How do I begin with her?

[vincent]

Firstly hi, this is my first post here and hopefully not the last, I really need some help but just don't know where to turn.

Ok I'll have to start from the top so bare with me!, 2 months ago I met my current girlfriend, she's slightly older than me and clearly much more sexually experienced than me.

Anyway to cut a long and boring story short I have found that she REALLY likes is to be submissive during sex and so far I have only held her down in by her hands and neck in various positions because I just don't know what else to do.

I realise now that she not only does she want to be tied up, but also and more importantly she craves being told what to do and to receive pain.

I too enjoy pain especially being bitten hard around my neck/shoulders which she does in the most amasing way ever!!!
My problem is I've never done anything like this before and as keen as I am I'm lost as to what I should do or not do or how to keep it sexy.

The things that I seem to be struggling with most are,

What to do to her when she's tied up, other than just screwing her???

What orders to give her and how to speak to her firmly?

How to tie her up etc

What different ways can I give her the type of exquisite pain she'll enjoy?

How use suspence to heighten her arousal?

As you can tell this is wrecking my head and I'm concearned she may loose interest if I don't come up with some ideas soon!

I did have a bit of an idea for a scenario but I'll post it later....

please help
-Vincent

[Nikita]

I'm quite the novice here. But, most of these masters, switches, and subs got their education some where. Perhaps there is a class or support group for newbies...Well? Let us in on it people...

Nik

[orchidsoul]

Hiya Vincent and welcome :)

I'm pretty new too to d/s, but I have general experience in what you're wondering about!

As far as bondage, there are some great sites out there. Google bondage, or search in here and you will find plenty. Before I found sites though, I just wrapped and rolled, so to say. Check into the breast bondage thread too for cautionary tips.

I like breast bondage very much which can lead to alls sorts of exciting teasing and pain playgrounds. One very good teasing method is the focusing on every part of her body other than where you are creating the biggest stir :) Pegs/clothespins/clamps on the nipples add a pain sensation if you don't have any other "official" toys like crops or floggers. They can also be applied to her labia/clit(but that's seriously painful to some). There's also nothing like your hand pinching and twisting... nails scratching... teeth biting.

Again, stay away from her dripping areas for a while and you will surely achieve teasing, and most likely begging.

If you want suspense, you could blindfold her so she doesn't know what's happening.

Tie her legs or arms apart if you have a poster bed. Even if you don't, if your rope length is long enough, tie her hand then send the rope under the bed to the other side and tie off that arm. She still won't be able to move very far! Same applies to legs. This also leaves her very open and vulnerable to you....allowing you to have your way with her.

For command, whatever you want her to do, just be very clear as to what you expect and that inherently is commanding. Some people may like "open up slut so I can fuck your mouth" while others may prefer "beg me to allow you to suck my cock" and everything in between. Order her on her knees, or in whatever postition you desire. Tell her she is not allowed to cum without permission. Those are just a few ideas. I'm sure others will have some good ideas too.

The build up. If you make her wait long enough for your cock, she's most likely going to be salivating in anticipation!

I'm not sure what you're both into, but you could force oral upon her, call her dirty names, spank her, peg her, tie her up, tease her, blindfold her, flog her, drip hot wax on her, handcuff her, use dildos/vibrators/toys on her, anal sex and fuck her every which way sideways.

You may want to have a set of safe words for her that indicates slow down, or stop just in case it's too much if you go down the road of pain exploration especially.

I look forward to hearing your scenario as it will help us gauge what you're interested in a little better.

Have fun and good luck :) Relax and let your mind wander to her body that will be YOUR playground... it will all come together.

orchidsoul

[wendya]

HUBBA HUBBA OS you rock. everything sounds lovely no wonder i love being a sub... :D

And good luck Vincent Enjoy all the wonderful new experiences. ;)

[vincent]

WOW! thanks for the fantastic reply Orchid, that really has helped me so much!, she'll be in for a real treat next time I see her thanks to you, what areas should I concentrate on with the pegs/wax/scratching etc? and can someone give me the basics on using her favorite dildo on her do I insert it into her or use it to focus on her clit more?

[tabuk]

My Hubby n I have just ventured into this area and we're going slow and exprimeting. We've actually ended up laughing do hard we've been crying when thigns have gone slightly in the wrong direction.

We've found the experimental aproach very exciting and we are just trying all sorts of things out. This is how I feel about it, but I dont want to rush into something and my hubby wants to gain confidence. So we just started out with a simple leg tie. Yeah i know some will yawn and say ... oh for goodness sake try something more challenging than that..... but thats the pace it started off at and thats the pace we are both comfortable with.

You asked about where to use your girlfirends favourite dildo ... why not try using it in both places. Experiment, there is no hard or fast direction in which to go. We started off by downlaoding a scene negotiation list or limit list as they are called. Put down what you are willing to receive and give and get her to do the same. Dont do it together though. When finished compare and talk about your answers. Its great to know how far your partner will go and what turns her off.

One idea is to command her to use the dildo herself and watch what she does :) ... see where she likes to put it.
Get her to dance for you [if thats your thing] and get her to incorporate the dildo as an object in that dance.

Do one of the limit setting lists such as the examples here
http://ds-arts.com/academy/index.html
http://www.westom.com/leather/play_partner_checklist.htm
http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/newchecklist/printerfriendly.php3?desc=yes&list=1

there are actually loads of them .. do a search through goggle and you will find plenty............
They really let you get to see a lil of what each other like and dislike.

[Blue_Monday]

Tabuk, your idea of having her use the dildo is great...

In fact, you might have her masturbate for you. You can get comfy and order her to get naked, lie down, and touch herself. You just watch, enjoy, and perhaps guide her--tell her to squeeze her breasts, or to open up her pussy lips. But if she can bring herself to orgasm, just watch how she does it.

Also, this should put you both in a good D/s mindset. She'll be vulnerable and maybe a little embarrassed, and getting turned on by obeying you; you'll be enjoying her performance without having to give anything back (for the moment).

Woo hoo!

[orchidsoul]

can someone give me the basics on using her favorite dildo on her do I insert it into her or use it to focus on her clit more?

both!! tease her with it... mercilessly... until she really can't take anymore and is going to explode. Then, you let her cum!

Also, Tabuk's idea is great too for all the reasons stated.

Either way, it's a win/win for everyone involved :)

Glad my previous post was helpful and wendya, thanks for the smile!

[SirW]

The whole key to a good BDSM or D/s relationship, as in any successful relationship, is communication, trust and respect.
If you have not talked to Her about all the things you are writing then you need to start. You might wish to peruse a site together or read a book togehter and then discuss it.
One of the most common mistakes a Dom can make is feel that they hav eto have all the answers, they must plan everything, and the sub needs for them to be told everything.
You two need to talk, alot. Before scening, during, if appropriate, and for sure, after. Then talk some more. Then some more, and I think you are getting the picture.
I have been in this lifestyle for over 10 years, with my submissive for 6 and I clearly don't know everything there is to know. I learn something here most everytime I come on. I ask questions of others, and my submissive and just go at my own speed.

Trust- obviously a key component and one you already have a bit in that she is letting you tie her up. But don't be afraid to discuss things and ask if you can try this or that before going ahead and doing it. Especially if it is something going beyond a limit you may have previously had.

Respect- Too many novice Doms think that a sub is nothing because she or him chooses to be submissive. Be respectful of each other and your choices and you two will grow together.

Also, if she seems to be demanding more than you can safely give her, SLOW DOWN. Stop if you have to and talk. NEVER do something you aren't sure of, even if the sub says it will be fine. That is howmost accidents and injuries happen.

If you get to the point you feel comfortable with each other and can go public so to speak, try to attend a BDSM Conference. Then are several all around the country and Canada of various sizes. They are a wealth of information, but mostly a chance to see others doing what you love to participate in.

Let me know what SPECIFIC things I vcan help you with, either in this forum or through email.

One thing you do need to tlak about right away is kinky sex versus Dominance/submission.



SirW