Wife and I had our first experience last night...now where do I go?

[Dombear]

So who would have thought giving a little nudge to a little light reading would lead me here. So yes my wife decided she would check out the book the fifty shades of grey. Good, bad or indifferent I have found a new side of my wife.

About me: I am a very strong sexual person but I feel I have been constrained by todays dogma of romance. I guess you can say I suffered from "Knight in shining armor" complex. Vanilla can be nice...but to have nothing but it all your life, well lets just same I am glad my wife decided she wanted to add some extra flavor to our sex life. Ironically Dom appealed to her but as we got into play her inner sub took over quickly.

I threw her onto the bed and told her to remove her clothes. I told her she was not allowed to speak and when she did she would be punished for it. I bound her hands with a tie of mine and had her lay on her stomach. As my hands moved down her back, down the outside of her legs and gently back up her inner thighs feeling the moistness of her soft lips. I asked her are you enjoying this, with her answer of yes i slapped her ass punishing her for speaking. After an hour and a half of amazing sex most likely the best sex of our 3 year of relationship. Our night included spanking tieing up and good rough sex.

I didn't want to go to big the first night out but i could tell my wife can and would like to handle more. So I am looking for advice. I am new to BDSM but not new to a sexual nature, ie porn, movies, sex stores. I am looking for more adventures and Ideas to take us to new heights of pleasure.


So yes please any ideas on where a novice goes from here.

[Kuve {Sett}]

First, forget just about everything you see on porn sites, a D/s relationship is still, first and foremost, a relationship and the usual rules still apply. Like any other relationship it's about love, trust, and sharing and it's essential that all party's needs be met. As a starting point I'd recommend two books, "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, they both assume no familiarity with the scene and are readily available through Amazon. Always remember that consent by the sub is the difference between scene play and abuse and that what you do is, or ought to be, an act of love on both your parts. Good luck to you both and welcome to our world.

[prometheus]

Funny enough I bought my wife fifty shades of grey as well, and she now wants to try some "kinky fuckery" as well... What Kuve says is right though all the usual relationship rules apply. You really need to talk through with your wife what she enjoyed about the session and what she didn't enjoy as her feedback can provide ideas for you. You should also talk about the kind of stuff you both would like to try, and perhaps go shopping together for some toys and gear as this again will give you ideas, and you'll begin to establish both of your limits (yes Dom's have limits too).

I would advise you take things slowly and very lightly at first, just explore gradualy, its ALWAYS better to leave her wanting more than to push her too far and risk scaring her away. In addition to Kuve's recomended books I would also recomend SM101 by Jay Weisman, and The Loving Dominant by John Warren and Libby Warren.

I hope all goes well for you and both of you continue to develop your relationship together. Good Luck

[ksst]

Welcome to the kinky side :). We started exploring this last year, and I agree with what others have written about communicating wants and desires being very important. If sometimes saying these things out loud is difficult, what works for many is to write them in a journal for the other person to read.