advise please

[maria32]

ok so here it is, there are sometimes whether you are sub or dom that you just gotta have it now, so i go to hubby and make a little move to show i am ready, now i am notthat confident as i am a biggirl with a few scars here and there, so it doesntcome easy for me to put myself forward, but the last couple of times i have made a move, i have been rebuffed and its starting to shake what little confidence i have in myself to start with, does anyone have and hints or tips that may help me please??



P.S sorry about spelling and grammer, not very good at either..................

[maria32]

never mind doesnt matter now, he left

[maria32]

never mind doesnt matter now, he left

[VeniVidi]

Assuming he's just left for the evening and there will be other times you feel the same, there are quite a few threads about similar issues and I will attempt to briefly summarise what I remember from them.

If you have discussed your wants needs and desires to be a sub and he is not interested in being a Dom (i.e. this is what you meant by "rebuffed you") unfortunately there is little you can do within your relationship. There are obviously other possibilities if your marriage is open, for example.

If the rebuff is probably temporary, e.g. tiredness, then the normal womanly wiles apply - a candlelit dinner, sexy clothes, whispers in the ear, and perhaps a hint on the bedside table like a paddle (from a kitchen drawer maybe) with the words "spank me" written on it. (Please ignore the shouts "topping from the bottom").

Of course it could be the same old story of the female dropping hints that they are sure must be obvious to even a blind man, and the male being even more blind than that. A flash of a naked body is more likely to get most males' attention than the subtle application of a favourite perfume that he's probably forgotten the smell of - we can be bastards. (Ignore the further shouts)

And if you've tried both the naked body and the perfume without success, it is high time for a heart-to-heart discussion between you.

Hope this helps

VV

[maria32]

no its gone as in " i cant cope with who you are turning into" kinda gone

[maria32]

but thank you xx

[kuriousgal]

Maria, I am really sorry to hear that, you must be devastated. I have no great words of advise for you Hun, only that I hope that you have access to really good friends/ family that you can turn too, if necessary. *big hugs*

[Sir Scot]

Gretings kurious, I there no chat room here anymore?

[maria32]

hi, sir scot, the chat is down for the moment but they are working to get it up and running again,,,,


funny enough i am ok with his decision to leave, it means i am free to be who i really am, instead of who he thinks i should be,,,, but thank you

[kuriousgal]

Hiya, it looks as if chat is experiencing some technical difficulties Sir Scot, but I should think it will be sorted one way or another in the fullness of time :)

[Sir Scot]

Thank you maria, I wish the girl all the best in her searh for what she needs/wants

[angelic.zest]

good luck maria. Hopefully as time goes on and you become more confident in yourself and your ability to learn, grow and make yourself happy and in turn making someone else happy start from this day forward. As i stated good luck and take time to heal and get to your new self!!

[Christopherspet]

maria,
I was in a similar situation for 12 years of marriage. I did all I could to save the marriage but in the end I was miserable. I actually made him leave, it set me free. Yes, now you are free to be true to yourself, its a beautiful gift....but freedom sometimes comes at a cost, please please proceed slowly, heal the hurt from your recent relationship and build yourself up so that you value yourself and the gift you have to offer...
Always,
shy

[maria32]

thank you xxx

[~B!tch~]

Best Wishes Lovie!!! Sorry he was too close minded to try new things for you,but you are right my dear, sounds as though you are better off!!!
*hugs*
Leaves a pile of chocolate kisses

[SIR'Sangel]

Your story like many others is heartbreaking with a silver lining. You don't have to be something you're not. Life can open up for you now. As someone else said you have a wonderful gift to share with someone who WILL appreciate it. Be true to yourself and don't let anyone push you too fast!