Online Sub Role?

[Mita512]

I was just recently asked by a guy online if I was interested in being an online sub. I've heard about online masters/subs stuff like this but never really thought about it.

Ok...so here are my stupid questions:

How is this online thing suppose to work? I mean, does the master tell the sub what to do through instant messaging? How can the sub be punished if the master isn't physically with the sub? Do you need a web cam for this?

Also, since I'm dating someone, do you think it would be considered cheating if I engaged in this with someone else?

Thanks.

[Caine]

I was just recently asked by a guy online if I was interested in being an online sub. I've heard about online masters/subs stuff like this but never really thought about it.

Ok...so here are my stupid questions:

How is this online thing suppose to work? I mean, does the master tell the sub what to do through instant messaging?

Yes the dominant controls the submissive via IM or email.


How can the sub be punished if the master isn't physically with the sub?

Most people tend to think of punishment in the physical sense (spanking, etc. . .) but there are many other ways; writing assignments and denial of pleasures are two that come to mind. Although you can do physical punishment over the net, you just have to be creative. ;)


Do you need a web cam for this?

While that is a nice addition and does help, it isn't required. Many online dominants insist on it to make sure the submissive is actually doing what she is told, but I have always felt that if the submissive wants this life and isn't following through then she is only cheating herself from the experience so I don't worry about it.

[Barton]

As Caine said, that is pretty much the way we do it over at ST.

As for cheating, that would depend on how you have defined your relationship with your boyfriend. If it is a closed relationship, then yes it would be considered cheating. If you have an open one, then no.

[slo18]

the only thing I can say is be honest with this guy does he know u are in an irl relationship, if u are really worried it might be cheating ask your irl if its ok with him if u play online. make sure the online person understands that the irl relationship comes first. u dont want them telling u that u cant have sex, and then your irl saying lets have sex.

[slavelucy]

Hiya Mita,


I was just recently asked by a guy online if I was interested in being an online sub.

Right, first up, whether or not you like the sound of the responses you get to your post (i.e. like the sound of an o/l DS relationship), i would still strongly recommend giving the 'guy' himself and his offer some thought. You don't mention where you met him etc, but try and get to know a bit about him and his expectations of the relationship, what he's into etc first. If there's nothing in common and no rapport, it rapidly becomes obvious even quicker online than it does in real life, IMO.

Onto your questions (which are not stupid at all btw):


How is this online thing suppose to work? I mean, does the master tell the sub what to do through instant messaging?

Yes, the relationship (be that instructions, an online scene or just chatting) is usually done via email and or/instant messaging.


How can the sub be punished if the master isn't physically with the sub?

Oh, crikey, lots of ways! Physical pain (pegs etc etc etc), humiliation, deprivation of stuff (be that pleasure/orgasms or something the sub likes to do). i'm gonna include some links to some existing threads about online punishments that many doms have contributed to, which will hopefully give you some idea of what some people do and/or what to expect.


Do you need a web cam for this?

Depends, some people use them, some people don't. Some people start out not using them and then go onto use one. i think if the relationship went on a long time then a webcam would probably be introduced eventually, but i would be suspicious of any dominant who demanded i used a webcam when we'd first commenced a relationship online. In addition, i don't think a webcam should be used to 'check' that someone is doing something. In my experience, webcams actually improve the 'chatting' experience as opposed to the DS/sexual experience, in the sense that you can see someone laugh etc.



Also, since I'm dating someone, do you think it would be considered cheating if I engaged in this with someone else?

Ahhh, now, that's a whole different question. The practicalities of the cyber world are much easier to pin down that the ethical considerations! This is gonna sound like such a cop out, but generally speaking i wouldn't consider a strictly online DS relationship that isn't taking up a great deal of your time to be cheating (although i'd advise you to tell the dominant that you are involved with someone in r/l right from the start)...BUT, as improbable as it probably feels right now, it is possible to start to feel very attached to someone online, especially when you're submitting to them and further especially if it's your first submissive experience...so, always be aware that you MAY find yourself spending more time with or thinking about the online person than r/l and you MAY find yourself wanting to meet up or something. Like i said, probably sounds ridiculous right now, but never say never.

Sorry, i'm probably scaring ya now, it's just that the cheating question is such a complex one....is a person cheating when they IM with someone? Is someone cheating when they RP? Or is it only cheating when they're doing something physical? Sometimes i wonder if it's cheating on the basis of not wanting to tell the r/l person about it. Not sure.

Right, anyway, i dug out some links you may be interested in:

Online Relationships (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=562& )

First time online training (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1786&)

Online Vs RL (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2116) (Includes some good posts stating the pro's of online relationships)

Online Punishments (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=480)

Online Punishments (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1684 )

In terms of the sorts of punishments people engage in online, you may also find many ideas in other threads, that didn't start spefically about punishment in distance relationships, but would certainly provide food for thought! (such as orgasm deprivation, body writing etc).

Anyway, hope this is all helpful to you and goodluck with whatever you decide to do, you can always come and ask any more questions here and we'll try to answer 'em! :)

sl

[Mita512]

thanks everyone for the responses. i decided not to pursue the online sub/dom thing right now after realizing that i want to do it for the wrong reasons.

i'll keep everyone's advice in mind, however, if i pick it up in the future.

[Master Jack's pet]

if you interested in learning more about online D/s relationships, i moderate a yahoo group specifically regarding this.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/A_Different_Reality/

and yes, they can be real and committed relationships depending upon the people involved.