Need some advice from some creative minds

[software]

i have been given the task of coming up with my own torture/punishment for misbehavior.

i have been very independent my whole life and strong willed. This is still very new to me but i am also adventure-some.

i am not into too much pain because i bruise easy but don't mind blood. i won't do peeing or scat, so that is out. Other than that, i haven't found any other limits. Spankings and binding me up is too enjoyable to be punishment.

my thoughts for punishment/torture were leaning toward being strapped to a kneeling bench with a Pear of Anguish expanded but that might be too enjoyable as well. i also thought of being suspended by hooks in rectum and vagina with only my toes keeping the hooks from being painful. That one might work.

Master is good at building things but i am concerned with financial matters (one of the things i can't seem to let go of) and i don't want Him to buy anything that isn't necessary.

i have been racking my brain for a couple of days now and those were the only two ideas that i can come up with. Master is not into blood and doesn't like to damage to the point of bruises, either.

Oh, we also have an all-seeing 16-year son at home still as well as Master's elderly mother that we have to hide everything from. Nice huh?

Ask any questions that you need to ask me and i will try to answer them the best i can.

No, i am not interested in private messages, meetings, or anything else. i have been happily married to Master for 18 years and i am staying that way for the rest of my life. i am just looking for some creative, inventive ideas from some creative minds that i am sure is on BDSM Library.

Thank you,

[VeniVidi]

As far as I understand, and with each bdsm relationship being different from the next, the concept of punishment can fall between two extremes. One is where the submissive always tries their hardest to please and punishment is used as a last resort (after discussing every other option). The other is where the dominant takes pleasure in giving punishment at every opportunity (usually corporal but can be mental), and the submissive accepts it as part of their relationship.

As a guess if you are being asked to come up with your own punishment your relationship is probably closer to the first of those extremes, so I will concentrate my "words of wisdom" on that kind of punishment! Knowing very little about you I cannot possibly tell what would be "good" or "effective" punishment, so I am generalising.

As a basic and obvious point, such punishment should be designed to make you think before doing whatever you did again. Also each punishment should "fit the crime". Minor failure in etiquette (e.g. forgetting to say "Sir" if that's what the agreed form of address is) warrants a very light punishment - just enough to make you more likely to remember. At the other end of the scale major "transgressions" such as persistent refusal/forgetfulness/failure warrant much stricter punishment to make you think "I'll never do that again". That means there should be a number of different punishments you think of (or take ideas about).

My personal preference for punishment is always something that has some kind of beneficial side. And I've found one of the most effective forms is "withdrawal" of something which you do or like. So for example if you eat a lot of chocolate (and haven't got such a strong addiction that your health would suffer without it) going without it for a day or week is actually good for you. Caffeine is another good example of something that can be withheld.

Similarly stopping you "playing" (e.g. some online game) for a period would leave you more time to do other things. Preventing you leaving the house would mean you had more time for your family, etc.

Punishment exercise is good for you - a few laps around the block if you don't normally do that, for example. Also there is enforced relaxation where you have to sit still for an hour or more, which is good for practicing yoga and/or meditation which are excellent.

For one-off infractions having to write the reasons for your "misbehaviour" in some publicly accessible blog (obviously protecting your personal identity) is in my view a strong deterrent.

There are quite a number of other areas, but it is so dependant on the person and their own likes/dislikes etc. so I've just given you some examples here.

A friend suggested that as physical punishment being strapped on the bottom of the feet is effective, unless you really like pain.

Hope this helps
VV

[software]

Thank you VeniViidi, but that's not really what i was looking for.

Together, we are trying to correct my willfulness and controlling nature that has been drilled into me since i was 6. i am OCD and want to control every aspect of my home and life and now have agreed to pass that over to Him. i have made a promise to Him to give it my all but for the life of me am not able to pass the buck. We have been trying to live this lifestyle for more than 3 years and for 24 hours a day for over a year and still i can't seem to change no matter what He tries/does.

So, the torture/punishment must be something that i don't like. i don't like a lot of pain so that is what i came up with (when obviously Master does like to cause it). It's just the amount of pain that i am willing to go through that is to question. i gave a good test to my boundaries on spanking not long ago and found that it's not a good means of punishment for me. i can go far too long although He seems to have rubber fingers. But my pain tolerance seems to be limited to certain areas of my body.

We are also going for more in a type of relationship where i try my hardest to please and punishment is a result of misbehavior but it is also part of a mental conditioning.

i promised Him that i would allow Him to torture me whenever He wanted for however long He wanted. That meant that He could make me do whatever He wanted at any time. If He wanted me to do something and He thought i might be reluctant, He can put me through torture and leave me there until my reluctance disappears. If He wanted to know my secrets, just put me through torture until i'm willing to talk. If i’ve done something that He didn't like, put me through torture for as long as He saw fit to be sure that I have been properly punished and won’t dare do it again. Anytime i give the word, i’ll keep my word. He doesn't have to tie my hands down but He can if He would like to and until He decided to release me. At least until He has broken my willfulness. At least we both have the same goal. LOL

Hope that help you understand what's going on better.

i appreciate your help.

software

[hellman]

sorry to hear it is going hard for you i have know some people with OCD and i know it is hard they can not help them self the best i can say is it is like people that smok and do drags they wont to stop but they just can not. it will take time and doing one thing at a time from what you have said i thing your going for all at once just start with one thing at a time can you put your willfulness in to boxes like you must do this in one box and you can not do this in the next box and work on one thing at a time like if you have to do some thing at 10 am alway have your Master move it to 10 15 then 2 week later go to 1030 as willfulness can cover alot of thing you can not deal with it all in one go

i hope this helps

[software]

hellman,

Master and i have been 'playing' on the weekends for years. This past year we decided to make this a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week lifestyle. i didn't feel like i was putting all my eggs into the same basket then and still don't because i knew what i was getting into ahead of time.

i'm not saying that the punishment/torture has to be horrific at first; maybe just something that can be increased as time goes by or if i make the same offense repeatedly but still must be unpleasant to begin with.

Surely, with all the creative Doms on this site, there has to be one of You out there that has some great ideas for me to pass along to Master?

software

[newsubbi]

Respectfully I would like to suggest that a peg to the tongue is effective control. It's hard to be in control when you are drooling everywhere and when it hurts like a bastard.........

[software]

i'm sorry, i'm in the states. What's a peg? LOL

[hellman]

for put up the washing

[software]

Oh i c.

We call that a clothespin. i can see how that would hurt. i will have to try it out to see how much pain it causes before i can say that it would be enough.

Thank you, newsubbi and hellman. Anybody have any more suggestions? i like to have several options available until i find the right one, not to mention that Master might like to use those that are less severe for other infractions.

software

[denuseri]

A jalapeno juice coated butt plug is a nice deterrent!

[hellman]

wow that is making my eyes water just think about it

[ksst]

I don't get punished by torture. Perhaps you are still willful because you are enjoying your punishments too much? What about doing something tedious like writing sentences? Standing in a corner? Something extremely boring?

My Master will use things like spankings as a reward for good behavior because I like them.

[lucy]

How about trying a reversed approach? As in: You won't get punished if you fail, but rewarded when you succeed in being the good girl he wants you to be?
Psychology 101 says that this actually works just as good or even better than the punishment dynamic.

Apart from that I wholeheartedly agree with ksst.

[software]

No, i definitely do not like to be spanked or otherwise. Master does reward very well for good behavior as well.

The hose of my vacuum has been broken and it has been difficult to get to the crevices of the house, so i asked for that to be one of my rewards and the part should be here today.
My dishwasher has had a small part broken on it and it has caused me to pre-rinse all dishes before putting them in it and i asked for that to be another reward and it should be here today or tomorrow.
There is a clutter of dvd's and cd's around the television because our tv sits on an old stand from like the 1980's and i asked for a new stand for it. Master is buying a TV armoire for me in a week.
This is all for good behavior but it doesn't excuse any bad behavior or my own hardheadedness.

[brwneydgirl]

Spankings and binding me up is too enjoyable to be punishment.



This is your quote from the original posting...but I digress.

Following along the same thought as ksst, rather than a physical punishment, perhaps the silent treatment would be a deterrent for you? To be completely ignored until proper deference is paid for the misdoing? You say that you're OCD and have control issues...rather than wracking your brain trying to come up with a proper punishment for what's seen as "misbehavior", perhaps a licensed therapist could recommend behavior modification exercises you two can practice together. Perhaps overcoming clinically diagnosed disorders shouldn't be included in your dynamic...especially since thus far, it's been unsuccessful.

Bottom line, if you've been corrected again and again for the same infractions, perhaps it's time to move away from the physical and more towards the mental aspect of correction, either through professional help if it's very bothersome to you both, or trying some simple techniques at home (silent treatment, not being permitted to call him "master" or say his name for a set amount of time...etc?).

At any rate, good luck to you.

[software]

Spankings and binding me up is too enjoyable to be punishment....meaning i do enjoy being bound and being flogged or whipped isn't enough to deter.

No, i definitely do not like to be spanked or otherwise....meaning that spankings by hand hurt far too much and i don't enjoy disappointing Master to the point where He must punish me at all, but it doesn't seem to deter my mindset. i find myself pushing the limits too often to get a reaction from Him. It starts off in a joking manner but quickly turns serious the further i push Him.

This whole idea of the torture/punishment for the slightest infraction in order to get my mindset where it should be was completely my own. Master was not completely in agreement with me on it at first. When i was able to explain my reasoning to Him, He reluctantly agreed to it but i had to come up with the means of the punishment.

i must be hopeless.

[lucy]

i must be hopeless.

Could be. It could of course also be that you expect something from yourself you simply can't achieve, like brwneydgirl pointed out.

[denuseri]

It would also help to know what specifically you are doing that's against his rules?

Testing limits is rather broad.

[software]

ksst,

i can't pm you back because your box is full.

[software]

Anything!

i will talk back to Him, or i won't follow His directions intentionally, but i do it playfully. It just doesn't end playfully by the time He takes me upstairs.

i don't know how else to put it.

software

[lucy]

Maybe you're one of those bratty subs. Or not submissive at all, but "just" a kinkster.

[Waarden]

Maybe you're one of those bratty subs. Or not submissive at all, but "just" a kinkster.

No need to be rude Lucy. This is my sub you are talking to like that. She came here for advice to make her a BETTER sub, not to be badgered okay? If you have no advice that is actually helpful, I would appreciate you moving on. Thank You.

[software]

Thank you Sir,

For those of you that have tried to help me, a long conversation last night with Master resulted in the correct punishments that i need to get the results we think we need to accomplish.

i do appreciate the support and advice most have shown me.

Thank you,

software

[lucy]

No need to be rude Lucy. This is my sub you are talking to like that. She came here for advice to make her a BETTER sub, not to be badgered okay? If you have no advice that is actually helpful, I would appreciate you moving on. Thank You.

And what exactly was rude about that? Did I say that your sub is a brat? Did I say that she's not a sub? Nope, I just pointed out the possibility that this could be the case.

Not everybody who wants to be a sub or thinks he/she is is actually cut out for it. Being not a sub but "just" a kinkster isn't being less or bad, either. Just sayin'.

Me, personally, I think that you've gotten excellent advice from all posters and in neutral words, too. And if you can't deal with answers you don't like, that's your problem, not mine.

Finally: I feel awfully proud that you honored me with your First. Post. Evah!

Be well.

[brwneydgirl]

No need to be rude Lucy. This is my sub you are talking to like that. She came here for advice to make her a BETTER sub, not to be badgered okay? If you have no advice that is actually helpful, I would appreciate you moving on. Thank You.

Badgered? Where? I must've missed something pretty major in Lucy's post because she's simply putting ideas out there..."what if's", if you will. Go easy, Waarden, nobody's being disrespectful and if you take a moment and read the responses with an open mind, you'll see that.

[brwneydgirl]

Opps...it was so nice, I had to say it twice. Double posted. :)

[Waarden]

And what exactly was rude about that? Did I say that your sub is a brat? Did I say that she's not a sub? Nope, I just pointed out the possibility that this could be the case.

Not everybody who wants to be a sub or thinks he/she is is actually cut out for it. Being not a sub but "just" a kinkster isn't being less or bad, either. Just sayin'.

Me, personally, I think that you've gotten excellent advice from all posters and in neutral words, too. And if you can't deal with answers you don't like, that's your problem, not mine.

Finally: I feel awfully proud that you honored me with your First. Post. Evah!

Be well.

It did not look like you were saying she was a brat and not a sub, but did to me at the time look like you insinuated it. But that is besides the point. If I mistook your post as an offense when it was not meant to be... my apologies. I tend to be a bit protective as other venues/forums are not monitored and turn into a troll fest. I see now it is different here.

I am not here to make enemies. Quite the opposite in fact. All the advice that was given was great and we've moved on.

Now as for my post count... this is the second one if you want to keep a running tally.

[Waarden]

Badgered? Where? I must've missed something pretty major in Lucy's post because she's simply putting ideas out there..."what if's", if you will. Go easy, Waarden, nobody's being disrespectful and if you take a moment and read the responses with an open mind, you'll see that.

Perhaps badgered was too strong of a word and most likely made in haste. But as I said in my previous post I can see your point and have recanted my original retaliatory response and offered lucy an apology if I mistook what she was saying.

#3! :)

Waarden

[brwneydgirl]

Perhaps badgered was too strong of a word and most likely made in haste. But as I said in my previous post I can see your point and have recanted my original retaliatory response and offered lucy an apology if I mistook what she was saying.

#3! :)

Waarden


No harm done, I'd guess.

ps--go over to the games section if you really want to increase your post count! ;)

[Sirdred]

I had always thought that punishment was something that was just that, punishment. The point being that the sub or slave has done something that transcend a rule that was agreed to prior to the event happening. As such, punishment does not need to be physical pain but something that the slave or sub would view as punishment. For example, if no contact for a specified period of time could be punishment. If the slave or sub enjoyed the act, why would this be punishment. For me punisment has a specific purpose and should not be confusing. Dealing with behavior improvement perhaps could be viewed as discipline.

Sir Dred