View Full Version : Successful Women Make Their Male Partners Insecure, Researchers Say
An article comments on research which seems to prove that successful women make their men insecure - even if they think they are not. It does say that the result should be taken with a certain amount of salt...
http://www.care2.com/causes/successful-women-make-their-male-partners-insecure-researchers-say.html
http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-a0033769.pdf
Are they right? Would the result have been the same if they compared themselves to other men? Or other women? Or is it rather a question of how a given person feels about themself?
For my own part I have been reasonably satisfied with my own doings and not much given to comparison. But after certain health problems I can get sad or envious if I see people do something I can no longer manage, like driving a car, for instance. So judging from that, I think it is an individual thing, if indeed there is anything in it.
What do you think?
Thorne
09-07-2013, 07:10 AM
I think there probably are some men who would get upset by their S/O having more success than themselves. There are probably some women who would feel the same thing. I also don't think those kinds of people are limited only to one person, or even one sex. Many of them would probably feel the same way about ANYONE who seemed to do better than themselves. Think of that guy in the office who stopped talking to you when you got a promotion, or that woman who always seems to be trying to one-up you at meetings. I think some people are just wired to be overly competitive, and don't like coming in second. And some of them will do almost anything to get to the top. Steroids in sports, undermining coworkers, even going so far as to damage a neighbor's property to make their own look better.
I think there probably are some men who would get upset by their S/O having more success than themselves. There are probably some women who would feel the same thing. I also don't think those kinds of people are limited only to one person, or even one sex. Many of them would probably feel the same way about ANYONE who seemed to do better than themselves. Think of that guy in the office who stopped talking to you when you got a promotion, or that woman who always seems to be trying to one-up you at meetings. I think some people are just wired to be overly competitive, and don't like coming in second. And some of them will do almost anything to get to the top. Steroids in sports, undermining coworkers, even going so far as to damage a neighbor's property to make their own look better.
That is pretty much how I see it too..Yet I was wondering if this maybe had something to do with the general discussion about men's rights, and how boys do bad at school and drop out of university, and divorce problems, and children in divorces. A sort of general feeling that women have gone too far and men are being pushed out.
This is a very old trope, but I'm often surprised and a little depressed at the persistence of 19th Century attitudes, particularly in sexual politics. Are there really so many men so sad that they can't cope with not being the superior figure in the couple? Perhaps there are.
Thorne
09-10-2013, 06:41 AM
Yet I was wondering if this maybe had something to do with the general discussion about men's rights, and how boys do bad at school and drop out of university, and divorce problems, and children in divorces.
I think the problem is more that some men are having to take a long, hard look at themselves, and they don't necessarily like what they see. Screwing that drunk chick at the party? That's not proving you're a man, that's rape! Slapping your date around because she won't put out after you bought dinner? That doesn't make you a stud, it makes you a thug!
A sort of general feeling that women have gone too far and men are being pushed out.
They're being forced out of the back alleys and into the harsh light of reality. The big sports hero isn't being given a pass when he rapes the cheerleader anymore. The courts aren't defaulting to "She's a slut, so he's not guilty" anymore. The idea that men can't be held responsible if a woman dresses provocatively just isn't a good excuse anymore (if it ever was.) Men aren't being pushed out: they're just pissed that they have to let women in. Men are having to learn that the rest of the world doesn't revolve around whether they get laid tonight. And a lot of them don't like that.
Mathius
09-16-2013, 07:55 AM
A sort of general feeling that women have gone too far and men are being pushed out.
In my opinion women aren't going too far, it is the fact that men don't know how to be men anymore. Men aren't the dominate partner anymore and just roll over.
Kuve {Sett}
09-18-2013, 05:45 AM
I used to argue with feminists all the time that if women didn't acquiesce to a subordinate role they wouldn't consistently end up in one. The same is true of men, if a man wants to be the more successful member of a couple it's incumbent on him to work hard enough to make himself so, if he can't he can either accept that and be happy with the woman he has or leave her and find a less successful woman that won't be such a challenge to his ego. Either way men need to get it clear that in today's world just the possession of a y chromosome isn't enough to make you a dom, that is a role that has to be earned and maintained through a lifetime of constant effort, someone not willing to make that effort shouldn't expect the rewards that would come if they did.
Mrs-Sett {Kuve}
09-19-2013, 10:19 AM
I would class myself as a successful woman, in business and within my personal achievements. Why or should that make a man feel insecure, I would suggest that the insecurity would be as a result of self insight. I can consider that another being successful may result in an air of superiority, but only if that is recognised as such by another, or it would remain merely as a status of funding and position.
Insecurity to my mind would not be gender specific although males tend to be raised to societal pressure as the ‘breadwinner and head of the family’ attitude. Yet should they feel insecure of another’s success, insecure or devalued, this would be dependent on the perspective of the individual. I know of men that are envious of a women’s success also of women that envy a man’s.
Therefore within my own relationship, he is not at all concerned with my financial prowess nor my business accruements. He is able to share my success with me and this benefits both of us and strengthens our dynamic. I totally respect him for this. Therefore I would consider, it’s the perception of the onlooker that determines the security of the individual, not the gender
In my opinion women aren't going too far, it is the fact that men don't know how to be men anymore. Men aren't the dominate partner anymore and just roll over.
Different strokes for different folks, Mathius
Insecurity to my mind would not be gender specific although males tend to be raised to societal pressure as the ‘breadwinner and head of the family’ attitude. Yet should they feel insecure of another’s success, insecure or devalued, this would be dependent on the perspective of the individual. I know of men that are envious of a women’s success also of women that envy a man’s.
I think the 'bread winner' point is a good one. Maybe it is something that men lay on each other???