ok need help

[Lavender]

me and my boyfriend, are not new to this sence, but are not very experanced at it, I would like any tips on being a misstress. We dont have much room in our room and we live with other people so its quite hard for us to get time to do it, we have whips and gags ect, but i would like some other ideas on what to do with him, im not that intressed in bdsm but he is and i belive that he wishs we do it more often but i dont , is there a way inwhich we can combine bdsm and sex. i try to do things which he likes but i not lose consintration but forget what i was trying to do then i just cant think what else to do, can any1 give me any tips that would be great thanks

[Ruby]

Hi Lavender,

BDSM isn't only about the whips and chains, it's about so many aspects both mental and physical.

The first thing you might want to do is find out what turns you both on? What part of BDSM does he really want more of? What about you?

Talk your way or write your way through one of the many checklists on the net. There's one in my signature that you can use.

The more you each know about each other's fantasies and turn ons, the more fun playtime will be.

You can easily combine BDSM and sex. Don't be worried if one leads to another or they take place simultaneously. To many rules can damper your fun.

If you're in the role of domme, mistress or top, then know what you want out of him. Set up a few guidelines for him to follow and modify as necessary.

Do a bit of homework. There's lots of great books on the market that may help.

It's okay that you don't want to do this 24/7 or even all the time in the bedroom. That you are willing to do this to please your partner is fantastic.

What is he willing to do to please you? Have fun answering that question.

To your success,

Ruby

[Barton]

Ruby seems to have covered things quite well. You are the top so it is up to you to decide what you want out of your submissive. With my slave I use both the "whips and chains" aspect as well as the mental one. I would set up a few ground rules for his behavior, keep them few and keep them simple.

Write them down. The idea of doing a BDSM questionaire is also a good way to find out what both of you like and do not like.

Most of all, remember that a BDSM relationship is not a static one. You both will need to communicate what you want out of it. And most of all be willing to adjust things as you find you need to.

I know that this is a spot for "questions for a mistriss" but many aspects of a BDSM relationship are shared by both a mistriss and a master.

[Lavender]

see the thing is i dont want to be in an bdsm relationship i just want an normal one but if i have to do this stuff then i have to, i just want to know how i can enjoy it as well

[TheThinMan]

see the thing is i dont want to be in an bdsm relationship i just want an normal one but if i have to do this stuff then i have to, i just want to know how i can enjoy it as well
If that's the only attitude with which you approach topping, I'd suggest explaining to your boyfriend that you simply aren't cut out for it. The entire point of a Domme is that she is the one in control. She sets the scene. She gives the orders and makes sure that those orders are obeyed. In the fantasy, when she grants others their fantasies, it's a coincidence or an uncharacteristic show of extreme generosity.

It sounds like you already have a pretty decent idea of what your boyfriend wants, but the question is "What do you want?" Ponder that long and hard, and don't get stuck in the rut of chains, whips, and leather. Anything goes. If having another person as a pet, slave, servant, or plaything figures nowhere into your fantasies, it's time to just concede that topping isn't for you.

[Lavender]

If that's the only attitude with which you approach topping, I'd suggest explaining to your boyfriend that you simply aren't cut out for it. The entire point of a Domme is that she is the one in control. She sets the scene. She gives the orders and makes sure that those orders are obeyed. In the fantasy, when she grants others their fantasies, it's a coincidence or an uncharacteristic show of extreme generosity.

It sounds like you already have a pretty decent idea of what your boyfriend wants, but the question is "What do you want?" Ponder that long and hard, and don't get stuck in the rut of chains, whips, and leather. Anything goes. If having another person as a pet, slave, servant, or plaything figures nowhere into your fantasies, it's time to just concede that topping isn't for you.

thanks for that ive tried expaling this to many of times but he seams in way to be inoring what i say i try to accomadate his feelings though, thanks for your post