Dom from wheelchair?

[truckinnhorsin]

possible?

I have an amazing man right now, and we have recently gotten very interested in BDSM, he the Dom, i the sub. Not quite 24/7, but not purely sexual either.

But there is a complication, he has MS. Somedays he requires a wheelchair to function. Even on good days, hes not entirely steady on his feet.

My question.... other than giving orders... how else can we continue enjoying the lifestyle on days he is wheelchair bound... or eventually, if he is permanently wheelchair bound? Does anyone have any experience with this? advice? ideas? I keep trying to imagine pain play or bondage with him in the chair.. and I'm just not sure how well it would work?


And while i have your attention, another side question... i have more knowledge with the whole scene, and a bit more experience than he does. What are some good ways to help draw him out and educate him, without losing my 'sub' role. I crave things, but telling him every time what to do rather defeats the purpose of letting him take control.

Teni

[tkk098]

What is MS? :confused: Sorry.

[vistana]

Multiple Sclerosis.
Google tells me it's an inflammatory disease of the central nervous system.

'In general, people with MS can experience partial or complete loss of any function that is controlled by, or passes through, the brain or spinal cord.'

[wannabeXopsed]

Hello Teni,

I have read a lot about what is expected from a Dom, and this has been helpful to me as to what is expected, and maybe it can bring some things to light for your Dom, and that he can expect from you. I dunno but I like what the web page had to say. Good Luck!

T
http://www.bestslavetraining.com/index.html

[truckinnhorsin]

Yes Multiple Schlerosis... how ever you spell it. Affects the nervous, in His case, mostly balance, legs, and on really bad days, one arm. I realize that if He loses control of his arms, all rough play is lost, i was thinking more along the lines of days when He just didn't have the balance for standing, but still had most/all of his arm control...... Thoughts on subing to someone wheelchair bound, being tied, punished, etc.

Thank you for that link.. it looks really great. i bookmarked it, and later when im not in the middle of getting ready for work, i'll definitely read more.

Teni

[slavelucy]

Hi truckinnhorsin, welcome to the forums :)

i confess i don't have any experience of the question you ask, but one thought that immediately came to mind when i read it was something on an old, old thread when someone asked about female dommes and male subs. i won't bore you with the detail of it, but what became apparent and a point on which most people agreed was that submission and dominance wasn't about wrestling someone physically to the ground, tying them up whilst they continued to fight etc. Sure, those things can be fun, but it isn't where Ds really lies, IMO. 'What of it?', i hear you ask..well, i'd say this fact went in your favour and what i'm trying to say is that your partners infirmity shouldn't interfere with your level of submission. Make sense? :)

i see that pratically, his condition could be limiting, but there could be some ways round that. Being dominant in a scene doesn't have to be about doing intricate and difficult bondage and marching around with a whip....certainly in my experience, there's nothing wrong with you lying on a bed and him sitting next to you/between your legs (*blush*)..or even HIM lying down (sitting in his chair) and you kneeling on the bed/floor next to him...it isn't about whether he could physically force you to stay there....you stay there because you want to be there and he still has manyother dominant tools at his disposal..like his voice, the way he looks at you etc. i don't really like to make any more pratical suggestions because i'm not sure what you're into, but i hope this has been of some use.

sl

[midnightsky]

Im willing to bet you could still manage bdsm from a wheel chair (or rather he could). It would rely a lot more of mind rather than then boday though.

Self bondage if the other person is totally confined- or at least be extra sure that you can get out if they cant help you.

Toys that are easy to latch/tie/whatever. Especially if the fingers are numb, some things like velcro can become *very* hard to undo. Find toys with handles that are really easy to grip and lightweight...nothing too slippery, skinny, or akward since they just end up getting dropped (wrist guards can help hold the wrist steady though so the wrist wont collapse when its numb).

Also watching the positions you are in- especially if you are worried about the arms. make sure he is not bending the wrist at an angle, try not to put too much pressue on the arm, and try to find a way is which he wont have to do any lifting (i see something cool with pulleys :) that would be fun)

[truckinnhorsin]

thank you both for your ideas... they rather mirror what i was thinking, i was just unsure of my own theories because i am not the most experienced sub around.

i was thinking a lot more mechanized type things, so he could push more buttons than tieing and tugging.

and i really thought the wheelchair would almost be more... domineering, than a man standing tall. He couldn't force me from a wheelchair... and he would need me more than a healthy able bodied Dom.


thank ye. all the ideas are helpful and welcome.

Teni

[Wizard]

Why not give pony-play a thought......

[Dngnkeeper]

Teni I have known a couple of Doms who use wheelchairs and still find ways to incorperate BDSM into their life. There have been some great suggestions so far, let me share a few observations on what they have done.

First there is a much heavier reliance on the mental aspects of the lifestyle and and their style has switched from physically oriented play to that of service and submission.

A few suggestions come to mind from watching them. One is control of things such as style of dress and presentation such as collars and other symbols. I'm sure he has some opinions along this area. Lucy has some good thoughts here. They both incorperated self bondage with the sub putting on collor and cuffs with chains with the Dom holding the keys. I fondly remember a night when one of them was leading several subs on leashes arround the dungeon and its halls at an event. Also one Dom incorperated sexual control in the form of a chastity belt and remote controlled toys which fits with your push button idea. Wizard's suggestion of adding pony play is a great one too.

Lastly both were able to inlist other Doms to participate in scenes with them to add back in some of the physical play that had been lost. I don't know if any of these would work for you though.

[Barton]

I agree, being a dom is more a mental state of being than a physical one. Self bondadge is a good thought as is incorporating another dom for the ocasional rough play.
Good luck, I am sure that you can make it work.

Barton