Ceight
05-11-2012, 10:28 AM
Okay is this normal? I know this is going to seem like a total lark, but it's kind of wonderful and horrible and I'm just wondering if this is a common experience.
So my partner and I have been looking for a Domme or a dominant couple (containing at least one woman) and it made my fantasies go completely wild.
I naively accepted a "Training Period" from a "woman" online that didn't last more than forty-eight hours, but one of her commands was to stay excited all the time. Which ended up kind of annoying me, because I thought no way can I possibly stay excited all the time. And there was also a demand to not orgasm.
But after (for numerous unrelated reasons) I realized we weren't a fit I kept doing those two things. Well I didn't really mean to keep myself excited. I just meant to not orgasm. But then with all the searching I had it on my mind a lot and I found myself really inspired and writing a lot of stories. And then I found myself masterbating a lot (which I don't do very often ordinarily) right up to where I'm basically having to tear my hand away from myself (which is a weird brain splitting function).
And now I can't remember how to act with strangers. I'm objectifying everyone and stammering because I'm not thinking "Oh hello how are you? What do you think about this weather?" I'm thinking: "I wonder if she's dominant? I wonder if her husband is dominant? I wonder if she can tell I'm aroused? Her breasts look really great in that shirt. I wish I could touch them. God I shouldn't be thinking this. She has a really nice face. She's really pretty."
So there's one problem. I shouldn't be allowed in public anymore.
The second problem is I'm dreaming about being enslaved constantly. I'm waking up in the middle of the night totally excited. I'm not getting enough sleep. I went to bed at eleven last night thinking about sex and woke up at four thirty from a dream I was really loving about being used by basically everyone, at least everyone in my dream. And then I couldn't get back to sleep. All I could do was lay there deperatelytring to remember my dream, because it was so exciting.
And here's the thrid problem, the more I'm excited by all this and the more I research and the more I look the less accessable and possible it seems.
Anyone dealing or has dealt with any of these things? And don't tell me they're not problems because I'm seriously listing them as problems. Exciting, happy-happy brain chemical inducing problems, but problems.
I guess I could try and get my mind off of it, but who wants to do that? Which makes it sound like I don't want to solve my problem. But I feel a little like I did when I was a smoker. I didn't want to quit because I was addicted. (Waiting until you want to quit is like saying that you're waiting to get emphasima.) I was getting something out of it, so why stop. But this is worse, in a way, because if being overly aroused makes me smell bad (like smoking) than that just seems humiliating which makes me in turn more aroused (If that's even possible. Maybe maintain arousal?)
So my partner and I have been looking for a Domme or a dominant couple (containing at least one woman) and it made my fantasies go completely wild.
I naively accepted a "Training Period" from a "woman" online that didn't last more than forty-eight hours, but one of her commands was to stay excited all the time. Which ended up kind of annoying me, because I thought no way can I possibly stay excited all the time. And there was also a demand to not orgasm.
But after (for numerous unrelated reasons) I realized we weren't a fit I kept doing those two things. Well I didn't really mean to keep myself excited. I just meant to not orgasm. But then with all the searching I had it on my mind a lot and I found myself really inspired and writing a lot of stories. And then I found myself masterbating a lot (which I don't do very often ordinarily) right up to where I'm basically having to tear my hand away from myself (which is a weird brain splitting function).
And now I can't remember how to act with strangers. I'm objectifying everyone and stammering because I'm not thinking "Oh hello how are you? What do you think about this weather?" I'm thinking: "I wonder if she's dominant? I wonder if her husband is dominant? I wonder if she can tell I'm aroused? Her breasts look really great in that shirt. I wish I could touch them. God I shouldn't be thinking this. She has a really nice face. She's really pretty."
So there's one problem. I shouldn't be allowed in public anymore.
The second problem is I'm dreaming about being enslaved constantly. I'm waking up in the middle of the night totally excited. I'm not getting enough sleep. I went to bed at eleven last night thinking about sex and woke up at four thirty from a dream I was really loving about being used by basically everyone, at least everyone in my dream. And then I couldn't get back to sleep. All I could do was lay there deperatelytring to remember my dream, because it was so exciting.
And here's the thrid problem, the more I'm excited by all this and the more I research and the more I look the less accessable and possible it seems.
Anyone dealing or has dealt with any of these things? And don't tell me they're not problems because I'm seriously listing them as problems. Exciting, happy-happy brain chemical inducing problems, but problems.
I guess I could try and get my mind off of it, but who wants to do that? Which makes it sound like I don't want to solve my problem. But I feel a little like I did when I was a smoker. I didn't want to quit because I was addicted. (Waiting until you want to quit is like saying that you're waiting to get emphasima.) I was getting something out of it, so why stop. But this is worse, in a way, because if being overly aroused makes me smell bad (like smoking) than that just seems humiliating which makes me in turn more aroused (If that's even possible. Maybe maintain arousal?)