does being sub mean your weak?

[ferial]

i was having a conversation with someone a few weeks back about the face im submissive and was told that being submissive makes me weak.

at the time i disagreed but now it still plays on my mind. im not in a D/s relationship at the moment as all my times taken up with the baby, but im concerned that if i was to enter into one of these relationships and being sub means im weak then how is that going to influence her life? should i learn to be more assertive? is being sub a sign of weakness? im confused.

(sorry for all the bad grammer i hate trying to type on my phone)

[VeniVidi]

Oooohhh the type of comment that make me go "Grrrr"!!!!!!

Some subs may be "weak" just as some Doms may be "weak" and some prime ministers or presidents may be "weak". But to generalise is plain stupidity and/or ignorance. How much gut does it take to put your trust in someone else and say "okay – I'm in your hands now – dominate me"? That can be a very brave thing to do.

Here is the article on this subject in the "bible" I often mention http://www.seekers.org.uk/The%20Myths%20of%20the%20%27missive.htm. An example paragraph from this is a well-known fact that you can find in loads of posts in these forums:

<quote>
"submissive" does not equal "doormat". subs can be just as rowdy,opinionated, bullish, goofy, cruel and unpredictable as anyone else.
<unquote>

By the way (on a similar note) – a lot of female subs are also feminists – which is another oft-found misunderstanding: how can it be that a female putting herself into the hands of a male (for example) can be a feminist? The answer is that it is HER choice to do it, nobody has imposed that on her – she has chosen that lifestyle because that is what SHE wants to do. Therefore there is no conflict with feminism which maintains the precept that women have the right to choose for themselves.

Hoping this helps
VV

[sub_sequent]

I would have blasted them away... And i'm most certainly a sub.

I believe that subs(male and female) are strong people.

How can a person willingly kneel before another, accepting Their will over his/her life (not only their sexuality).
Knowing that you allow another to be involved in your inner dialogue, your mind, your heart, your plans, your strenghths and weaknesses.
And not buckle under all that?

By being strong.

How do you(as a sub) expose your deepest desires and needs to someone. Or
Choose a flogger, stand as directed and count... And be a weakling???

[brwneydgirl]

How do you(as a sub) expose your deepest desires and needs to someone. Or
Choose a flogger, stand as directed and count... And be a weakling???

Agreed. I am not weak-minded, weak-hearted or physically weak. I identify as a submissive. I understand where the question comes from...and don't we ALL feel weak sometimes? But as VV pointed out, generally, generalizations are bullshit. In general. ;)

[brwneydgirl]

Posted twice again...:(

[CrushersGirl]

I would argue that submission is something that takes too much strength and temperance...most definitely NOT for the weak! I would even go so far as to say that many of the slaves and submissives that i know and have met would be some of the strongest individuals that i know. It's been my experience that the average slave and submissive tend to be very much leaders and strong individuals throughout their daily doings and in the workplace even...

people who claim that it makes you a "weakling" tend to be too ignorant of the necessary knowledge to make such a statement...and it tends to be based on generalized and very feminist views of what a woman "should be" in this day and age..

these are the people that i tend to take with a grain of salt. They don't know enough to make that judgement....and when push comes to shove, their judgement also doesn't matter.

[ferial]

thank you for all your responces. I feel much better about the whole thing now. :D

[ksst]

I agree with what vicmal said. I feel at my strongest when I am submitting actively to him, suppressing my will in order to give in to his. It's not easy all the time.


How can a person willingly kneel before another, accepting Their will over his/her life (not only their sexuality).
Knowing that you allow another to be involved in your inner dialogue, your mind, your heart, your plans, your strenghths and weaknesses.
And not buckle under all that?

By being strong.

How do you(as a sub) expose your deepest desires and needs to someone. Or
Choose a flogger, stand as directed and count... And be a weakling???

[denuseri]

Well said CrushersGirl!

[CrushersGirl]

Thank you, denu.. :)

[denuseri]

Now that Ive made my plug for submissive power...winks at Crusher and others who say submissives have to be strong in many ways (myself included most of the time).

It is completely proper to accept that within proper context...we the submissives...are indeed weak.

(waits for the arguments to explode and finish before I explain myself)

[paulsub158]

In the BDSM world been a sub does not mean you are weak. A submissive person seeks to please an other to the best of their abilities. This in itself requires a strength of character

[sub_sequent]

denu....
You won't find an argument from me. It's the other side of the coin.

Yes, i am an strong person, but when i am with Him, i allow myself to show how weak i am. I have a need to feel safe and protected. Emotionally. He fills that.

When i am in any interaction with Him i don't have to hide or protect my heart- i know i can trust Him.
I dont have to worry- He will decide what is best.
I purposefully defer to His will in things.

But more than that. I have come to rely on Him to be my guide and advisor.

i see it as, IMHO, when i show my true heart and weakness, He can and will be Himself. Being the strong One.

[CrushersGirl]

No argument from this end, denu....and very well put, vic. : )

[southern belle]

In human society (as well as other mammals who live in groups) there are naturally dominant individuals who instictively take on leadership roles within the group and naturally submissive individuals who follow and support the leader or leaders. If all tried to lead or all wanted to be told what to do chaos would reign. Whether in group interaction or in one on one intimate relationships it is important to adopt the role that you naturally gravitate towards. Therein lies your strength. I find a great deal of empowerment and fulfillment in the submissive role provided the person I choose to submit to is worthy of their role as a dominant and has earned my total respect and trust.

[Sir Scot]

To the Contrary,I think being sub actually means one is strong. do hope you try becuse I know you will like it.Good luck

[Sir Scot]

I have found that when I am scening with a sub that she is actually my Equal,I would never a sub to do something that She did not want to do