i need help to become a good dom

[masterjer8]

I'm new to this but very eager to learn. Please help

[VaAugusta]

Well, what seems to be the problem?

[masterjer8]

I'm new to this. Would like some suggestions for reading, videos or whatever it takes.

[masterjer8]

Also my wife has a very dominant personality

[masterjer8]

She wants to be submisive. I want to help her.

[thir]

She wants to be submisive. I want to help her.
Also my wife has a very dominant personality


It is not entirely clear to me what your own interest in this is. Is it helping her, or is it wanting to become a dominant also for your own sake? These are two different situations, probably with different answers.

[masterjer8]

I want do both but I want to do it right not halfass

[thir]

Does 'not halfass' mean that you are amining for a 24/7 D's relationship?

To do it right means finding out what is right for you two. Maybe the first question is how much power does your wife want to give away, and how much do you want to take? Make sure that you are on the same page before you go in with the heavy guns.

Is it all the time, or in the bedroom, or when you are in the mood for this?

Maybe the next one is to find out how to express your power relation. Should it be something with rules and regulations, such as her kneeling when you enter the room, not talking without permission, not sitting in the furniture and so on?

Or is it more physical, does she need to be physically owerpowered? Or first, anyway?

I'd say talk first - a lot.

[masterjer8]

Were not looking for 24/7. We've been married for 16 years. We are seperated right now. Partly because she's not happy in the bedroom. I have a small cock and it doesnt work right. We have toys that help but she's been reading romance novels and wants to be dominated. I spank her and other things involving pain and she loves it. When I say halfassed I mean I want to learn to dominate her the way she needs to be dominated not how everyone else wants me to. She means the world to me and I don't want to lose her so I'm trying to learn what I can here. I just don't know what questions to ask or who to ask them to.

[Kuskovian]

Thir has hit the nail on the head.

Talk to your woman.

After all it is she you will be holding dominion over.

[masterjer8]

We've been talking. I just don't know how to do it. I don't want to hurt her or change her mind about it because I'm inexperinced. I'm trying to get the book the loving dom but were having money problems so I can't get it for another month or so.

[Kuskovian]

How to do what specifically?

The only way you are going to over come your insecurity is by maning up and doing it.

Make a plan and execute it.

Keep it simple.

[SwitchinSJ]

As a submissive leaning switch who has recently started learning how to really dom, I can feel for you.

Don't be afraid to hurt her. You are clearly not a sadist, else that part wouldn't be an issue. The human body is amazingly resilient. As long as you avoid joints, organs, and the face, the odds of doing damage are low. Simply aim for the breasts, ass, and thighs. Start out light, and work up. Practice using your floggers and any other strikers on a pillow so you can be sure of where your hitting every time.

Learn to take control. It is hard, especially if you are not strictly dominant. Depending on how far you are taking it, there are several options. The key is to remind her who is in control. Next time she is feeling amourous, send her to the bedroom with orders to strip, kneel blindfolded, and await your arrival. Wait 5-15 minutes, then go in. If she bitches about waiting, or isn't in the position, punish her. Be clear about why you are punishing her, and make her repeat a saying every stroke of the punishment.

It is hard to do. Being a top is quite different then being a bottom. Don't forget a safe word. Also, if your dick is really too small, use that to your advantage. Tease her about it, how she's never gonna feel a bigger one.

[masterjer8]

I'm working on it. I need some ideas for some variety so we don't end up doing the same things over and over. So far I've left her pussy quivering afterwords so I have the right idea.