View Full Version : new and seeking advise/information
jenbl
09-11-2013, 08:32 PM
I'm new to the whole bdsm lifestyle in do know enough to know I'm a sub but I live in a small town and have no way of finding out more about this type of lifestyle so any help would be greatly appreciated
Solis
09-12-2013, 07:11 PM
Good evening, dear.
Being submissive doesn't mean being passive. (It more typically means being consciously, actively and intelligently obedient to another's spoken and unspoken direction.) And so, be active in the pursuit of the assistance you wish. Set aside 15 minutes to play in "fun and games," to break the ice and make your name known. Make friends: look for the very next person who registers, and post a simple greeting: "i, too, am learning. Perhaps we might learn some together?" Find an active thread, pick three of the girls whose contributions most resonate with you and send each of them the same quiet note: "Good evening, Miss. I'm new and a bit uncertain. i've been told to seek three friends. Would you be one of them, please?" Peek in at chat, listen a bit, look for names you know, then make yourself speak up - just once, then you can flee (though you won't want to anymore). Failing all else, drop me a note.
You've got much to learn, and many kind and willing teachers available. Be patient and be of good spirits.
S.
just_ine
09-12-2013, 08:56 PM
Solis.1 gives excellent, practical advice. :)
Please allow me to also add...don't be in a hurry to 'experience everything'. When I arrived here a time ago I found that being here taught me about as much about myself, who I am, what I like and dislike than about BDSM.
There is time...enjoy it!
One useful thing I'd recommend is that you take time to learn the difference between fantasy and reality when it comes to BDSM, because there's a lot of the former in the media, and very little of the later. There are tons of 'sexy' stories and videos and the like, but not a lot of conversation about the important things new subs really need to know.
As the other posters have suggested, learn about the community. Talk to people who're really in it and don't ever assume you 'have' to do something, just because you're a submissive and someone else claims to be a dominant. Never be afraid to ask questions and to speak your mind :)
just_ine
09-13-2013, 10:35 PM
This link should form the basis as you start to interact with people online and off. Remember to be safe. That should be your first consideration in every interaction.
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php/24298-Red-flags-for-those-new-to-the-lifestyle
cookiecat
09-19-2013, 04:17 PM
I looked at the Tasking Society and can't really tell if it's still really active!? Years back, that was my introduction to bdsm "play" / tasks / accountability.
MilitaryMaster1
09-20-2013, 07:33 AM
It is still active Cookie, there is also a task tracking setup as well.
jules
09-20-2013, 12:08 PM
I looked at the Tasking Society and can't really tell if it's still really active!? Years back, that was my introduction to bdsm "play" / tasks / accountability.
hi cookiecat
Tasking Society is still live and i co-ordinate the first two levels, so if you need any help please drop me a PM or you can often find me in chat.
regards
jules
cookiecat
09-21-2013, 11:26 PM
I wasn't thinking so much for me. I used it when I was new and it was an awesome way to get started. Thought it would be a great place for jenbl to start.
Thanks, jules, for the offer!
cookie
callalily13
10-11-2013, 09:28 AM
im new here too and looking for advice. im really curious about the bdsm lifestyle and have thought about different scenes a lot. i dont know what to do. im ready to start. im married and my husband is up for trying anything. but i dont know if hes going to be up to what im thinking...
TheDeSade
10-11-2013, 10:01 AM
Read. Ask Questions. Read. Study. Find a mentor who can train, teach, demonstrate, advise, coach, and support yoy. Be careful. Watch out for old fat over the hill broken down slightly senile sadists who offer advice.
cookiecat
10-11-2013, 03:19 PM
im new here too and looking for advice. im really curious about the bdsm lifestyle and have thought about different scenes a lot. i dont know what to do. im ready to start. im married and my husband is up for trying anything. but i dont know if hes going to be up to what im thinking...
How do you think you should get started? Do you want to do this with your husband only?
TheDeSade
10-11-2013, 03:33 PM
^ is a wise person. You would do well to attend to her advice!
callalily13
10-11-2013, 05:30 PM
Preferably yes. I don't know how to tell him in a way that won't send him running for the hills