Painless domination?

[egb117]

Hey all, this is my first time delving into this world, one that has been a great curiosity of mine for a while. I'm not even sure whether I'd be a dom or a sub yet, but do know that I'd derive no pleasure from either receiving painful treatment from a dom or inducing pain in a sub. I'm more interested in the concept of control and focus on the dom. Is there a market for dom/sub relationships that focus on pleasuring the dom more than on pain? Thanks for your time!

[Flaming_Redhead]

Yes. You might want to Google head of household, Taken In Hand, female-led relationships, surrendered wife, etc.

[Ozme52]

Plenty. Service and pleasure oriented subs are in high demand.

The real point being you be what you want to be, reveal it through conversation, perhaps open a "personal ad" stating what type(s) you are looking for, and watch complementary types seek you out.

[denuseri]

One need not have pain of any kind if they do not wish.

[Dog's Lady]

I would not, could not urge you to do something you don't want/enjoy, 'cause that would violate not only SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) but my personal ethics as well. I will, however, offer another viewpoint. That said . . .
You say that you don't want to cause pain. For me, and I think a lot of other subs (PLEASE chime in here, subs,) who don't enjoy receiving pain, either. Yes, if you were to just watch Dog and I, you would see him do things that might look painful--he will probably hit my ass, with hand or tools, he may bite, he may clamp my nipples . . . find your own porn for the rest. But you won't see him-EVER- hit my face, or break a bone, or seriously damage me. Here's the thing: those things he does don't hurt. The cause sensations that are so good they almost hurt-or maybe just a little-but they are not pain. While it might look like he is hurting me, he is actually giving me pleasure. I want him to spank me, because the feelings are so intense they bring my body to life. When they get to pain, I let him know through one of our safewords, and he either stops or backs off. I trust him utterly to take me to the edge of what I can stand, show me what is up ahead, but not take me past my edge.
I don't know what he feels when he is swinging on me, although the one time we switched, my thoughts were all on, "Is it enough?" "Is it too much?" "Oooh, he twitched! I hit something just right for him...try it again . . . once more-bingo!" "Uh-oh, that's his, hit the limit sound. Remember how far that was." I wanted him to feel pleasure. I wanted him to want me to do it to him again. And maybe one more time. Or 12. Whatever.
Sorry, back on topic. I knew that he liked more 'pain' than I do--he's a martial artist, for fun. So when I hit, or scratched, or bit, or whatever, I did it much harder than I would want done to me.
You NEVER have to hit or be hit by someone you don't want to. Just consider that that blow may not be painful to the recipient. It may be pleasure they can't reach any other way.
DISCLAIMER: The Forum pretty well knows that I am mostly a sub, with more vanilla than top. As such, my attempt to to was an attempt to please my lover/Master more than any sincere desire to dominate him . . . although you guys are giving me some ideas . . . hmmm . . . no, no, back to my expertise as a Domme. Oh, yeah, I don't have any, really. But there are some very (as far as I can tell without even being in the same state you are) good Doms on these boards, so get their take on it. For the dozenth time or so, I will refer someone to the thread, "A Connection," started by Ozme, I think in BDSM life-if someone more tech savvy can put the link in?-In it, you get a beautiful story, told from the point of view of both a top and his bottom (Sorry, can't remember exactly which terms Oz uses.) I think if, after reading this,you don't have some idea whether you are bottom, top or switch, well, you'd have to be vanilla to not be moved by this story. I wish they'd write a book and get it published--show the world what we are really about. (You can dedicate it to me . . .) This is raw emotion, raw sexuality, and, just, amazing.
Good luck in your search.

[Dog's Lady]

I would not, could not urge you to do something you don't want/enjoy, 'cause that would violate not only SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) but my personal ethics as well. I will, however, offer another viewpoint. That said . . .
You say that you don't want to cause pain. For me, and I think a lot of other subs (PLEASE chime in here, subs,) who don't enjoy receiving pain, either. Yes, if you were to just watch Dog and I, you would see him do things that might look painful--he will probably hit my ass, with hand or tools, he may bite, he may clamp my nipples . . . find your own porn for the rest. But you won't see him-EVER- hit my face, or break a bone, or seriously damage me. Here's the thing: those things he does don't hurt. The cause sensations that are so good they almost hurt-or maybe just a little-but they are not pain. While it might look like he is hurting me, he is actually giving me pleasure. I want him to spank me, because the feelings are so intense they bring my body to life. When they get to pain, I let him know through one of our safewords, and he either stops or backs off. I trust him utterly to take me to the edge of what I can stand, show me what is up ahead, but not take me past my edge.
I don't know what he feels when he is swinging on me, although the one time we switched, my thoughts were all on, "Is it enough?" "Is it too much?" "Oooh, he twitched! I hit something just right for him...try it again . . . once more-bingo!" "Uh-oh, that's his, hit the limit sound. Remember how far that was." I wanted him to feel pleasure. I wanted him to want me to do it to him again. And maybe one more time. Or 12. Whatever.
Sorry, back on topic. I knew that he liked more 'pain' than I do--he's a martial artist, for fun. So when I hit, or scratched, or bit, or whatever, I did it much harder than I would want done to me.
You NEVER have to hit or be hit by someone you don't want to. Just consider that that blow may not be painful to the recipient. It may be pleasure they can't reach any other way.
DISCLAIMER: The Forum pretty well knows that I am mostly a sub, with more vanilla than top. As such, my attempt to top was an attempt to please my lover/Master more than any sincere desire to dominate him . . . although you guys are giving me some ideas . . . hmmm . . . no, no, back to my expertise as a Domme. Oh, yeah, I don't have any, really. But there are some very (as far as I can tell without even being in the same state you are) good Doms on these boards, so get their take on it. For the dozenth time or so, I will refer someone to the thread, "A Connection," started by Ozme, I think in BDSM life-if someone more tech savvy can put the link in?-In it, you get a beautiful story, told from the point of view of both a top and his bottom (Sorry, can't remember exactly which terms Oz uses.) I think if, after reading this,you don't have some idea whether you are bottom, top or switch, well, you'd have to be vanilla to not be moved by this story. I wish they'd write a book and get it published--show the world what we are really about. (You can dedicate it to me . . .) This is raw emotion, raw sexuality, and, just, amazing.
Good luck in your search.

[Dog's Lady]

Sorry-computer problems-did not mean to double post.