Help

[angellee]

I am a male dom on my girlfriend's (sub's) account. I found her account a few weeks ago and she explained to me that she likes this stuff (first time i ever heard this) she doesnt live with me so we have rules for when at my house and when shes not. I need punishment ideas for at my house and punishments she can do to herself. I also need humiliation ideas for both. Also if you have any rules i could use for both as well i would like that. I am very new at this but she knows what she would like and im okay with that. Shes okay with pretty much anything. she wants me to be tough with her. Please help me with this... Thanks so much!

[denuseri]

You may wish to review the site's rules and get your own seperate account here first.

[delish]

Hello and welcome!

It would behoove you to get your own account, first of all.

I would advise you to learn as much as you can about what BDSM is before you start putting it into practice. Punishments, for example, are highly subjective. It sounds like angel wants more than to just be tied up and spanked once in a while, and it sounds like you want to make her happy, but does this sort of thing interest you? Consider your own limits carefully, and talk to her. It is considered healthy to build a framework within your own relationship, based on both your needs.

Some things you should ask her:

Does she have previous experience in some aspect of BDSM? (If so, she might be able to answer a lot of questions for you.)
How much of a role does she expect this to play in her life? (IE: Is it a 24/7 commitment? Is it a fun bedroom game? NOTE: This may change as the relationship progresses, and/or as you both gain more experience.)
What are her limits?
If she's had past experience, what are her turn-ons? If not, what does she fantasize about most? Likewise with how she's been punished or what gives her discomfort.

You'll think of other things to ask, and the key is to be highly communicative. It sounds like you're at a distance right now, which makes communication even more important (if that's possible), in my experience. (I was in a long-distance relationship for 3 years before we even met in person. We've been married for 5 now.)

Don't be afraid of asking questions. Don't take yourself too seriously, either. Oh, and never, ever lash out in anger. (The absolute will probably get me in trouble with others here, as it's generally accepted that there are no absolutes, but I think that one should be given an exception.) Do enjoy yourself!

Hopefully this helps somewhat!

[Misschief]

She needs to keep a journal for you.. Whether she records positive and negative feelings about the sexual encounters you both have engaged in, or she records her darkest fantasies in there, it is imperative that she write to you.. Some things are easier to write down and share than to say face to face; this will save you from having to guess what she craves in the deepest corners of her mind..

[Austerus]

A journal is a great idea for a lot of people, but is not 'imperative' or a 'need.' It's often great for people, and is something you should explore to find if it's a good fit for you and her. But if it's not a good fit for either of you then it doesn't mean you're failing or doing it wrong.

[denuseri]

I highly reccomend placeing safty over kink as well.

[Nicipac]

not to sound harsh or demeaning...but first you want to be a Dom....I think that is great, but please don't put yourself out there as something you are not....there are way too many out there that do.....all it does is get people hurt....that said...open an account for yourself....post your add seeking help..... learn all you can before you start acting out....it will serve you and her better in the long run..... sit down and talk to her and find out what she needs from you...find out what you are comfortable doing.....then practice those till you both get what you want from it...then experiment with what you both want next....or one of your desires and one of hers..... But please get some basic training from someone who has been doing it....Be safe and Play well

[MstrJake]

It has been a couple of weeks since the last post on this thread, and I am wondering how things are going. The advice given by the very experienced members was good advice. My suggestion is for the two of you to read things together, Forum posts are good, and the Stories are good choices too. As you read, you might ask each other if what you have read excites them, does it make you hard, does it make her wet. Keep in mind that for most of us, there are fantasies that arouse us but that we probably would never actually do, and that is okay. What you are after is finding out what turns you on and what turns her on. Then you can decide if you want to include those things in your play. "Punishment" implies that someone has not followed agreed upon rules. That could be really violating an agreement, or it could mean role playing. It would be helpful to be clear with each other about which is which. The Forums are a terrific resource, free of charge and no strings. If there were strings it would only be to report back on how things are going. So, how are things going?