FurryFury
03-17-2006, 09:23 PM
Virginity Sold Pt 5
He untied me, pulled me close to him. Ian, my new husband hugged me close for a while. Together we talked about the day. It was wonderful talking about everything. He was always so interested in how I felt. It made me feel loved and like he really cared about me.
I wanted to know how he felt about the wedding especially the vows. He made it clear that he’d loved the vows I wrote. Of course we also talked about the sex. I could tell that in some ways he was pleased with me. That allowed me to feel calmer as we talked. His love for me, his happiness with me, shone through his eyes.
I also knew I had to do better. I wanted to do better for him. I was still frustrated in spite of the wonderful way he made me feel. I wanted him, truly wanted him to take my virginity. It’s funny I think I wanted it almost more than he did at that point.
There was also something unsettling in our talk this time. It was almost as if our desires didn’t match perfectly. I guess no two peoples desires do, but this time as we talked a sense of foreboding came over me. A chill went down my spine. It had to be my imagination though; my fears were probably just trying to sabotage this wonderful moment again. That’s what I told myself.
I tried to brush the worry aside. Ian held me rocking me slightly. His hands stroked my hair gently. I felt loved; I really did, until I fell asleep.
In my dream I was in the dark. I was being chased. I didn't mind it though. It was an adventure.
How very clever. They had made a play of it!
See how the man on stilts makes the giant?
This is such great street theater!
Who knows about this?
How many can appreciate this, I wondered?
Watching it was a marvel.
I was filled with delight.
Down the street came a famous actress. What was her name? It eluded me. How frustrating that was. It was someone I liked. Someone I might like to talk with even though the actress was thin and beautiful. Even though it was someone that had likely never felt any of my hardships.
The woman turned ghostly. Her beauty became terrible. She was thinner, elongated. She was now me!
I was in bed. I clutched the bed sheets with all my strength pulling at them as I tried to get away from myself. Scrabbling back in terror. If I touched myself...if contact was made, I was going to be worse than dead. I screamed in terror over and over.
A thought floated in the ether. Am I screaming in real time?
I was caught. A horrible jolt shook me. A deeper dread than I would have thought I could withstand filled me. I bit the arm of my captor, my own arm. I pulled the bitch down, pounding her viciously. It didn't help. Again I was screaming full out, as loud as I could.
Another thought, struck me, this one almost prayer-like. Please don't let me be
hurting anyone in real time.
I heard my own voice. It was trying to scream. I had never known such terror before. In my dream I was yelling full-throated. I heard my voice as it was in real time. It was simply white noise; a whisper yell was all it was. Yet IT was real. It hurt my throat and it woke me up.
I sat up looking about in the darkness. I climbed out of bed making my way to the bathroom. There was only enough ambient light to make the shadows come out and look more real in my rooms. I peed and washed my hands avoiding the mirror. I was seized with terror at the idea of looking at myself in the dark. I felt if I looked in my eyes in that mirror I would see something monstrous. I know it’s a silly childhood fear that probably others have but I hadn’t been this afraid of myself in a while.
I made my way back to bed, feeling safe when I was finally back in the warm covers. I turned my face to the pillow making sure I wasn’t in the same position as I’d been in my nightmare. It was only then that I realized I was alone. I was alone and back in my rooms.
I turned back over and reached out to the side of me. Was I going insane? Wasn’t Ian here? Wasn’t I in our honeymoon suite? Had it all been a dream?
My hand touched paper where he should have been. I reached for the light feeling a new dread. The light was where it was supposed to be in my room. I was back in my rooms. I was alone save for the red glow of the cameras.
I sat up clutching the papers. It was a note from Ian.
My Darling Francesca,
I have to be gone on business for a few days, I’m sorry it’s unavoidable. I know the timing seems horrible but it must be this way. I carried you back to your rooms when I had to get ready to leave. You looked so beautiful I couldn’t bear wake you. Everyone should look so innocent and peaceful when they sleep as you do.
While I’m gone I want you to continue your regular routine. Go to work everyday, go to the bar and pretend in your mind, that you are single again. Make yesterday like a dream in your soul. I have my reasons, so trust me about this. Go with the flow, my heart, and follow your deepest wishes. You will not be disappointed with what I have arranged for you.
Love,
Ian
Once again, he had surprised me. So many emotions roiled inside me like a red killing tide.
I was glad he had seen me as peaceful and not as I was in my nightmares.
I would have liked to have someone there to comfort me when I needed it though.
I felt crushed that he would leave. The fact that our honeymoon was cut so short seemed cruel to me. I knew he was a busy man. He had a lot of business to attend to. If he could have stayed he would have, I was sure of that. We would have all the time in the world later. I told myself that over and over but my silly doubts and fears tried to take over again. My heart felt tight and ached with the pangs of my fear.
Was I wrong to feel angry? What on earth could he mean by telling me to forget yesterday? It was our wedding day! It was the most wonderful day in our lives!
I was astounded that he could tell me that and going with the flow, what did he mean by that? I looked at my clock. It was 5 am. There was no point in going to sleep again if I had to go to work. I didn’t want to go to work. I didn’t want to go with the flow. What I wanted was to throw things and watch them shatter. A rage was building up inside that was scary to me.
Instead of doing anything destructive, I simply took a shower. Like a good little girl, I got ready for work at my useless job. I was getting tired of it. I was getting tried of games. I didn’t want to pretend I wasn’t married. I didn’t want to go with the flow. I wanted to scream and beat against something. I wanted to tear something up.
I couldn’t eat anything for breakfast. I felt sick. The dread was creeping back into my soul. I wanted the sun. I felt petulant. I wanted my husband. I wanted the option to be free and normal.
Most of all I wanted what he gave me when he was around. I wanted the sense of purpose of pleasing him. I wanted the rapturous pleasure and that sweet, sweet pain. I wanted that to begin again and never end. I wanted and needed it all right now.
I started to giggle at myself. What kind of person had I become in the near thirty days I’d been here? I was supposed to be a good girl. I was still technically a virgin but in that moment it was clear to me that like my husband I was deviant too.
As I walked to work I thought about how much I enjoyed the things he did. Particularly when he’d hurt me a little. I remembered that first night when he’d told me he wouldn’t hurt me. He’d seemed like a very strange sort of knight in shining armor then.
I was glad he had hurt me though, even if it were only a little. I wondered why he’d done those things that I so loved. How had he known I would love them? Well, it didn’t matter, he’d done them, he was clearly comfortable with them and he’d made me blissful.
I drudged through my day. My mind kept drifting over the wedding. I was daydreaming and remembering the precious times all day. At the bar I drank my minimum and hurried “home” hoping to find Ian there, as he’d been most nights. I knew it was silly but I wanted to be with him so badly. He wasn’t there of course. My heart fell when I made it to my room only to find it empty except for my solitary meal waiting for me.
I don’t know what I ate that night. I was too miserable to care. I just chewed and spun fantasies out in my head. I didn’t taste a bite of what had been made for me. If Ian had been with me, I’d have enjoyed it but not now. We were newlyweds. Newlyweds were supposed to hole up in a room and fuck like bunnies; rarely coming up for air but here I was alone and still a virgin.
He hadn’t even called me. There wasn’t a new note from him, nothing! I wanted to do something. I was really upset. I looked at the cameras and wondered what would happen if I masturbated now? Would Ian even know? Would he make a special trip back to spank me? He’d told me he’d spank me if I did that again. What would he do if I tore my own hymen? My face, I think must have smiled with a twist of malice when I considered that thought.
In the end I couldn’t do it though. I was too miserable to masturbate. It didn’t work right without him anyway. I would do it just to get him to spank me when he got home I decided. I really was beginning to like the idea of being spanked. That surprised me a lot. Deep down though, I didn’t want to mess up his business trip or hurt him, not really. So I just took my shower. I went to bed and tried to sleep hoping that Ian would be back the next day.
He untied me, pulled me close to him. Ian, my new husband hugged me close for a while. Together we talked about the day. It was wonderful talking about everything. He was always so interested in how I felt. It made me feel loved and like he really cared about me.
I wanted to know how he felt about the wedding especially the vows. He made it clear that he’d loved the vows I wrote. Of course we also talked about the sex. I could tell that in some ways he was pleased with me. That allowed me to feel calmer as we talked. His love for me, his happiness with me, shone through his eyes.
I also knew I had to do better. I wanted to do better for him. I was still frustrated in spite of the wonderful way he made me feel. I wanted him, truly wanted him to take my virginity. It’s funny I think I wanted it almost more than he did at that point.
There was also something unsettling in our talk this time. It was almost as if our desires didn’t match perfectly. I guess no two peoples desires do, but this time as we talked a sense of foreboding came over me. A chill went down my spine. It had to be my imagination though; my fears were probably just trying to sabotage this wonderful moment again. That’s what I told myself.
I tried to brush the worry aside. Ian held me rocking me slightly. His hands stroked my hair gently. I felt loved; I really did, until I fell asleep.
In my dream I was in the dark. I was being chased. I didn't mind it though. It was an adventure.
How very clever. They had made a play of it!
See how the man on stilts makes the giant?
This is such great street theater!
Who knows about this?
How many can appreciate this, I wondered?
Watching it was a marvel.
I was filled with delight.
Down the street came a famous actress. What was her name? It eluded me. How frustrating that was. It was someone I liked. Someone I might like to talk with even though the actress was thin and beautiful. Even though it was someone that had likely never felt any of my hardships.
The woman turned ghostly. Her beauty became terrible. She was thinner, elongated. She was now me!
I was in bed. I clutched the bed sheets with all my strength pulling at them as I tried to get away from myself. Scrabbling back in terror. If I touched myself...if contact was made, I was going to be worse than dead. I screamed in terror over and over.
A thought floated in the ether. Am I screaming in real time?
I was caught. A horrible jolt shook me. A deeper dread than I would have thought I could withstand filled me. I bit the arm of my captor, my own arm. I pulled the bitch down, pounding her viciously. It didn't help. Again I was screaming full out, as loud as I could.
Another thought, struck me, this one almost prayer-like. Please don't let me be
hurting anyone in real time.
I heard my own voice. It was trying to scream. I had never known such terror before. In my dream I was yelling full-throated. I heard my voice as it was in real time. It was simply white noise; a whisper yell was all it was. Yet IT was real. It hurt my throat and it woke me up.
I sat up looking about in the darkness. I climbed out of bed making my way to the bathroom. There was only enough ambient light to make the shadows come out and look more real in my rooms. I peed and washed my hands avoiding the mirror. I was seized with terror at the idea of looking at myself in the dark. I felt if I looked in my eyes in that mirror I would see something monstrous. I know it’s a silly childhood fear that probably others have but I hadn’t been this afraid of myself in a while.
I made my way back to bed, feeling safe when I was finally back in the warm covers. I turned my face to the pillow making sure I wasn’t in the same position as I’d been in my nightmare. It was only then that I realized I was alone. I was alone and back in my rooms.
I turned back over and reached out to the side of me. Was I going insane? Wasn’t Ian here? Wasn’t I in our honeymoon suite? Had it all been a dream?
My hand touched paper where he should have been. I reached for the light feeling a new dread. The light was where it was supposed to be in my room. I was back in my rooms. I was alone save for the red glow of the cameras.
I sat up clutching the papers. It was a note from Ian.
My Darling Francesca,
I have to be gone on business for a few days, I’m sorry it’s unavoidable. I know the timing seems horrible but it must be this way. I carried you back to your rooms when I had to get ready to leave. You looked so beautiful I couldn’t bear wake you. Everyone should look so innocent and peaceful when they sleep as you do.
While I’m gone I want you to continue your regular routine. Go to work everyday, go to the bar and pretend in your mind, that you are single again. Make yesterday like a dream in your soul. I have my reasons, so trust me about this. Go with the flow, my heart, and follow your deepest wishes. You will not be disappointed with what I have arranged for you.
Love,
Ian
Once again, he had surprised me. So many emotions roiled inside me like a red killing tide.
I was glad he had seen me as peaceful and not as I was in my nightmares.
I would have liked to have someone there to comfort me when I needed it though.
I felt crushed that he would leave. The fact that our honeymoon was cut so short seemed cruel to me. I knew he was a busy man. He had a lot of business to attend to. If he could have stayed he would have, I was sure of that. We would have all the time in the world later. I told myself that over and over but my silly doubts and fears tried to take over again. My heart felt tight and ached with the pangs of my fear.
Was I wrong to feel angry? What on earth could he mean by telling me to forget yesterday? It was our wedding day! It was the most wonderful day in our lives!
I was astounded that he could tell me that and going with the flow, what did he mean by that? I looked at my clock. It was 5 am. There was no point in going to sleep again if I had to go to work. I didn’t want to go to work. I didn’t want to go with the flow. What I wanted was to throw things and watch them shatter. A rage was building up inside that was scary to me.
Instead of doing anything destructive, I simply took a shower. Like a good little girl, I got ready for work at my useless job. I was getting tired of it. I was getting tried of games. I didn’t want to pretend I wasn’t married. I didn’t want to go with the flow. I wanted to scream and beat against something. I wanted to tear something up.
I couldn’t eat anything for breakfast. I felt sick. The dread was creeping back into my soul. I wanted the sun. I felt petulant. I wanted my husband. I wanted the option to be free and normal.
Most of all I wanted what he gave me when he was around. I wanted the sense of purpose of pleasing him. I wanted the rapturous pleasure and that sweet, sweet pain. I wanted that to begin again and never end. I wanted and needed it all right now.
I started to giggle at myself. What kind of person had I become in the near thirty days I’d been here? I was supposed to be a good girl. I was still technically a virgin but in that moment it was clear to me that like my husband I was deviant too.
As I walked to work I thought about how much I enjoyed the things he did. Particularly when he’d hurt me a little. I remembered that first night when he’d told me he wouldn’t hurt me. He’d seemed like a very strange sort of knight in shining armor then.
I was glad he had hurt me though, even if it were only a little. I wondered why he’d done those things that I so loved. How had he known I would love them? Well, it didn’t matter, he’d done them, he was clearly comfortable with them and he’d made me blissful.
I drudged through my day. My mind kept drifting over the wedding. I was daydreaming and remembering the precious times all day. At the bar I drank my minimum and hurried “home” hoping to find Ian there, as he’d been most nights. I knew it was silly but I wanted to be with him so badly. He wasn’t there of course. My heart fell when I made it to my room only to find it empty except for my solitary meal waiting for me.
I don’t know what I ate that night. I was too miserable to care. I just chewed and spun fantasies out in my head. I didn’t taste a bite of what had been made for me. If Ian had been with me, I’d have enjoyed it but not now. We were newlyweds. Newlyweds were supposed to hole up in a room and fuck like bunnies; rarely coming up for air but here I was alone and still a virgin.
He hadn’t even called me. There wasn’t a new note from him, nothing! I wanted to do something. I was really upset. I looked at the cameras and wondered what would happen if I masturbated now? Would Ian even know? Would he make a special trip back to spank me? He’d told me he’d spank me if I did that again. What would he do if I tore my own hymen? My face, I think must have smiled with a twist of malice when I considered that thought.
In the end I couldn’t do it though. I was too miserable to masturbate. It didn’t work right without him anyway. I would do it just to get him to spank me when he got home I decided. I really was beginning to like the idea of being spanked. That surprised me a lot. Deep down though, I didn’t want to mess up his business trip or hurt him, not really. So I just took my shower. I went to bed and tried to sleep hoping that Ian would be back the next day.