Do I answer a pm or not?

[sinead]

First let me state that the person and the pm does not come from this site....

So I received a pm from someone and I need some advise as to whether I should reply to the guy/ignore/ or chill the hell out.... Am I over reacting?... Is what he's asking for acceptable?? I'm doubting myself.. So I'd like some opinions please... Open to Doms as well...
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Daytime (lunch) meeting at The Priory in Kent, say at a suited time, I will be waiting for in the chapel on the left as one stands facing the outside seating area of the piazza......

(You) will walk in, light a candle and then go and gesture at the large gothic statue, stand at alter facing me.....

If (you) like what you see infront of (you) I would like (you) to then walk to the door, remove (your) knickers and place them on a the table, then stand and wait outside. I will stand up and pocket (your) knickers and join (you) outside - thats the initial foundation of acceptance, we will then walk, talking as we go for a friendly coffee to arrange our next 'official' meeting/date.

This will all be done in just one hour....
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My reply...if I send....

Ummm.... As lovey as all that sound ~ I don't know you!! As hot as that reads; I'd love to do that with someone I knew well ~ but I don't know you!! Someone not too long ago gave me some damn sound advice and I'm 100% positive he won't mind me quoting him. He told me "it is Not a game for children. Do NOT drop your common sense with your clothes, so to speak. 'Submissive' does not mean 'doormat'- It means you make an informed decision to willingly surrender control of your person to another person's will."

So this then begs a least one question....how can I willingly surrender my control to a complete stranger? Ummm.....

Ok let's leave that for the moment and we'll tackle another other glaring obvious question... In a normal "vanilla" relationship you would at least offer to pay for a coffee before you wanted to get my knickers off. Why just because I'm kinky or submissive in bed does this mean I will meet a complete stranger, practically hand him my knickers and only then go for a friendly coffee?

I've absolutely no idea who you are, what you look like, and have exchanged pm's with you for all of 3 days... There's no way I'd be able to tell a friend I was meeting you and for what purposes... Because any 'friend' of mine would lock me up or smack me upside the head for "dropping my common sense with my clothes".

I know absolutely nothing about you and I do mean nothing... you offer no photographs and no references..... But at least it'll all be done in an hour!?!

[MitchC]

I hope I don't "biased". I've been a member of sites like this for over a decade, and,. while I have certainly had PM's I've sent ignored at times, I never sent one like the one you mentioned.

Personally, I think the person you mentioned is far too forward. I prefer to get to know someone, their interests, and how they got into the lifestyle.. know them as a person first.. before engaging in such sexual conversation.

That having been said, what you do is personal choice. At the least: I would request that the person who sent you that, get to know you as a person first.

Just my opinion. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

[Mrs-Sett {Kuve}]

Ultimately this is your decision but, as you say who is this? What are they offering submission to me comes within a loving relationship, you want to just have sex then fine, but for me bdsm is more, providing more for both parties that are involved.

I would question the motive behind this and the speed, to meet in a stereotypical romantic place is kinda misleading for me, to abandon your knickers ok fair enough carry a spare but I could take this as acceptance they would be discarded.

Considering the available information this person has thought this through and sounds extremely keen to meet, so then work through it, prove the worth before you commit, others could suggest go for it. Just be sure of your choice and stay safe. But be happy and enjoy.

So in answer to your question, sorry cliché ask questions of this person.

Sett

[skittish doe]

You've exchanged PM's with this person for three days, and now they are pressing to meet in such a manner? Call me old fashioned, but this does not deserve your reply at all. You asked for opinions, mine is that this 'request' from the stranger has "red flag" written all over it.

Stay safe, please. There are much, much safer ways to meet. Beginning with not rushing into anything. Do take care.

[sinead]

Thanks for the reply guys and gals, I appreciate it. I genuinely though I was being a little too harsh when I was writing this letter and in no way wanted to encourage him to continue this with me. I naively thought I was saying 'not on your life mate' instead apparently I was saying 'umm ok but only if I get to know you a bit better first'....

I guess I was going for the more subtle 'ladylike' approach of asking ~ was he in the whole of his health if he thought I was going to meet with a compete stranger and then just hand him my under ware? While I've no problems meeting someone getting to know them /trust them and then giving up control... Meeting a complete stranger and giving him any notion that he's the one in control scares the living hell out of me! After some consideration and reading your responses I decided to just ignore the guy. You never know who's at the end of a keyboard and I don't want to piss off the wrong nutter and become a statistic!!

[Djbillson]

If you do not feel it is the right time to meet and give an act of submissive do not do it. I understand the need to know someone and to feel safe before anything in the bedroom starts, I'm that way with just vanilla sex. Safety first always.

There is another saying, "different strokes for different folks" I do not want to defend who ever PM'ed you but offer a possible different point of view again be safe, you want to introduce yourself with coffee and know someone first, sort of like start vanilla and work up, this might be his way of introduction or something he wants to do start the date off with some kick. You did mention "As hot as that reads" so this does look like it interest you. I think you should PM him back and let him know you need a personal connection first you can always do an act of submission later. He will either offer to meet you for a vanilla date and take time to know you, or he is probably not the time of Dom you are looking for and then you ignore him or let him know your not his type to avoid stalkers. Again safety meet in public have his picture so you know who to look for if that is what you feel you need to have.

[lorem angelum]

I agree with everyone else, I had someone I was talking to when I first joined wanted to run my whole life after about 2hrs. of talking. I guess he thought "new" meant "stupid". I think whether it is a "vanilla" relationship or a BDSM on it is all about one thing, trust. You have to know someone more to give parts of yourself up to them in either type. If he is really interested and you ask him for more time, he will give it to you. If not then I say good riddance, but one thing I have learned in my life is ALWAYS listen to your gut instincts. If if feels wrong it probably is, but I don't wish you all the luck in the world, Be safe.

[lorem angelum]

That would be I WISH you all the luck in the world. Stupid typo!