View Full Version : i am very submissive however i am not sure how to tell my man suggestions?
vampiress
10-04-2011, 09:15 AM
i am very submissive and it is something i take very seriously. i entered a vanilla relationship we have not moved in together as of yet i have been to his house for 2-5 days at a time. i have started to tell him many times but stopped myself afraid of losing him or not explaining something right and being misunderstood. i am misunderstood a lot so it seems. Yet he has told me i can tell him anything but i am not sure if this is the kind of anything he would be expecting. i do not want to catch him completely off guard i have tried hinting about it but he did not seem to understand the hints. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated i have been racking my brain and honestly feel like i have gotten no where.
Domin8or
10-04-2011, 11:10 AM
Well my advice would be the old cliché, be true and honest to yourself & the near and dear. If you're planning a life together he has to be told sooner rather than later. If he realy loves you he wont leave.
vampiress
10-04-2011, 01:05 PM
Thanx any ideas on how to tell him?
Domin8or
10-04-2011, 01:15 PM
That is so very difficult, if not impossible, for me to say since i dont know the person at all. Therefor i dont think it a good idea for me to wing it. I think you know best yourself. Have you tried bringing it up in the bedroom while involved in a sex act? Tell him in the heat of the moment that you want him to tie you up or something. Like i said its impossible to give advice when i dont know that man. But all the best in your quest.
Ps. Really like your nickname.
~Sir Domin8or~
Ozme52
10-04-2011, 01:30 PM
If you lose him because of your sexual interests, what have you really lost?
Besides, you could lose him over religion, politics, the next person to come along that has more chemistry (with you or with him,) or bad housekeeping, cooking, or idiosyncracies (by or of either.) Sex is so important to a good relationship that if you have needs he doesn't, won't, or can't meet, do you really think you want a long term relationship? What if his kink or fantasy squicks you out? Would you really want to stay with him?
Therefore, it is better to find out now, before your're so hopelessly in love that you sacrifice your long term happiness for your long term happiness.
Ozme52
10-04-2011, 01:33 PM
If you can't just come out and say it, greet him on your knees, naked, with a coil of rope, a collar, and a paddle (or whatever turns you on.)
See how he reacts and proceed to the conversation from there... or after he uses you as offered (which also answers the question.)
Him being a guy I guess you definitely should forget about giving hints. Doesn't work with guys, ever.
Going the (rather blatant but very hawt) way Ozme suggests seems like a good idea.
All the best
Him being a guy I guess you definitely should forget about giving hints. Doesn't work with guys, ever.
Nope, it doesn't ;-)
Going the (rather blatant but very hawt) way Ozme suggests seems like a good idea.
All the best
Maybe a bit much, especially if he has no experience or knowledge of BDSM at all. Maybe start a bit softer, like asking for a bit of rope or being slapped, because it makes you hot. If it works, get into more right-on discussions after that.
But as was said, only you know the guy in question. However, I am afraid I agree that the only way is to breach the topic honestly, one way or another, but clearly.
Domin8or
10-06-2011, 04:33 PM
Maybe a bit much, especially if he has no experience or knowledge of BDSM at all. Maybe start a bit softer, like asking for a bit of rope or being slapped, because it makes you hot. If it works, get into more right-on discussions after that.
But as was said, only you know the guy in question. However, I am afraid I agree that the only way is to breach the topic honestly, one way or another, but clearly.
Pretty much what i suggested.
Ozme52
10-06-2011, 04:39 PM
LOL thir. Naked on your knees is a bit much but getting slapped (meaning on the face) is a bit softer? weg. Slapping a woman for the first time for her sexual pleasure was the most difficult thing I ever did in the lifestyle. Talk about overcoming a social taboo. Spanking, especially otk, was not merely easy in comparison, but definitely hot, even for most vanilla men.
And comic books, hollywood media, and even mainstream art, all depict bound women as somewhat normal. Police dramas, detective stories, and even the occassional sexual "misadventure" have inured men to enjoy it visually. The only "issue" is what will he do with an actual invitation to partake.
Xmaster1
10-06-2011, 07:54 PM
Yes do something naughty. Maybe even a minor argument then ask for a spanking so you can learn not to argue.
Also, although you haven't asked for it: Once I was sure I'm a submissive I stopped meeting vanilla guys because I knew hooking up with one wouldn't ever 'cut it'.
Ozme52
10-07-2011, 09:54 PM
Also, although you haven't asked for it: Once I was sure I'm a submissive I stopped meeting vanilla guys because I knew hooking up with one wouldn't ever 'cut it'.
Exactly!!
LOL thir. Naked on your knees is a bit much but getting slapped (meaning on the face) is a bit softer?
What? No, definitly not on the face!
I simply meant a few slaps on the bot in bed.
weg. Slapping a woman for the first time for her sexual pleasure was the most difficult thing I ever did in the lifestyle. Talk about overcoming a social taboo. Spanking, especially otk, was not merely easy in comparison, but definitely hot, even for most vanilla men.
otk?
Yes do something naughty. Maybe even a minor argument then ask for a spanking so you can learn not to argue.
I think that may be confusing. Better, IMO, to be completely clear that this is about sex.
denuseri
10-08-2011, 09:40 AM
Or write up some of the dirty stuff you would love for him to do to you and have him read it while you kneel before him while he is seated and give him one hell of a blow job....whips toys etc waiting innocently nearby.
Ozme52
10-08-2011, 11:31 AM
OTK is over the knee. (a pretty standard acronym amongst lifestyle crowds. (in fact, I probably learned it here.)
emeralds
10-08-2011, 02:08 PM
i personally dont think its best to 'surprise' anyone.. particularly in the heat of the moment.. (although it never hurts to ask for the odd slap on the butt at times )
i have heard where people have used similar to denuseri's advice and it has worked .. also if your very submissive.. have you considered that he has unconsciously picked up on this and is drawn to this.. it may not be as large a leap as you think.. but go slowly.. explain your feelings..... then work up to your fantasies.. fantasies can be extreme....
if you are serious with this person.. sit down and talk to him.. romantic candlelight dinner.. and sm101 or roses without thorns book (or any similar you feel comfortable with) in your handbag...
smiles.. thats my thoughts for what they are worth.. hope you have an amazing time and it all works out for you.. (and remember always.. sane safe consensual.. ) xx
Xmaster1
10-09-2011, 01:20 PM
You are right. I withdraw the suggestion as it wasn' t well thoght out.
I asked my Master/husband your question. I am the slightly more kinky one here, and he does like to be dominant but he doesn't crave it like I do being submissive. So from his point of view, here is what he thought would lure him in if he'd never thought of it. Some time tell him you would like to role play/pretend to be his slave for the evening and you will do whatever he orders. He might start out with little things like "pick up my pen" or "wash dishes" but if you are hopping to it with "Yes, sir" sooner rather than later it will occur to him to have you act out his sexual fantasies.
If he gets into that, later you can ask about tying up/bondage, if he'd like to try it. After that the spankings follow more naturally. Then see where things lead.
vampiress
10-25-2011, 02:58 PM
thank you all for your advice thinking i will got with a mix and match of some of the ideas however i do not want to overwelm him and scare him away however after reading everything posted i think i found just the way to introduce it thank you all again for your advice it was very much needed and appreciated.
Ozme52
10-26-2011, 01:59 PM
thank you all for your advice thinking i will got with a mix and match of some of the ideas however i do not want to overwelm him and scare him away however after reading everything posted i think i found just the way to introduce it thank you all again for your advice it was very much needed and appreciated.
Okay... so now you have to share it with us. And the results. It's part of the learning process for everyone. What parts of the advice you included, excluded, and innovated, and how it was all received so others with the same issue might benefit now and in the future.
And of course, any sex and kink that ensued, with lurid details, so others with the same interests might "benefit" now... and if especially lurid, again and again in the future. :D
I'll second that :) Dying of curiosity here.