ok nother odd thread

[slo18]

I am normaly submissive dureing sex as I posted in the other post my fuck buddy came by last night, and it was all good. but he said something that got me thinking. I said to him " tell me what u would like me to do " and he replied "have u ever fantisised about me? do what u fatisised about doing" well hell I fantisied about being tied spread eagle , and ice and hot wax were involved. now then rods replie to that was he cant do it he cant cause pain dureing sex. to witch I amnow thinking that that is horse pucky cause the man bites like a starveing vampire! anyways getting off point here. I get the feeling he would like me to be more incharge and more athoritave and i dont even know where to begin. anyone have any sugestions for a fish out of water?

[charlestudor]

sounds like he has a latent sub side to him. as a sub myself, i would hope someone would start with binding my legs and arms--just so i couldn't object too much. and since i have fantasies regarding cbt, i would hope someone would take my cock and balls and give them a good working over. or put them in a chastity cage. or fuck me in the ass. hopefully, all this would make me aroused beyond belief and i would spontaneously cum. then you could make me clean it up--with only my tongue. :D

ct

[Sir Lanceloth]

id say start simple, try tying him up, blindfolding and then just give him a massage (dont forget the intimate parts hehe). Simply start out having fun! No need to bring out a ton of tools, use your hands and feets! also you could simply order him to kneel before you, and then walk around him enjoying the sight. Or simply order him to touch you at certain places you enjoy a lot.

Id say that the thing about dominating one for the first time really is about answering the question: what do i like? what makes me feal good? when these have been answered, talk about it with the sub to become. Now these things can be as simple as: i like it when he kisses me there, or i like it when he looks up at me when he does... etc. And then there is only the last topic: doing it!

Also remember, its allright to say: this isnt really me can we try something else? remember this is supposed to be an good time, take it slow have fun and enjoy each others bodies as much as possible :)

[Ranai]

Excellent advice here already. Good idea to start exploring domination without outer accessories. You don’t need them. You merely need the intent to be in charge and his willingness to submit. Actually he has hit the nail on the head by asking about your wishes. If you are interested in doing it, within the framework of your rules, subject to his consent, you decide what happens.

A thing that can put you both in the mood: You give him orders. Instead of asking him to do something, you tell him what to do. No ‘please’, no ‘perhaps’, no ‘could you...’. Just instructions. (I have felt our respective dominance and submission rush over us by simply saying ‘Look at me’ and being obeyed.) Whether you use a friendly or a cold tone: you decide. It depends on what mode of dominance you feel like entering at that moment.

Experiment with distance and closeness.
You decide which parts of your bodies touch and when.
You decide which position he is to assume and hold. You decide when he is to change it.
You can order him to hold an uncomfortable or vulnerable position. Possibly while pleasuring you in some way. Or alone, waiting for you, at the beginning of your time together, to let him enter deeply into the submissive mood.

You decide where his hands go:
On your breasts to sensually caress them.
Behind his neck and out of your way, to expose his torso to your eyes and hands.
Gripping his ankles, standing and bending over. Or lying on his back, holding his legs apart for you.
Flat against the wall so that you have full access to everything. Goes well with a ‘Spread your legs.’
Clasped behind his back.
Turned up between his shoulder blades, to reinforce that his body is now at your mercy and at your disposal.
In whatever position you choose, on your clitoris and into your depths to stimulate you at the pace you order, and as long as you want. ‘And again!’
On his cock to wank off kneeling before you. Goes well with the ‘Now lick it all up!’ idea charlestudor mentions.

Experiment with symbolic positions and actions. Would you like to...
...have him greet you by kissing your hand?
...have him prostrate himself before you and lick your feet?
...have him serve you as your bath slave, fill the tub, measure the temperature to make sure it's just the way you like it, shampoo your hair, hold your towel, dry you off, brush your hair?
...grab him by the balls and lead him to the bed?

If you enjoy cunnilingus (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2967) , taking charge is probably a nice occasion to teach him something about the ways you like it. (Learning your preferences this way will probably also come in useful on occasions when he takes a dominant role.) Try out different positions. Tell him what you want: ‘More – higher up – slow down – deeper – stop. ........ And again.’

Same thing for vaginal sex: You say when and how. You choose the position. You direct the pace. An interesting variety: Tell him to hold still and contract your vaginal muscles repeatedly around his cock. The reactions can be fun to watch and listen to.

If you like getting anal sex, same thing. He is your servant. He services you as you please and when you please.

If you’d like to experiment with stimulating his anal pleasure centres, see here (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3408) .

If you enjoy giving him oral sex, you have lots of fun options too. You could start very slowly with just a touch here and there and draw it out endlessly, bringing him close and stopping again, repeatedly, much to his frustration, until he begs you to finish him off. Try, for example, sitting on the edge of the bed, while he stands in front of you with his hands on his head, not to be taken down until you allow it. Or have him lie flat on his back with his legs spread wide for easy access.

You can sit comfortably in a chair, sipping the drink he served you, while he lies on his back on the floor before you, stretched out in all his beauty. His hands out of the way of course, above his head. One of your feet, between his legs, plays with his balls and nudges his back entrance. The other foot, on top of him, massages his cock.

If he is interested in experiencing discomfort and pain from your hands:
Bite, if there’s a starving vampire or a wolf inside you too.
Flick your middle finger right against that sensitive spot.
Pinch. Pull. Squeeze. Twist.
Scratch with your nails.
Grip his hair to roughly direct him where you want to have him. (Provided it’s long enough. If he has a total buzz cut, he might be interested in growing it just a little to give you something to grip.)

Please remember to ask for feedback: What did he like?
And to give feedback. It’s probably nice for him to hear afterwards that in his submission he is a handsome, charming, attentive, desirable, incredibly sexy man. If anything he did or said in particular appealed to your dominant feelings, let him know. So that he knows some options which are likely to invite you into this mood again...

It seems that some couples who switch like to plan beforehand who is going to be in charge. Others, it appears, like to go with the flow. Or even switch back and forth within a scene, if this option has been agreed upon. Though you probably shouldn’t switch inside a scene while you are still new at dominating him, and he is new at exploring submission. You’ll probably both need some time to find your personal style. Just try out whatever appeals to you, and see how it works for the two of you.

And as Sir Lanceloth says, whenever you don’t feel like doing the dominance thing, you just say ‘Nah. Not today.’ or: ‘I’d really prefer you to be in charge today.’ (Of course, he might try to charm it out of you anyway by dropping to his knees and saying ‘.........’)

Toys and restraints and such stuff could be added later, if anything takes your fancy.
Enjoy. :)

[Mad Lews]

I am normaly submissive dureing sex as I posted in the other post my fuck buddy came by last night, and it was all good. but he said something that got me thinking. I said to him " tell me what u would like me to do " and he replied "have u ever fantisised about me? do what u fatisised about doing" well hell I fantisied about being tied spread eagle , and ice and hot wax were involved. now then rods replie to that was he cant do it he cant cause pain dureing sex. to witch I amnow thinking that that is horse pucky cause the man bites like a starveing vampire! anyways getting off point here. I get the feeling he would like me to be more incharge and more athoritave and i dont even know where to begin. anyone have any sugestions for a fish out of water?
Hi slo18,
Just another odd thought. Maybe this wasn't an invitation to go all Domish upon the dear lad. I mean I wasn't there and didn't hear the conversation other than second hand but it seems to me he might just want you to take a bit more active (though possibly submissive) role in the sexual aspects of your relation.
I mean some subs can take passive to extremes and a fellow just might be looking for you to do things to him rather than having sex be something that's done to you. In any event a bit more conversation might be in order before we break out the figurative (or not) whips and chains.
On the other hand if that's something you're interested in.... :dunno:
well just make sure your all on the same page.
Yours
Mad Lews

[Ranai]

Well said, Mad. As mentioned above, ‘If you are interested in doing it’ and ‘subject to his consent’ and ‘It’s allright to say: this isn’t really me, can we try something else?’

slo18, should you and your man turn out not to be interested in any ideas accumulated in this thread, well – somebody else might. That’s the nice thing about this being a public forum.

So what did he say? What are your interests? Is it all still a big question mark? Is it more ‘active submissive’ ideas you are looking for?

[slo18]

I thought to that maybe he just wanted me to be more active, lol but after I had posted that post. willa dmit that I often use message boards that I am member on to work things out in my head with feed back but isnt that part of why a great many of us are here? it just really threw me for a loop ya know? because I dont normaly get remarks like that especaly dureing sex when my hands are free I am touching and carressing and kissing and licking anything I can reach :) like I said it just really threw me and I do apreciate all your ideas even if they dont come in handy with Rod they might come in handy some other time with some other guy. the whole idea of takeing a more dom role in sex though makes me feel verry fish out of water.