PDA

View Full Version : Advice, resources?



His_Wife
11-08-2005, 02:49 PM
Greetings. *smile*

My husband and I have been slowly but surely incorporating more and more BDSM elements into our lifestyle and we've sort of reached a point where he, as my Dom, has run out of role models. I wouldn't say we're "newbies", exactly, but we have never been part of "the scene" so in that sense we're pretty clueless.

One area he has identified as something he wishes to work on is just his overall demeanor. He is by nature a very quiet and unassuming person, but I am rather loud and brash and require a bit more firmness than he naturally posesses. We have talked about small things...such as instead of asking me if I want to perform some act; he should either just tell me to do it, grab my hair/rope/chain and make me do it, or if he wants to hear me talk about it order me to beg for it. The question gives me an option, and breaks the flow for both of us.

It is small things like this that he would like to polish up, so that I never am snapped out of my submission.

It is nice that this is mutual for us...he wishes to dominate me, and I wish to submit to him. Delight!

He suggested that I read several BDSM "how-to" books and BDSM fantasy novels and select some that would be good for him to read. (I am a fast reader and he is a busy man) But I am afraid I will remember too well what was in the books and recognize his words/actions as being from the book and again be snapped out of the scene. He agrees this may be a problem.

So, I thought maybe the good folks here could help me. *smile* Can anybody recommend books or DVD's featuring some "good" domination scenes that may help give him some ideas and techniques?

I had my first "golden shower" this past weekend and it pleased my Husband very much, he says I must learn to cheerfully drink his piss from my own dog bowl which he will be giving me as a present before the end of the year. It pleases me to please him so if you have resources relating directly to Piss Whore training that would be perfect as I have much to learn before I please him properly.

(He dictated that last paragraph after I read this post to him for approval, but said I could at least tell you HE made me say it since this is my first post here and I don't want to sound like too much of a freak. Yes, he enjoys humiliating me quite a bit. *blushing*)

That is another thing I may as well ask about now that I'm beet red anyway...we are looking to purchase a cage for me, but do not have a lot of space to store something like that (it will have to fold and slide under the bed), and also not a TON of money to spend. The cage needs only be big enough for me to be on my hands and knees and able to turn around in. We have looked at inexpensive dog kennel type cages but the openings aren't large enough for my husband to have proper access to me. Can anybody recommend a good site that may stock such a thing for a good price? Most importantly it must be sturdy yet foldable...we can budget and save up if it is expensive. I am just wary of spending a lot on something that turns out to be not very useful.

Thank you *smile*

MrJerseyGuy
11-10-2005, 07:48 PM
You should consider making your own cage. A few 2 x 4's and screws would do it. You could pick your size and build it for next to nothing. I just recently put together a dungeon in our attic that cost almost nothing to build. A few I-bolts and some rope and a few chains and you're in business.

Ruby
11-12-2005, 07:54 PM
Welcome His_Wife,

If your seeking online videos, then Hogtied and it's new sister site Sex and Submission has some excellent scenes.

http://www.sexandsubmission.com/
http://www.hogtied.com/

Mobius started a thread awhile back:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2004
that may prove helpful in your quest.

To your success,

Ruby

Ruby
11-14-2005, 01:08 PM
Update to my last post: Both of the sites I mentioned link to an online store with BDSM DVD's that have categories you may be interested in.

somewriter
11-16-2005, 03:52 PM
One area he has identified as something he wishes to work on is just his overall demeanor. He is by nature a very quiet and unassuming person, but I am rather loud and brash and require a bit more firmness than he naturally posesses. We have talked about small things...such as instead of asking me if I want to perform some act; he should either just tell me to do it, grab my hair/rope/chain and make me do it, or if he wants to hear me talk about it order me to beg for it. The question gives me an option, and breaks the flow for both of us.

I must admit, I have a similar problem. Much as I enjoy the dom aspect (I'm a switch, I do both), I'm too "nice" to be very convincing at it! I think a lot of the confidence will come from practice and experience. You can help to try and bring out his dominant desires by inspiring him - if resisting him will make him shout at you, maybe that is a good way to encourage him to be firmer. Or maybe that doesn't work so well, and you should be as obedient as possible in order to instill confidence that he can tell you to do whatever he wants.

learningtopleez
11-16-2005, 09:33 PM
I must admit, I have a similar problem. Much as I enjoy the dom aspect (I'm a switch, I do both), I'm too "nice" to be very convincing at it! I think a lot of the confidence will come from practice and experience. You can help to try and bring out his dominant desires by inspiring him - if resisting him will make him shout at you, maybe that is a good way to encourage him to be firmer. Or maybe that doesn't work so well, and you should be as obedient as possible in order to instill confidence that he can tell you to do whatever he wants.

Hi somewriter!

Not trying to pick on you luv...and you did use the words "if" and "maybe," but shouting at someone doesn't make them Dominant imho....it just means they like to yell at you. Or it could even turn into verbal abuse if done regularly.

I personally think...and lord knows I don't have a lot of experience, but I feel that a Dominant can let you know something with just a look or a soft spoken word. You also mentioned that you are not good at being Dominant because you are too "nice." I think that a good Dominant is very nice. I also think he can be romantic, caring, and kind.

Am I totally wrong on this subbie friends??:confused: Please clue me in if I am!:eek:

Ruby
11-16-2005, 10:18 PM
I feel that a Dominant can let you know something with just a look or a soft spoken word. You also mentioned that you are not good at being Dominant because you are too "nice." I think that a good Dominant is very nice. I also think he can be romantic, caring, and kind.


Well said, LTP. I prefer those traits to many others.

learningtopleez
11-17-2005, 12:23 AM
Well said, LTP. I prefer those traits to many others.


Well thank you Ruby sug...so do I...an occasional growl, or just a good, hard spanking does me good too, but if the Dom has the aforementioned traits to go along with it...it makes for some wonderful aftercare! ;)

pejanon
11-17-2005, 07:27 AM
Hi,

I want to support 'no shouting' option. Actually, for me it isn't an option. Once shouting/yelling starts - Doming ends. What starts is: opening for ALL kinds abuse - I hope we're NOT talking about that.

I never shout in play - and often joke, even laugh.

As a sub (yes, I am switch) - yell at me - and you lost me.
If need for shouting arises - go to rock concert, together. Or something else that fits your sensibility.

His_Wife, maybe he should engage is some non/play activities that will force him to exercise dominant trait? And DO build the cage. Building it would be excellent exercise.

(Note: rising voice in controlled manner and being firm is NOT shouting. Neither is growling, LTP :p )
S/he must exercise willpower - any physical coercion follows... awww I am so romantic


Just an opinion

Romantic Pej


oh - and aftercare goes without saying.;)

His_Wife
11-17-2005, 03:24 PM
Oh yes...no, he would not ever yell at me. He doesn't even yell at me when he's angry at me, heh.

Me disobeying just make him let me off the hook, lol. Sometimes all I have to do is make an "ick" face or act reluctant and he backs off. What fun is that? *smile* Personally I would prefer he have very exacting standards for my behavior and demand perfect obedience...which I have expressed to him, and he likes that idea too ;).

He is improving rapidly though...it seems our recent conversations have emboldened him quite a bit. *yay* I made "ick" faces like crazy last night and he didn't back off for a long time. That made us both happy!

I know he is conflicted...I think all our years together as equal partners is making this transition a little...hmmm...."not intuitive" for him. *smile* In daily life, we remain equal partners...but when it comes to sex I just want to please him in any crazy kinky way he can come up with! (I like to tease him about this and tell him he's got a terribly difficult life and a boring wife, hehe)

Thank you everybody, for your advice. I shall peruse the provided links. *smile*

learningtopleez
11-18-2005, 01:40 AM
(Note: rising voice in controlled manner and being firm is NOT shouting. Neither is growling, LTP :p )
S/he must exercise willpower - any physical coercion follows... awww I am so romantic


Just an opinion

Romantic Pej


oh - and aftercare goes without saying.;)


Awwwww you ARE a romantic Pejanon! And it's nice to know that there are other romantics out there besides me!

It's also good to know that growling and being firm is acceptable!:p

learningtopleez
11-18-2005, 01:43 AM
He is improving rapidly though...it seems our recent conversations have emboldened him quite a bit. *yay* I made "ick" faces like crazy last night and he didn't back off for a long time. That made us both happy!


Glad to here he is cumming along with being more bold with you His_Wife! Yay for both of you!!:)