Newbie

[10K]

Hello

Ummm....so..... I guess I'm new to this and am curious about learning a bit more about real fetish play.

I have done a little bit, but not much. Also, never in reals, only on chats and I emphasize only a little.

I think I am mostly ignorant of fetish lifestyle, but I have read some and I am interested in finding out if it's the thing for me.

I think I should be honest on one thing though, I've heard that people within the community dislike it when people come into the community having seen a bunch of porn. I guess I need to be forthcoming and open that most of my experience does come from porn. Please don't be too hard on me for that, please consider that I have heard that people here disapprove of porn and that I am taking the risk of being shunned by the community by being this honest.

As far as my thoughts on porn goes however, I think it's important to remember it is a fantastic representation and not to be considered reality. I mean it's no more real than say Pirates of the Carribean or Transformers or Spiderman. Porn exists to entertain in much the same way, although porn inspires a sexual sense of arousal instead of a sense of adventure.

Like I said I felt like I should be honest and forthcoming about that in case it did bother anyone. You know what they say "honesty is the best policy"

I think I should also say I'm not 100% certain that this is for me and that my main reason for being here is learning whether this is right for me or not.

I am interested in B/D D/s and some light S/M (emphasis on "light" I don't think I can call myself a sadist)

I would like to learn about bondage and I have a specific interest for Japanese Shibari and Kinbaku.

Most of my fantasies involving actual partners in person are of a nature of a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (with certain limitations of course, I mean a slavegirl must be treated with respect to her needs and I have thought of some considerations on how to facilitate these within the TPE system) I think of this as more of a consensual fetish roleplay than any sort of actuality thing. I agree with this sites stipulations that Doms and subs alike ought to be treated as equals.

I have fantasized polygamously. I am straight though any slavegirls I took would likely need to be bi-sexual. I also find asian females to be appealing...I don't really consider this favoritism a fetish, but I suppose in this context it would be. I don't think of myself as a guy with "yellow fever" and I have no disillusions that asian females are somehow biologically submissive. Submissiveness cannot be programed biologically by ethnicity, some people choose to be dominant or submissive, it has nothing to do with race or ethnicity.

If anyone could help point me in the right direction to find out if this is right for me I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

http://blog.atomictokyo.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/Suspension%20Shibari%20Tiger%20Lily.jpg

[VaAugusta]

I want to respond in some reassuring way, but I don't really understand what you're looking for. :Z

But anyways, the anti-porn people just say that because they want to sound elitist and special to get laid. Don't worry bro. ;D

[10K]

I guess I'm just looking for more information to see if this is the right thing for me or not.

[scarlet_85]

First of all... welcome :)

I am a slave and like you, was very curious if this whole lifestyle was for me. I knew what BDSM was but to say I knew how it all really went would have been a lie. I was very ignorant to the ways. I felt I needed so much guidance and would never fully get it down.

My advice is this: become friends with Google. Stalk the forum on here. Talk, talk, talk!! The more research you do and the more you dip in on what you do and don't like, the more you will find out about yourself. I spent a solid 3 months doing research and communicating with my Dom. I still don't know everything, but that feeling of ignorance is gone. And, I don't feel lost or confused about my role in the lifestyle.

I am 100% sure that this slave is His to do with as He pleases.

A very liberating feeling :)

Don't get discouraged! I really hope that you find your inner Dom. This lifestyle adds that little twist of excitement to life. It truly is a great thing. Just make sure everything you do is SAFE, SANE, & CONSENSUAL!

Happy hunting :)

[10K]

of course, SSC is one of the reasons I feel a little nervous, I don't really think I'm ready to Dominate anyone yet because I'm not quite sure of the needs of a slavegirl or the effects some activities might have on a slave or her body. I know I definitely need to know more before I start to build my slave harem.

What would you suggest looking for on google? I know where to find porn, but that's all superficial and not very practicable, so I obviously need a better source of information. If you had any search terms that would be helpful I would appreciate it, thanks!

Also do you mind if I ask about your unsure feelings? I have a number of them and I would like to know if other people have felt similar, if you and you Master don't mind of course.

Blog post #001_1106131916 Introduction (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/entry.php/1266-Introduction-a-little-about-me)

[scarlet_85]

As simple and weird as it may sound... Google search BDSM... if you click on the Wikipedia link, there will be other links in that. I feel seeing BDSM and actually reading about BDSM are two completely different things. Also try these:

BDSM Rope Play
BDSM Breath Play
BDSM Edge Play
BDSM Suspension
BDSM Sensation Play
BDSM Blood Play

Granted you may not be interested in all of those, but I have found that I have shown a respect for all aspects of the lifestyle. For instance, my Dom and I dabble in blood play. We find it very erotic and it seems like a very personal thing to do. He feels that he drank the soul of his slave into him. Now, a lot of people don't really care for that. However, in this type of company there is a respect and understanding of the kink. As you learn the lifestyle and try new things, you will learn exactly flips your switch.

My biggest insecurities when I started were a huge factor on my outlook. I had to make sure first and foremost that this wasn't just a major psychological issue playing itself out. I had to learn to be sure of who I was and what I was and wasn't ok with before I could fully agree to submit and lose all control. I was also afraid that something would go horribly wrong. My first experience with breath play almost turned to panic. My Master picked up on my body language and instantly loosened his grip.

I hope that bit of information helped. When and if you squire a sub, communicate tons. Each D/s relationship is different. Each is molded into what works best for the two involved and no two relationships are the same. All of us here in the Library share a common interest, but we are all very unique.

:)

[brwneydgirl]

I have heard that people here disapprove of porn and that I am taking the risk of being shunned by the community by being this honest.




Hmm. I don't think I've heard of anyone being shunned for being a fan of porn....but maybe that's because I'm so busy watching porn. Either way, if you'd like to "find out if this is right" for you, keep reading these forums, do a bit of legwork and maybe even start to venture out into your local community. Doesn't mean you have to start attending play-parties and running around in latex underpants...just observe. :)

[10K]

Thank you both very much!

@scarlet
I agree I'm not into all of those, but at least now i have a general idea of what to look into.

For me, I'm unsure of whether I really want to be a fetishist or if I would rather get married and have a romantic relationship. I have fantasies in both and I'm not sure which one to choose. In addition, of course, to the safety concerns related to this type of play and lifestyle, I worry a little bit.

Certainly and one of the things I want to work out before I take a slavegirl is how to communicate clearly and how to allow her to communicate back.

@brwneydgrl

Haha! I'm pretty sure I don't have any latex fetishes for the moment, but there's always the possibility of exploring it...maybe. I've a lot of thoughts on what I want out of any slavegirl I might accept into my harem I just need to figure out all the rules first...but I'm rambling off topic.

I have considered looking into fetish clubs before, but I am not sure if there is much in the way of fetishes in my area. I do live in an unusually liberal town for the central states, but I do not know if we have any of that kind of thing here.

Do you think there might be anything in Indianapolis IN, Chicago IL, or Louisville KY? Those are the three nearest large cities for me.

[4Haru]

I also new here... Still dunno what must I do :D
I hate and like pain in the same time, so I can't tell that myelf is S or M type :D

[10K]

Hi 4Haru

Maybe your a switch?

Pain for me, I dunno. I'm pretty sure I don't want a masochist slavegirl, I'm not sure I feel comfortable inflicting pain on a living creature...But I have had curiosities with some pain sometimes. Maybe low voltage electricity? or some nipple clamps or clamping her elsewhere or the occasional whipping. But I'm not sure I want to do it regularly, maybe just the occasional foray into limited pain. So not actually physical S/M pain, just on occasion.

[Austerus]

Hey 10K, welcome to the forums. A few things.

1) There's no such thing as a monolithic "fetish lifestyle." It's much more like a very loose confederation of independent tribes than it is a nation. SSC is something all good people take seriously, but beyond that anyone who talks about "real" BDSM/doms/subs/kinks/whatever is full of it, and anyone who claims the authority to speak for the community as a whole is a charlatan. (yes, I said charlatan. Why? Apparently I live in a Charles Dickens book)

2) I've never heard of this supposed anti-porn bent, but I'll go out on a limb and say anyone in the kink community who frowns on people for watching porn is an insufferable douchebag. Period.

3) Don't rush into a TPE situation. Start slow online, then move slow in RL. Rushing into something or trying to bite off more than you can chew is the fastest possible route to a bad situation. It's not a race, and it's not like all the good slaves are going to be gone a week, or a month, or a year, or five years from now. There's plenty of fish in the sea and life is long.

[10K]

I never intended to rush into 24/7 TPE. I have had thoughts about a lengthy "courting" period to determine whether or not the slave and Master match primarily, but also for preparing her for any eventual service I may come to expect of her.

I also have said a couple times that I don't feel altogether ready for the Dominant role on account of my ignorance at this time. I think that trust is an important issue here. Since I am new I know that you all will be watching me closely and I hope that you will approve of my direction and help me anywhere I need instruction. I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, too many to write about all at once, I know I am going to need the thoughts critique and suggestions of everyone slave and Master including the thoughts of my own slaves, once I own them, in order to be able to do this properly. I hope everyone will help.

[Austerus]

That all sounds great but to try to clarify again: I think you may be overestimating the level of organization and coordination of the BDSM community. Again, there is no "we all" who watch or accept or judge. Everyone's just people. Mostly that's good, but there's something dangerous there too that people don't always get: pretty much no matter what twisted shit a person can come up with, they can find a group or chat room or mailing list or forum out there that will validate them and tell them that it's right. Conversely there are an awful lot of dangerous people out there who are happy to suck in new folks by claiming they are in a position to teach or judge.

All that is to say that while I hope you are made welcome, make a ton of friends, learn a lot, get great advice and guidance, and have a great experience that lasts a lifetime, you should not and can not rely on "the community" to validate you or put a stamp of approval on you. It's actively dangerous for you and for any potential subs or slaves you might have someday to not take control of your own learning process. If anyone tells you that "we're all watching, and we think X" then that person's a liar. If anyone tells you that "in order to be accepted you must Y" then that person's a liar too. Be SSC, make friends and grow, but you must must must take responsibility for and ownership of your own path.

[10K]

Ah I think I understand now, thankyou for clarifying that.

Hmm, I actually am coming from leaving behind a conservative religion as of two years ago, does this satisfy your concern that I may look to the group for guidance too readily?

I suppose I'm not really looking for validation, but sometimes I have fetishes that concern me on account they may not be too realistic. Sometimes I want to get a little feedback and critique on it because I'm not really sure. So I would like to know other people's thoughts and experiences to see if there is anything else I can make use of or that might help me decide. I don't want to be told exactly what I want, I want to try to incorporate experience I don't have.

I like that your saying as well. One of my concerns for my slaves is the possibility she may obey me to readily. Of course I expect plenty of "yes Master", "thankyou Master" and other submissive behaviors etc... etc... but I also want to impress upon her the import of placing her health needs, for example, first before obedience even.

I have already decided that the first part of my courting concept will involve not training or submission per say but a sort of preparation for appropriateness. That's rather vague, I still need to work out the details on this so forgive me if it is difficult to understand. I think I am going to write what I will call "Articles of Submission" which will detail a series of rules and stipulations about play which she must know and understand prior to undertaking any actual training or any actual submission. Example of stipulations might be "the slavegirl is not giving up her rights" "The Master and slave are equals" "the slave is not prohibited from leaving the harem" "this is an elaborate roleplay, a pretense" etc.. etc... things she must know in order to ensure her safety. I know not to take anything anyone tells me just because they said so and while I may own my slave, I expect her to speak up if she has any concerns for her safety and health as well. I have every intention of course of taking responsibility as a Dominant and thinking and taking considerations (one of the reasons I'm not looking for a harem slave yet) but I also need the slave to speak for herself at times as I cannot know everything and she may think of something I have not for any number of reasons. One example might be for the fact that she is intimately more familiar with the female body than I am, and my Dominance over her does center around her sexuality, something which I, as a man, will always be able to learn only so much about.