Is Kink inborn or can it be learned?

[oneslave4me]

I thought this might be a good topic for discussion. DH and I have this discussion frequently.

DH has known he's kinky since pre-puberty. He has memories of begging his brother to tie him up as a child. Kind of like always wanting to be the indian when playing cowboys and indians. He's always been turned on by the dark and twisted. Plenty of whacking as a 13 yo to some twisted horror movie or some such thing. Being kinky is part of who he is. And having always felt different, he's a little ashamed of it.

I, on the other hand, love it like having chocolate sauce, walnuts and whipped cream on vanilla ice cream. Sure vanilla ice cream is good by itself, but why not have all the good gooey stuff with it. But, w/o DH or some other guide, I don't think I'd have stumbled into kink on my own. But, I'm kind of proud of being kinky. I like having that secret between DH and I.

DH feels I'll never be as good a dom/sub/switch as he is or wants because I wasn't born that way. It's a constant source of sadness and frustration to him. He loves me and always will and he knows I've improved greatly, but it can cause a lot of friction as well.

Thoughts and comments?

[duktig flicka]

I study biopsych (like neurology, except not medicine-related), so I've thought about this question a lot. In short, the question can't be answered until it has been empircally studied, which nobody has come even close to doing yet. However, we can theorize about it.

I should say that if someone has been kinky since pre-puberty, that means absolutely nothing. A baby's experiences within the first year can mold their behaviour for life.

From what I've learned thusfar, I must say I'd be extremely surprised if evidence arose that kinkiness was genetic. I actually suspect that many (most?) cases of kinkiness come from some sort abuse or at least involuntary power exchange in the past. This doesn't mean that it is bad or less special or that you should be ashamed of it. I also doubt it would explain every case of kinkiness. There are a multitude of ways that bdsm could be explained psychologically, so there's little need to fall back onto a gene theory unless there's actually evidence either way.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Since it's completely impossible to prove one way or the other, one can only speculate as to the "Inate vs. Learned" debate about BDSM and kink proclivity.

Unfortunately, the human genome map is still years and years away. So the discovery of the "BDSM gene" or lack thereof may have to wait until our grandchildrens' time to be proven. :)

[esclava]

I think he's splitting hairs. What does it matter when you began to enjoy the kink, as long as you do now? If it's pleasurable to both of you, THAT's the good part.