first attempt

[ksst]

This is my first attempt at writing erotic poetry. It was inspired by events of early this morning, and then a song on the radio I heard on the way home from work.

When you lay me down
And harshly whisper stern words
My wrists pinned, your hand

Hard up against me,
Ecstasy, scattered, undone,
Lost but held by you.

[Kore]

Well done and the last line ties the entire piece together.

Don't stop.

[tommy99999]

it has it all ,

[ksst]

Thank you!

[ksst]

Since you liked the first one, I'm trying again.

Kneeling, naked,
Tightly held,
Head arched back,
Face upturned.

Eternity is between the blows.

[tommy99999]

wow simply sublime and so evocative

[Kore]

Again, your last line ties the intent within the thought.
Look at what you're trying to express as a piece of music that has a rhythm. Keep connecting the dots, don't stop.
Read into mine, add yours this time.

Let Me take you into My dimension
Feel and taste your every intention

As I hold you into your submission
In this play, there is no intermission

[ksst]

I don't know, every time I try to rhyme it comes out sounding silly.

[ksst]

Afterward

Trembling, shaking legs,
My heart fluttering, pounding,
Alone again.

Still the marks prick me
I feel your touch on me there,
Thrashing and beating,

How you made me beg
In desperate pleasure used
And thus filled my need.

[Kore]

^^ Good but I didn't mean the rhyme literally. There is an intent to a rhyme that flows the words but many times, the words and expressions can be so completely direct, it's like "sewing the eyelids open".

Now take all of your pieces and thread them together. It's not going to look exactly the same but will tell a great mouthwatering story.

[ksst]

My last one the meter fell all apart. I couldn't seem to fix it and make it say what I wanted it to say. Wouldn't my high school English teachers be proud? Using all their hard work to write SM smut, I mean erotica. You must take that with a laugh. I'm having a great time.
I'll try to get it together.

[ksst]

When you lay me down
And sternly whisper harsh words
My wrists pinned, your hand

Hard up against me,
Ecstasy, scattered, undone,
Lost but held by you.

Kneeling, naked,
Tightly held,
Head arched back,
Face upturned.

Eternity is between the blows.

Afterward I come down on
Trembling, shaking legs,
My heart fluttering, pounding,
Alone again.

Still the marks prick me
I feel your touch on me there,
Thrashing and beating,

How you made me beg
In desperate pleasure used,
My deep need fulfilled.

[ksst]

My Master helped me with that last line. Well, he said "it's no good, try something else." I like this better.

[Kore]

So do I, and very well done. It is you.

[Echoes]

I love watching poetry come together, working the words and intent into paintings and emotions.
thank you