What does being submissive mean to you?

[sexyslave69]

Hello everyone,I am just wondering what being submissive means to other people.My Master thinks it mean that you give up total control and you want to obey everything you are told to do with no reservations.Thanks for reading/responding.

[karley]

For me it means that in one area of my life i release control, and revel in that fact. i'm extremely controlled in my everyday life, it's half a part of my nature, and half something i was taught from a very young age. But it's always felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders. When i submit it allows me to let go of that tight leash of control and put it into the hands of the One i trust. It's that age old find in bdsm where i find my freedom in handing it over to another. For me it is about giving up total control, but it's not about doing absolutely anything i'm told. Within reason - yes. But i'm not a push over, when i submit i do it because it makes me happy and it makes my Owner happy, but i'm not His mindless drone. i have limits, both hard and soft, and they are respected.

[sexyslave69]

Thanks Karley for responding.Do you live with your Owner? My husband and I are starting to explore BDSM but it's all overwhelming at times.There is S&M,B&D BDSM and probably a few more.My best bet would probably be to read a lot on all of it.Thanks again, :rolleyes:

[sexyslave69]

Ooops sorry Karley I put the wrong smiley face in there,didn;t mean that one.I meant this one :)

[karley]

haha that's okay. And no, i don't live with my Owner. W/we met through the library and have our first face-to-face meeting in planning right now. There's definitely a lot to think about as far as bdsm goes. Something that i'd highly recommend because you two are both new and exploring like/dislikes/limits etc would be to have you both fill out a BDSM checklist and go over them together. i know there is a link for a good one somewhere on the library, or you could just do a google search for it.

[lozerette]

Being submissive means submitting to the will of another. (Redundant, I know.) There are varying degrees, and it does not necessarily mean blind obedience. What it means for one person does not have to be what it means for another.
I find submitting pleasurable, even though I sometimes do not enjoy the acts themselves. I do have some limits in place, and will not do something I find morally objectionable. Beyond that, I take pleasure in pleasing others, above and beyond my own desires.

[Flaming_Redhead]

I use dictionary definitions, such as these from Webster's Online Dictionary.

1. Inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people."
2. Abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; "she has become submissive and subservient."
3. Willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent.
4. Inclined or ready to submit; acknowledging one's inferiority; yielding; obedient; humble.
5. Showing a readiness to submit; expressing submission; as, a submissive demeanor.
6. Being obedient, docile, biddable, acquiescent or unresisting.
7. Being subservient, servile, slavish or obsequious.
8. Being meek, gentle, mild or soft.
9. Being compliant, tractable, amenable or unstrained.
10. Adjective base of the adverb submissively.

[denuseri]

Well in bds&m being a "submissive" and acting submissive are not necessarily all inclusive. One doesn't go around submitting to everything or everyone all the time without reservations or limits. One doesn't spend all the time, every waking hour of the day etc submitting to every little thing. A "Submissive" or even a 24/7 TPE "slave" is not a doormat to be casually stepped upon whenever one feels like it. IMHO most people who seem to think that haven't ever practiced any bdsm in real life and are expecting people to fit into some imaginary cookie cutter mold that simply doesn't exist (fyi for the op...I live with my owner and am in a 24/7 tpe arrangement).

[miztery]

I am totally new to this, but, so far, it means finding someone whom you care for and have enough respect for to let them in the deepest parts of yourself. ( Totally meant that figuratively but yeah literally too lol) I found that I have this overwhelming desire to serve and please my master, and in my opinion that is what being a sub is all about.

[turquiose]

For me, it is an escape. A place I don't have to wear a mask. I don't have to be strong. I can just let go, lose control. That feeling of someone wanting to please you in all your darkest fantasy like ways and it pleasures him/her to do it. In a nut shell, that is what it means to me. Exhale... Ahhhhhhhhhhhh :-)

[didoanna]

Umm...I'm not sure that it counts precisely for this thread but I think that being submissive means that you understand other people have at times the right to set boundaries for you that they know are in your best interests.

I think it is tricky, as Denu, has already stated very well, to say that someone is submissive because they do X or Y but rather they are submissive because they accept in the relationship the need to do X and Y and admit that it is for their own good.

I mean, for example, I live within some pretty strict boundaries when it comes to time keeping and alcohol which may on first glance look terrible and harsh (I thought so at the time too - which is why I had a few 'chats' with the cane) but I now realise that I should be accepting those boundaries as they've been put in place by people who care for me. I think over time, to be honest, I'm a nicer person because of those 'boundary fences' even if I do occasionally still 'kick the fences'.

But, and I know I'm not pushy, it seems to work for all of us and keep me on the 'straight and narrow'.

[ksst]

Submissive to me means giving up control, saying yes with respect, humbleness and at times enthusiasm to whatever is asked or commanded by my Master because I trust him completely.

I had to put "sub, usually", in my profile because I don't take orders all the time. I cannot give up total control at all times, nor can he take giving the orders all the time. It's what turns us on, but it's not our whole life. I have to be fairly dominant in my avocation, and I think the submissive state brings me back into balance.

[sirslittleslut]

Submission to me means 5 things
1. Trying to anticipate/respond to His needs promptly and with a happy heart
2. Making Him the ultimate boss, i am entitled to my opinions and concerns (ok and sometimes arguments but we're all human right?) but in the end it is His decision, which I will accept.
3. Having enough trust in another person (and their judgment) to surrender ultimate control and know they will do their best for you and themselves as well
4. Let Him be entitled to everything about you, your emotions and fantasies and all the little hidden thinks you thought NO ONE could ever know
5. Honesty, trustworthiness, dedication, drive, determination....

[davina_]

this may be an awkward twist and I hope all will forgive because I'm new here but I think it is very similar to ksst's assessment in that there is no way for me to submit "all" the time. My job makes me deal with a lot of pressure and I find it exhilarating to "let go" of the reigns and let my Princess take over. I think she enjoys the opportunities it provides her and we both achieve a great deal of satisfaction from it. We have been playing a D/s role for many years and I think it has benefitted our lives tremendously. But as much as submission has always been my fantasy, it has always remained contained within strict boundaries in reality. But I think it gives us some balance.

[mastersgirl]

For me, the definition of submission has evolved over the last 6 months. Master and i went from bondage play and s/m play in the bedroom to it becoming a lifestyle. The difference is that my heart was not in it in the beginning-just my naughty parts ;). But as our relationship grew, Master realized that it was in my best interest (and hers) to be Dominant/submissive with everything (generally) in our personal life. But for example, I don't ask to go to the bathroom unless we are scening but I do ask before making decisions that impact our lives. I was so independent before and longed for a way of becoming more myself by trusting someone else so completely. This is what submission is for me. I am free to be myself and serve Someone else so completely. It fills me with great satisfaction to meet my Master's needs completely. We are monogamous and she has promised to never trade or share me with another and I promised her to never serve another. I still struggle with submitting sometimes but Master is quick to recognize where the issue is coming from and addresses it right away. We live harmoniously and in balance because of the roles that are unique to us. I do believe however, that there are many forms of submission and what is right for one is not necessarily right for another. We are all unique and so is our submission, IMO.

[ksst]

I was just reading what I wrote back in September, and thinking how we have changed since then. For me it's almost like falling down a hole that I can't wait to get to the bottom of. The further I go the more I want to go on and the happier I am. To go from "sub, usually" to "slave" is a pretty big difference. It involves an entirely different mind set and actions. I still take the whole thing more seriously than my Master, but he is awfully good at this "Master stuff". Anyway I have no complaints. And if I did they would be dealt with, one way or another. I have a feeling we are closer to the beginning of the journey than the end.

[elysium]

I think I might have an odd view, but my Sir is pleased and enjoys to hear my unusual opinions.

Being Submissive to me means having the courage to go without, to be able to serve without thinking about myself. To have the bravery to surrender my body, heart and soul to the one I love and trust above everyone else. Being submissive means reveling in my choices, my power in my femininity and my lifestyle that satisfies my needs, sexual and psychological.