mixing your bdsm life with your vanilla life

[happy2please]

I have a question for all those out here who have a vanilla relationship but also bdsm pleasures how do you find is the best way to mix the two

[skittish doe]

Carefully, slowly and with constant readjustments…but please don’t assume that the way I do things (or the way any other person does them, for that matter) will be the right way, for you. This is a path for you to make. Own it. You’ll be more fulfilled in the end if you do.

I would humbly suggest that you take a good look at what you personally need and piece those bits together, as you can. Keep what works, always give safety the priority and be willing to learn.

Learn about your interests, determine what those are and -- perhaps even more importantly -- aren’t. Make lists for yourself. Explore your own mind. Make friends who know more about those areas you find yourself drawn to. Listen to those friends. Ask questions from a variety of sources. Determine your own thoughts and opinions about how things affect you personally.

Read about those areas that speak to you. Determine for yourself where exactly your interest lies, within each kinky piece that calls to you. Interests are as varied as the kinks they are within. Read, did I mention? Learn more, it’s worth repeating. Be safe, please.

The best of luck to you. May you find what you seek.

[RacerX]

Start slowly... suggest sometime that you play with some toys, or simply tie each other up (let her (your partner) tie you up first if she's leery... that builds trust..) Then once you play with just tying each other up lightly... then at some point maybe just tell her that you're more into it than that. If she wigs out in any way/at any time, time to decide.... Maybe just let it go.


-Rx