Beginnings

[Guignolesque]

So here I am.

My wife and I recently started our foray into BDSM. As I have been researching the lifestyle (and playstyle) of this world, I am suprised, titilated, and amazed at the depth of what people do and how people live.

Right now, I think that my wife and I have naturally fallen into the crowd of people where their BDSM is limited to the bedroom. I have no complaints about that. I asked my wife to marry me because she is strong willed, beautiful, intelligent, and creative. I don't think either of us are particularly interested in a lifestyle where we are in service to one another. As a dom, I'm pretty sure that while many of the uninitiated belive that the sub is in service to the master, the reality is quite the opposite. A dom is responsible and therefore beholden to the needs of the sub. And while the sub may frequently submit to the demands of the dom, it is a willing submission with the understanding that it is out of a desire to be dominated. I believe that it is the poor dom who abuses and exploits this, and it is the master who treads the line between forced submission and enslavement.

My issues at this point are many. My wife wants to be dominated. I want to give here what she wants. The trick is finding the balance.

Our play is mostly about her being constrained, and some light whipping and sensation play. Pain is not the order of the day.

I know that communication is key in this. From the most banal of frank conversations about sex and bondage, to the use of safe words and the ability to read body language, we are always working at this together.

My desires are simple, really. Good play, good sex, seeing her get off in the way that she wants, and feeling like we are forever searching for new ways to stretch out across our own mortality.

That's where I am today. Any advice or input is always appreciated.

Thanls for reading.

G.

[Snark]

This sounds like an excellent beginning of a fun life! Communication and mutual respect are paramount, doing what you enjoy and listening to each other will take you down the road to many new adventures. You will likely reach a point where one or the other wants to push the boundaries. Just remember hard limits are just that...and that they can change over time. Push carefully to explore them. That's where the fun is!

[Ozme52]

All of what you've said is reasonable and especially appropriate for those taking their first steps into the lifestyle.

But one of your comments struck a negative chord with me, and as someone new to this, you should be careful that you've not taken what your perceive, at the surface, as a deep down truth.


As a dom, I'm pretty sure that while many of the uninitiated belive that the sub is in service to the master, the reality is quite the opposite.

The unitiated only "know" what they see in fantasy, so regardless of what they think, their perceptions are irrelevent. You, having been exposed, see all the protocols surrounding consent and safety, and yes, it sometimes seems that we dominants are the ones in service. But taking this as a truth is limiting and perhaps even stunts the growth of your relationship with your partner as a dominant-submissive pair.

What I've learned is that a dominant who believes the submissive holds all the power, stops being a dominant. When that happens, the submissive becomes unhappy. They don't want to be in charge, they don't want to have control. How can they experience their submission if all you are doing is topping them, turning them into a bottom. There's an emotional connection between dom and sub that parallels the physical activities... Tops and bottoms do many of the same things and can also have emotional connections, but those connections don't reflect the D/s dynamic. This is hard (for me) to explain properly, and for others who are reading this, I by no means intend to belittle top-bottom relationships. They're just as important and just as vital, just different than D/s imo.

Suffice to say, if your wife wishes to be submissive, even if only in the bedroom, then it is incumbent on you to be dominant, in charge, and allow her to serve you. If it pleases you to give her an orgasm, do so, but because it pleases you... not because it pleases her. Otherwise, you will soon cease to be "dominant enough" for her.

[Silus]

One of the main things is to take it slow, dont rush anything.