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VP7
03-07-2006, 11:07 PM
I'm a 40 something female biz person. Parted with my husband of 19 years a little over a year ago. Somewhat limited on participation, as I work a great deal and travel some for work.

Have lurked here and at the BDSM Lib. in the past. My life has been more than a little vanilla (straight m/f with just a bit of exposure to a bi sub girl f/f in college), while harboring some fantasies (probably pretty tame it appears) in this realm since my teens. As far as the BDSM title, never had any interest the B portion. However, some interests in various aspects of the remaining three (DSM) portions. :-)

Much of my early thoughts grew around the area of spanking other females, often somewhat older girls for reasons of discipline and/or guidance. In some cases, there were somewhat romantic feels in others not.

Over the years since then, my thoughts and fantasies have evolved more into the potential for providing that sort of situation for females my age or younger and for strange desires to possibly explore a strong dark dominate male providing some of that guidance/discipline to me.

Am somewhat confused about all of this. Have no real idea IF I could be submissive or not. Have long had some modest thoughts in this area, but a situation where an old school mate (she's was at one time a school teacher in a number of places where she moved with her husband) told me (some time ago now) about her 10 month affair with a much younger dominate black guy, while her husband was overseas in the military.

It was very hard to imagine, as she was the last person I'd expect to be submissive (she sort of rejects that label, but surely was that during this affair). I could see her possibly having an affair, but just could not see her as a submissive in any aspect of her life. What this affair did for her was also amazing, in many ways. We've talked about it a number of times and each time she just about glows from the memory. She claims she just put up with the discipline and submissive aspects because the sex was so utterly amazing. However, I'm positive that her submission and how this young (mature beyond his years) guy handled her had a dramatic effect on her.

At any rate, this situation somewhat sparks different, yet somewhat similar thoughts in me or perhaps brought long suppressed feelings more to the surface.

Again, I have modest time available and have significant doubts that I could even have an online sub/dom relationship. Not sure that it's in me and I am sure that if that part of me ever was able to be brought out it would take some doing by someone who was skilled at drawing such things out.

So, my expectations are pretty modest. Mostly reading and learning and maybe having some fun (have had some good laughs over some of the humorous stories that have been posted).

High marks to the folks who help to facilitate the various forms. So many people appear to be very friendly and supportive. Thanks for providing these forums to all of us.

Cheers!

Rabbit1
03-08-2006, 04:02 AM
Welcome to the Forum -VP7 glad you decided to join us ---:wel :wel :wel

Tojo
03-08-2006, 05:34 AM
Welcome to the forum- here's my thoughts on what you said in your excellent intro.
I believe there's not so much 'a' sub or 'a' Dom- I think it's a relationship between two people that works in that way.
I wouldn't want to Dom every woman or every sub- but to do it with my susy is an amazing experience.
You have to find the right person- not the right Dom (or Domme, female version) in my opinion. Someone you get to know first very very well. Someone who understands your limits & needs. Most important, someone you feel comfortable with.
Online works for some people- that's what I do with my susy, never met her & never will (don't think her bf would appreciate that)
I have another kinky friend who I'll be meeting to play with for 'real'- the online thing doesn't work with us.
Check this site out, http://www.submissiveloving.com/ learn all you can, there's a heap of forums & sites.
Feel free to PM anyone who looks like they know what they're talking about, myself included & most of all- don't take it too seriously, it's fun. Lots of fun.

Tojo :wave:

Aesop
03-08-2006, 07:01 AM
That's a wonderful intro VP7. Exploring this part of yourself - especially when you're busy as hell - can be hard to do, but like Tojo says it's supposed to be something you do for fun, not to be taken too seriously all the time even though there are some serious aspects. Looking at it a piece at a time is a good way to begin - instead of thinking of a sub/dom relationship as one big daunting package, think about one or two things you'd like to try and focus on learning about that and maybe finding someone who can give those one or two things to you. Like my namesake says "Little by little does the trick." :old:

Anyway welcome to the forums and if you have any questions don't hesitate to contact me. :wel

submissivewife
03-08-2006, 07:52 AM
:welcomebo Glad you found your way here hope you enjoy yourself here.

subwife

VP7
03-09-2006, 02:21 AM
Thank you all for the warm welcome, kind comments and for the suggestions from Tojo and Aesop.

Tojo ... I did take a few minutes and check out the site you referenced. Looks like a lot of information there to digest. The first few things I did read seemed to be written from a bit of a negative point of view. Think the author was attempting to be very cautionary and probably for good reason. Will return at a future date to explore a little more.

Aesop ... Little by little is about all I'm able to do right now and perhaps that's a good thing :-) for a variety of different reasons. Not the least of which is that I'm still trying to sort out some of my different thoughts and emotions in this particular realm. Sometimes I've felt very drawn in this direction and almost a bit obssessive about it, in a strange/weird way. Other times, it feels pretty comfortable and fun. Yet, often it also feels like foriegn territory.

It's apparent to me that my ignored or sometimes suppressed feelings touches some areas of my life that I've just not addressed and taken the time to explore or to understand all that well.

At any rate, it's been interesting.

Thanks again to each of you for taking the time to extend a nice welcome and/or share a few thoughts with this traveler, who found herself stopping here to look around and perhaps experience a little of the local culture.

If there was a guidebook for this foriegn land ... wonder what would it be called? :-)

-Victoria

PS: I've experienced a couple of "connection failures" where I'm suddenly not signed in to the forum section and need to sign back in before continueing. So far, it's not a big deal. Just wondering if this is somewhat normal?

Tojo
03-09-2006, 04:57 AM
Yes cerina on Submissive Loving is a little jaded, I'd say (!) There's still some good info on there though, I figured you're smart enough to realises there's probably good reasons for her disappointment or whatever.:)

I was going to suggest another forum, which I believe is somewhat sympathic to 'beginners', but I don't want to post it in public. PM me if you'd like it.

As for tech issues- Yeah me too. What's with not being able to PM people? What's the point of having a community for support & help, if we can't contact each other?

I know you have to 'enable' PMs, what's with that? In my short time here, I've seen a heap of people new to the forum & the lifestyle, who can't work it out. Why not just make 'allow PMs' a default, like other forums?

Good to see someone NOT jumping in feet first, Victoria! Take note people!
:hubba:

Tojo

Aesop
03-09-2006, 09:43 AM
PS: I've experienced a couple of "connection failures" where I'm suddenly not signed in to the forum section and need to sign back in before continueing. So far, it's not a big deal. Just wondering if this is somewhat normal?

Actually yes it is. You can try to clear your cookies before you log into the site, but it's been my experience that it will eventually happen again. What I do is open a new tab (I use Firefox) to the Who's Online page. That page automatically refreshes every minute or so and keeps me logged in no matter how slow my other activity is.

VP7
03-09-2006, 02:23 PM
Aesop,

Thanks for the advice ... I've enjoyed being a computer user for many years, but, am not the least bit skilled at the tech stuff. My ex. was/is a real techie and it was easy to just let him take care of everything, so I probably learned less than most folks. But, he's gone and took our newest computer system with him (at my urging because it really was all his doing in putting it together). He got our old system out and did a little work to it and I'm winging it with that for now for now.

As for cookies ... <g> think I've got a fair idea of how to get mine off errr ah clear them ... and as for Firefox ... is that a web browser?

Will give the cookies a try. Thanks again.

-Victoria (learning all sorts of interesting things these days)

Aesop
03-10-2006, 06:07 AM
Aesop,

Thanks for the advice ... I've enjoyed being a computer user for many years, but, am not the least bit skilled at the tech stuff. My ex. was/is a real techie and it was easy to just let him take care of everything, so I probably learned less than most folks. But, he's gone and took our newest computer system with him (at my urging because it really was all his doing in putting it together). He got our old system out and did a little work to it and I'm winging it with that for now for now.

As for cookies ... <g> think I've got a fair idea of how to get mine off errr ah clear them ... and as for Firefox ... is that a web browser?

Will give the cookies a try. Thanks again.

-Victoria (learning all sorts of interesting things these days)

Yes Firefox is a web browser. If you need any tech help feel free to contact me.:)