

[Masters_Little_Pet]

i always loved it when i was young that i could crawl on my hands and knees and act like a dog

i saw a story on the news about a girl getting raped and i started fantasizing about being raped ever since and i would start pinching my nipples and loved that it hurt

and when i saw law and order svu i was fantasizing even more and i started cutting myself and loved the sting of it but an adult caught me once and put me in a mental hospital

i always love when im walking around my place that i find something and i use it to punish myself for getting caught

[leo9]

Of the submissives on the thread, I wonder how many have had issues with self injury, and what the underlying motivation(s) for it are. So far, two plus myself makes three. I'm definitely masochistic, but the SI was more to relieve the unbearable guilt I felt about pretty much everything. Along with doing it to relieve emotional stress when I didn't have another outlet, it was my way of punishing myself. Several years after I started, I met my first top-ish individual: the D to my s and the S to my m. He helped me to mostly stop. He identified the marks and didn't buy my initial stories about roller blading accidents or kitchen fiascos or falling into barbed wire fences or my saying, "It's a funny story, really - I honest-to-god walked into a door..." He saw it for what it was, and then he took over punishing me so that I didn't have to anymore.One of the best arguments for D/s I've ever seen. My late wife had done some self-harm when she was younger (not cutting, but eating things she hoped were poisonous,) and had attempted suicide, and well as punishing her I was able to share fantasies about my killing her, promising her that if the time came when she definitely wanted to be killed I would make sure she died in screaming agony, which helped her let the suicidal feelings go.

[Ceight]

There was a passage in Sweet Valley High, where Jessica, the naughty, sexy twin, "borrows" her days sports car and goes to a divvy bar and gets felt up by a scary guy. I, who was definitely more like the people-pleasing, boring, good twin, Elizabeth, read that passage over and over, imagining every smell and every sensation of that frightening moment, wishing I had the guts to go to some terrible place that that, but knowing I was too "good" to get into that situation.

[Ceight]

Wow. That's really eerie and nice to hear at the same time. Thanks for sharing.

[DarkGhost]

Only memory i can recall that shows signs of what submission is, in this case my childhood

I use to love being either semi-lock or lock completely "escape with a difficult path ahead", was in warm places that was difficult to access. It didn't have much risk but it was hot and always got me day dreaming of what could be in there if i wasn't alone and there was someone that could either hold me down.

[karissma]

Wow, I never really made the connection but that is totally how I was when I was younger. I remember that the neighborhood I grew up in when I was younger I was the only female. So I always had to play the mom, or I was always the prisoner. Also the boys would be a little rougher on me, and I liked it, it gave me a rush. Even when I moved from that neighborhood and hung with girls when we played house I always listened to what they wanted to do and when we played house I was always the mom or the bad daughter. Also when us girls would play cops or robbers I was always the bad person who got locked up.

[WantonOne]

I was also very young (and reassured I am not the only one) when I first pictured myself naked in the corner of the classroom, being slapped across the face by a female teacher I had a crush on. It was the start of many BDSM fantasies. I have self harmed in the past, but embracing my submission in later years has released me from that need.

[jinx]

See, I was completely the opposite. When I was a kid, I was as far from submissive as you can get. I was a total tomboy, and fought like a wild thing against anyone who tried to tell me what to do. I hated being controlled and was always looking for a reason to start a fight. Even in my teen years, when I matured a bit and found my sexuality, I never thought of myself as the least bit submissive to anyone. I was always very proud of being independent and never backing down from anyone.

There was a certain ... event ... with a woman I was sort of casually seeing in college that really opened my eyes. Not that I'd been lying to myself all those years or anything, but that there was a part of me I'd never known was there. Ever since then I've been slowly learning to integrate that part of myself with the rest of who I am.

Just goes to show, you can't always judge a book by its cover.