New sub seeking advice

[_Shar_]

Hi,

I'm new in the D/S scene, tho I use "new" as a relative term. I've known for almost as long as I've been having sex that I'm the submissive one. However, this really only seems to apply to the bedroom. In my everyday life I'm pretty dominant, but when it comes to closed doors I prefer to take off the dominant mantle and throw on the submissive one. My problem tho is this: I've only recently begun to explore how deep this submissive side runs, and what exactly I enjoy doing or having done to me. My boyfriend is also into at least some of the same things I am (he's a beginning Dom). How do I go about broaching the subject of the more kinky things I'd like to try? As we sit, we enjoy playing with rope, cuffs, vibrators, etc. He enjoys spanking me, pinning me down, some mild choking, and making me beg him to stop when I've had enough, and not just in reference to the spankings. I'm interested in exploring many other things I've seen and read on here and other places around the web, particularly earning a collar, but I'm not entirely sure how to bring them up without sounding like he isn't doing a good job already. Any advice on how to begin the conversation would be greatly appreciated.

Shar

[Ozme52]

There's a list of interests available. Many couples fill these out and share them with each other, looking for match ups, and in some cases, one doing for the other and at the same time strtching their own boundaries. With some, the sub fills it out and the Dom uses it as a guide.

It's been a while since I've looked at the list myself, so I'll go off and try to find it... but I'll bet someone gives you a link or bumps it to the top of a thread before I get back.

[Ozme52]

P.S. Similar lists can be found on most bdsm and lifestyle sites.

[_Shar_]

Thank you! I'll head off and see if I can't find these checklists.

[denuseri]

You could just oh say give him a little note or sheet of paper to read where you list out some of the other stuff you would like to try (use your imagination as opposed to some pre-made list) and give him a nice blow job while he reads it.

Say something like:

I love you. I know that being in a relationship needs open and honest two way communication and that being in charge can be vexing sometimes and that knowing me and my desires as well as your own can be helpful. I love you even more (is that's possible) since we started getting kinky and I hope your having as much fun as I am doing what we do. What we are doing already is great so don't get me wrong but if you want to explore further and maybe see just how far this rabbit hole goes these are a list of some of the things I am very interested in trying with you if you also desire to experience them.

Most of my own conversations about limits and what I would like to experience with a dom have all occurred while "in scene" as some people like to say. (Think kinky interrogation of a slave while she is giving head or while in a humiliating position etc).

Its also vital that you have some kind of two way open and honest communication going on without fear of reprisals.

[Ozme52]

Found it. http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php/9385-Hard-limit-questionaire-for-both-Doms-and-subs-to-help-them-find-long-term-partners

I'll also bump it up.