Dom/mes that won't let go

[Brkndrgn]

Hey guys, this is something that's been on my mind lately and I figured I'd run it by all of you and see if anyone else has had this issue.

I was involvedinmy local BDSM scene for a few years when I was younger. VERY involved. I was basically a free sub to the group I played with. As such, I've had a lot of Dom/mes, Masters, and Mistresses. It's been a few years since then, but I still run across people who used to be in that position for me. Many of them, in fact most of them, still act like I belong to them. Even if I run into them in public places, they'll touch me or try to hold me or talk to me about things we used to do. I've even had them introduce me to people as their "plaything".

Mostly, I just ignore this and let it go. I politely act like I have no idea who they are and walk away. The issue is this: my Vampire is getting involved with the local scene. For the most part, I'm not interested in participating because of all the messed up shit that went on when I was part of it before. But I have told Vampire that I would go with him to one of the munched and possibly to a play party if the munch goes alright.

I'm hoping that being with my Vampire would stop people from taking those liberties, but if it doesn't, I'm not sure what I should do. I think that walking away in play-party situation could cause trouble, Doms seem to like to throw their weight around in group situations. Should I just let Vampire handle it or is there something I should say or do?

Have any of you had that sort of problem? Have any of you had a dominant figure that just didn't give up even when it was over? What's the proper way to handle something like that? Or should I just avoid the entire situation?

Your thoughts would be appreciated :)

[lucy]

Never experienced it and don't know what the 'proper' way would be. I'd discuss this with my Master and settle on a course of action. In my case I guess it would be him dealing with the situation.
I'd say if a polite, but firm explanation of how things are isn't sufficient for them to behave appropriately, then you might want to look for different people to socialize with.

[VeniVidi]

As I understand it this is where the whole protocol issue comes into its own. As my learning may be a bit old-fashioned I can't be sure it applies these days, but it should.

If you have an agreement with a Dom[me] (i.e. any kind of relationship up to and including being owned) no-one else has any right to "Dom" you without permission from your own Dom[me]. Should this happen, e.g. you are requested to serve, protocol dictates you give something like the following response:

"I respectfully apologise Sir (or Miss or Ma'am) but I am protected by Vampire and am not allowed to serve anyone else"

There is also the protection rule in protocol, which means if you are repeatedly harrassed (e.g. three times) you can then go to another Dom[me] and ask for protection - your protector should then confront any other Dom[me] who tries to "take" you.

Of course, as with anything in our lifestyle communication is extremely important - so discussing this point with Vampire is a must - also when you go to a munch I suggest you check with the organisers that protocol is recognised there.

Hoping this helps
VV

[Brkndrgn]

Thanks for your imput :) And for the suggestion of the polite way to say no, that's very helpful.

[98tiller]

This is where, if you are going to be with this group your, SO is going to have to step in and let them know that you belong to him. If not, human behavior in groups will dictate that they will try to use you or try to dom your dom. Personaly, it sounds like a crowd you should not be hanging around with, it appears to create unecessary stress for your relationship, but I am very particular about who I am around and intolorent of rude behavior. Your description has undertones of more trauma than what you leting your SO know about. If this is true then you need to let him know, if he cares about you he will not expose you to that stress. If he still wants to expose you to the stress to satisfy his curiosities, then you know his character.

[Brkndrgn]

Actually, he's completely aware of the trauma and has told me that it's entirely up to me whether or not we participate. Knowing him as I do, I know that he wouldn't let anything happen or tolerate anyone acting that way towards me.

But I do have to agree with you that it's not a good idea to be around people who won't respect the rules. It's basically become a moot point now, apparently some of the things he's seeing about the group have made him decide that getting any more involved would be a mistake. The group I was a part of didn't really have any rules for their parties. If a sub chose to attend without a Dom, they were fair game, but even collared subs and slaves were treated that way. Even though this group isn't the same one, there is cross-over between them and I really wouldn't want to worry about things like that.

Mostly I just find their attitudes very strange. I would think that when the relationship ends, they have no more rights, but many dominants (at least around here, it wouldn't really be fair to generalize them all) seem to feel that once they've dommed you, you're always theirs.

Thank you for your thoughts :)

[thir]

Hey guys, this is something that's been on my mind lately and I figured I'd run it by all of you and see if anyone else has had this issue.

I was involvedinmy local BDSM scene for a few years when I was younger. VERY involved. I was basically a free sub to the group I played with. As such, I've had a lot of Dom/mes, Masters, and Mistresses. It's been a few years since then, but I still run across people who used to be in that position for me. Many of them, in fact most of them, still act like I belong to them. Even if I run into them in public places, they'll touch me or try to hold me or talk to me about things we used to do. I've even had them introduce me to people as their "plaything".

Mostly, I just ignore this and let it go. I politely act like I have no idea who they are and walk away. The issue is this: my Vampire is getting involved with the local scene. For the most part, I'm not interested in participating because of all the messed up shit that went on when I was part of it before. But I have told Vampire that I would go with him to one of the munched and possibly to a play party if the munch goes alright.

I'm hoping that being with my Vampire would stop people from taking those liberties, but if it doesn't, I'm not sure what I should do. I think that walking away in play-party situation could cause trouble, Doms seem to like to throw their weight around in group situations. Should I just let Vampire handle it or is there something I should say or do?

Have any of you had that sort of problem? Have any of you had a dominant figure that just didn't give up even when it was over? What's the proper way to handle something like that? Or should I just avoid the entire situation?

Your thoughts would be appreciated :)

I don't think I have never heard of such disgraceful behaviour from a whole bunch of people! The odd jerk, ok, that happens, although they usually get told off pretty fast. But a whole group who does not know how to behave sounds like a very bad place indeed. I would also be sceptical about a place with no rules gererally, thinking here of you finding a new place. A place where you have to be with a protector is a shitty place, to be blunt, and not where anyone would want to be!

You write that you are finding a new place, which sounds good. Should there be any more bad behaviour (as opposed to a misunderstanding or honest question) you owe those people no politeness. Tell them to get lost in no uncertain terms, or let Vampire do it.