Fresh Sir looking for training

[LBoolean]

Hi there,
I am hoping that this forum can shed some light on a few things for me.
Being a fairly new D (even if in my mind and fantasy this has a long history), I am really looking for some practical tips.
I guess a lot of you (us) have been there, you have purchased every item in the downtown s-shop and have played scenarios through in your head many times... have read articles, cheezy novels and watched late night TV.... ready to start D'ing with all your might. Once confronted by a slave though, I guess its not only the slave's limits on the test but to a larger extent the Dom. This is one of the few lifestyles where 'size' is definitely not as important as 'technique'.
Now to my question....
As a responsible human being, I must be in control of the situation, meaning that as a Master, I must know how to use my equipment, the physical limits of my s and so fourth. As a master, my slave expects me to know these things to train her properly.
These parameters you can read on just about any bdsm site, but NO-ONE let's on to where and how to obtain this knowledge. Finding a perfect slave is hard enough.. keeping her from being bored a real challenge. How do you start, when do you stop, how much s allowed... this should be cleared with the slave, but I am in no way interested in letting her Top from the bottom... How can I guide her and myself to our full potential?


Any advice form you potential Mentors?

Thanks

[Nightstriker]

(I am assuming that you are straight as I am writing for word usage purposes.)

Not being in the life all that long my experienc is rather limited but here is the one peice of advice that I can give.

Experiment. Remember to keep it Safe, Sane, Consensual, but experiment. Play with your sub and learn what she is like where her tollerances are.

Also talk to your sub, tell her your concerns and then talk. If you want to learn her limits and such. We are Dom's not gods. Without getting to know the other how will we learn how to deal.

You may also want to go down to the local Sex shops and put up an advertisment stating that you want to learn how to use X items properly, and see what comes of that.

[mr_slogan]

The first thing to do is relax. This is about the enjoyment of you and your sub. It is best to start simple, find out what you and sub would like to try. Set down the guidelines of what you expect from her and what she expects from you.
Some basic questions are:
Is it going to 24/7 thing or just casual?
What safe words will use?
What are your limits?
Plan out your first scene in simple terms, ie today we are going to try spanking etc.
As time will go by it should become more natural to you.
If you need any particular advice feel free to email me.

[LBoolean]

Certainly some sound advice Nightstriker, thanks.
Of course the issue of discussion is very important, and we do that a lot... however I am pretty sure she is holding back for fear of disgusting or shocking me with her ideas.
I have read some ideas (very good ones) in this forum which I will certainly try... thanks everyone for making me feel like I am not abnormal or perverted.

One further issue I have with my sub is knowing when to be serious and when not. She begs to be trained, but I fear there is also a lack of knowledge on my part as to what EXACTLY that means...
sometimes she is very submissive, willing to do just about anything, and other times I feel like I'm the one being disciplined when she's not in the mood... should I then try to put her in the mood with some sort of discipline?

and

When you speak of training and setting of rules, does that mean rules for living (including domestic care) or simply where it concerns your Dom's personal needs. As I allow my lady (yes Nightstriker I'm straight though that is not the issue) to speak her wishes she said: "please train me" ... heck! what could she mean with that ? personally, I have learnt a lot in a short time by reading a lot, surfing the net etc. but ... and perhaps some of you have noticed this as well... a lot of internet D/s tends to oversimplify the lifestyle, making it seem like there is some sort of magic recipe that everyone except me knows about, and that every sub / slave and Master have an exact idea of what they want and how to achieve it. In this forum I have seen signs of intelligent life, so I ain't going away till I have learnt a thing or two.

All comments appreciated

LB

[Nightstriker]

The only other peice of thing that I can suggest at this time is to get her to fill out one of these

http://www.castlerealm.com/library/checklist.shtml

They are activity checklists, go over them together and tell her to be truthful. I have found that something like this is a great way to getting to understanding some of what the sub wants.

[slavelucy]

Hi LBoolean,

i think the answer to many of your questions depend on how far you/she want to take it; this is to say that in terms of her 'being in the mood' etc, it depends on whether you want to pursue it as a hobby (for want of a better word), have some fun with power exchange etc or seek it as a lifestyle, do you see what i mean?

A sub being in 'the mood' is a tricky one, if she's sick or there's a specific reason why a sub wouldn't be up for playing, then their dominant would (should?) take that into account...if it's merely a case of 'pffft, i just don't feel like it, sod off', then this is something that needs working on if you want to pursue a Ds relationship, yes. But, again, i think this all depends on how far you want to take it, if you're happy with dominating only in a scene, then it's not a problem, if you want to dominate out of a scene and hence control when scene's take place, then it is. It could easily be a case of trial and error...if she says she's not in the mood and you normally back down, try asking her why or perhaps telling her that you are in the mood...only by testing the water will you progress.

The same applies to the concerns you raised regarding what training actually is (domestic issues etc). Again, it depends how far you both wish to take it. In relation to this, you say sometimes she 'begs to be trained', sometimes, i'm not sure the full implications of this are apparent to submissives and i would suggest talking to her about her expectations of training, most notably what she imagines or hopes the outcome to be in terms of her behaviour, your expectations of her, consequences of her failing to live up to them and your relationship in general...by focusing on her expectations you can start to give some thought to how training should shape up for you two personally.

It is always difficult to convert a vanilla relationship into a Ds one, and hence i would strongly suggest taking it slowly. It's hard to go from yelling 'Hey honey, good day at work?' to kneeling and saying 'Good evening Master, how may i serve you?'! This is, obviously, an extreme example, but i'm sure you take my point.

In terms of the physical/pratical specifics of scenes, you could fill in a BDSM checklist, you don't have to deal with every item on it right now, but many of the basics of what either of you definitely do or definitely do not want to try could be sorted out...this would give you some insight into the sort of things she perhaps thinks about or would like to try, if not the sort of pain/discomfort she'd be interested in trying.

To go back to a previous point, perhaps the answer lies, right now, in establishing what she wants...sexual submissiveness, submissiveness, bottoming, they are all different things and require different sorts of training/handling.

The following threads may be some help:

Thread one (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=445 ) (might perhaps give you/her some food for thought in terms of what some subs feel/think about/hope for/like)

Thread two (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1502 ) (makes specific reference to the term and definition of 'sexual submissive' round about post 18/19)

Thread three (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1643 ) (develops into quite an enlightening discussion regarding different types of subs and their expectations etc)

Thread four (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2436) (literally uses the title 'I want to be trained'...and goes from there)

Hope this helps. :)

sl

[LBoolean]

Hi SL & NS

thank you both for your valuable input. I am truly learning here, and I can't wait to start living.
One member mailed me offline with another ditty:
"remember its supposed to be fun and gratifying for both of you, don't take it too seriously, we all make mistakes. Keep your sense of humour about things, the myth about the perfect Dom or slave is just that, a myth. Its much more important that you become perfect for each other, learn to know your slave and what turns her on learn what turns you on and do a lot of (safe) experimenting, you'll be ok."

I am learning a lot about myself & my slave from you bunch, thanks again for providing this forum as a means of enriching our chosen lifestyle.