I'm a little confused.....

[Leah1989]

I am new on here and still finding my way around......
I have always been submissive since I was very young and I just recently have found out what it is. I'm trying to understand it better and I have always felt that I'm just really strange. When I was younger I loved to play house and I was always the daughter who got in trouble for something and ended up getting spanked..... as I got older I still liked to play this role an I am not sure why.....
I like to be the submissive one being dominated and even restrained but I'm not into the whole being gagged or my nipples pinched or getting whipped anywhere other than my butt...... is this, what I'm describing even really BDSM?

[ppr128]

Yes.

There is no One True Way for BDSM. There are as many ways to do it as there are people.

As long as it works for you and your partner, that is all that matters.

[denuseri]

Yes its bdsm.

Nothing says you have to do everything and go hog wild for it to be bdsm.

[Leah1989]

Thanks, you guys..... I am really very new to all of this

[ppr128]

We all were, once :)

[scarlet_85]

As said above, there are many, many forms of BDSM. The fun part about this lifestyle, for me at least, is to be able to constantly try new things. And it seems that there aren't any limits between my Master and I. If a form of play gets brought up, there is never disregard towards it. We discuss it, try it, and then discuss it again.

I had said in a thread once that I had, at that time, never had an intense and hard play session. I was reassured that BDSM can take many forms and you don't have to do every part of it to fully enjoy being submissive. I too preferred spanking above everything else. It is a major turn on for me and puts me at my Master's mercy. As time goes on, the play sessions get more and more intense and we try more and more forms of play. I now find myself trying things that I never thought I'd even consider :)

Either way, I hope you enjoy this world in whatever form you choose to make it.

:)

[Snark]

BDSM is first mental, then physical. It does not require any specific chastising regime. The body will accept what the mind desires. Stimulation that may seem unpleasant in the cold hard light of the morning may produce ecstasy in the subdued light of the evening...after the appropriate introduction. What you experience now will develop changed reactions later. It is a journey...not necessarily a destination. The path is varied and crooked; kinked as it were. Enjoy the trip; find a compatible partner, if you can. It will make the travels much more interesting.

[Leah1989]

Ppr128: Thank you, ill keep that in mind

Scarelet 85: Thank you, that helps and you really like stuff now that you wouldn't even consider before....?

Snark: Thank you, ive never thought of it that way before. Hopefully I'll find one thats compatible for me :)

[scarlet_85]

Ppr128:
Scarelet 85: Thank you, that helps and you really like stuff now that you wouldn't even consider before....?


My first play session was very light. My Master used nylon wrist restraints on me that had clips on them. I was blindfolded, bent over the foot of the bed, and restrained to a piece of rope on the head board by the clips on the wrist restraints. I was spanked approximately 100 times with a very wide metal spatula. My Master did not ask much of me during that session and after the spankings, he removed all restraints and made love to me. I would say the whole session lasted about an hour and a half. He still brings up how hard my heart was beating when he reached around from behind me from my neck. In all reality, I had never experienced anything like that. Sure, I've been spanked and tied up before that, but as Snark said above, the mental aspect of being submissive changes everything.

I did a lot of research on BDSM. From this site to Google and finding books on the lifestyle. Once I started seeing all the different forms of play, I talked to my Master about the ones that intrigued me and wanted to experience with him.

We no longer use the nylon wrist restraints. I like the feeling of straight rope on my skin. I've been tied to the head board in ways that I thought were impossible! There has always been a ton of communication between my Master and I. Nothing is really taboo and its a liberating feeling to explore my sexual side with him with no judgement, restrictions, or expectations. Now, some of my favorite things to do and have done to me are: breath play, suspension, knife play, and blood play. The last of those, blood play, was something I had never even considered. I had no interest in it and felt it was too extreme. As with any relationship, there has to be trust and compromise. I tried blood play to satisfy my Master's vampire interests. He's a biter :P By trying it, I was able to have a clearer opinion on it. And honestly, I've never felt closer to someone in my entire life. It was erotic but completely personal. It made a huge statement in my eyes.

Being as I'm collared now, this slave is his to do with as he pleases.

As you explore who you are as a submissive and who you are sexually, you will find that you like things that otherwise came off as not an interest. Again, as Snark said, this is a journey. And as you follow the path of being submissive, you will figure out exactly how you choose to live the BDSM lifestyle. If you decide it is something you're willing to explore that is.

Be safe, happy exploring, and don't forget the BDSM code...

SAFE, SANE, & CONSENSUAL!!!

[Leah1989]

How the heck is that light!? a hundred times? wow. ive only had vanilla bfs so if they spanked me it didnt really hurt at all or theyd just do it a cpl times lol they never could figure out y i was still bein bad haha, i didnt know y i liked it either..... that stuff u said got pretty extreme tho! 0.o

[scarlet_85]

Actually, 100 swats doesn't get too painful until you're up at the 75 mark. It's just tingly and warm. My ass was bruised afterwards and I was proud of the marks my Master had left behind. It was like having a constant reminder of him.

And yes the other stuff can seem very extreme, but its all part of the kink. Being in a D/s relationship involves huge amounts of trust. When looking for a Dom, go slow. Don't rush into anything and make sure there is a huge amount of communication. There are so many subs out there that have found themselves in extremely abusive BDSM situations. Over talking about playing is impossible. And when you find a good Dom, you two together will mold your BDSM lifestyle into what fits both of your needs.

I truly love my Master with all that I am. He is my friend, my love, and my protector. Even when he's inflicting pleasurable pain on me, I feel safe. Like he would never let anything bad happen to me.

[Leah1989]

Wow..... now that you put it that way i do understand a lot better..... i also understand what you mean when you say you still feel safe. i havent been in that kind of relationship but i still undertand what you're saying. i hope someday i find that kind of somebody to spend my life with. :)

[ppr128]

>When looking for a Dom, go slow. Don't rush into anything and make sure there is a huge amount of communication.

This. A thousand times, this.

While one can hope any partners you find will be decent human beings, you are putting a great deal of trust in them, and they have to respect that- not to mention respect you.

Unfortunately, there are always going to be parasites out there who think that BDSM is a free pass for anything and everything they want to do just because they call themselves a dominant. Anyone worth your time and effort will get to know you and take you and your feelings seriously, though.

So I guess there is a One True Way of BDSM after all, then :P

[Leah1989]

yeah i guess there is depending on how you look at it.
i understand what you mean by having to have trust too. Thank you for the warning too Sir im not always very careful who i start talking to and i need to be more watchful on some of the stuff i may say to them.

[Nicipac]

One of the greatest benefits of the internet in our world, is that now so many of us can be found. Another is the fact that we can also hide in plain sight. Sadly we can also lie to you and you could not be sure. So if you going to talk about what you feel and what you want, you are sfer doing it here than out in the real world. In here be honest with your self and those you talk to. If not you are doing yourself a great injustice, as well as who you are talking to. Do not rush too play or to judgement. Open your mind to your soul, search out your desire. Learn all you can then practice what you desire, then find someone to play with. Enjoy Play safe and Be well

[scarlet_85]

Sadly we can also lie to you and you could not be sure.

I think this is a huge reason as to why I question on-line D/s relationships. It makes me wonder how fulfilling it could really be. I think I would have a hard time trusting someone in this type of lifestyle solely based off of on-line communication. I can respect peoples choice to go about it that way but I truly font understand it.

[Leah1989]

thank you Sir, I understand that.
i agree with you too scarlet, you never really can know.....
i recently started dating someone and he isnt a Dom, but he is very wonderful and caring and loving. i also dont have to worry about him being online, he lives near me and i have been hanging out with him and his family- which are also very nice :) hopefully it works out

[Dog's Lady]

Leah, I have finally found someone to "play" with, someone who is experienced in the scene, non-judgemental, willing to teach me and lead me, and would love me if I were just vanilla. One of the better things, I think, is that he is a switch, so he knows how a bottom feels; one of the best is that he is willing to listen to me, to explain to me, to let me try things and stop without guilting me about ruining his good time. And yes, we started out fairly tame, with pretty light spankings on butt and upper thighs. We have progressed to harder beatings, on more of my body; some bondage; some rules, like no underwear unless it's for hygiene reasons (I don't do tampons, so I wear panties during my period, or when cleaning out the garage) or when dressing up for him. I am finding that I like more and more pain, more bondage sessions, more everything--and I still love the nights when we have plain old, sweet, gentle, vanilla sex.
As everyone else says, the key is communication. Talk, talk, talk, then talk some more. On the phone, via email or snail mail, while you're driving in the car, or as pillow talk, however. Just find a way to tell each other what you like and what you don't. And don't be afraid to try new things--you never know what you will like. Best of luck to you!