View Full Version : New to this at my age.
Warbaby1943
05-16-2006, 07:41 AM
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here and hoping to learn a lot. I have decided I am a sub because I want to be dominated by a beautiful mistress. As a matter of fact, I will have my first session with a professional very soon and hope to live out a few of my fantasies.
I'm hoping there is such a thing as submission with out sever pain. Beyond bondage, I really don't know what I would want a mistress to do to me but I know there has to be more than just being restrained by a beautiful woman if I expect both of us to enjoy the together time. I'm hoping the professional I am going to see will take into account my novice status and break me in so I want to return to her. I have expressed willingness in many areas to help her figure out what to do to me and what I can do for her.
Told you I have a lot to learn.
Hi & welcome Warbaby1943. Glad there's someone here older than me & Oz!
Any Dom or Domme worth their salt (or their money) should listen to what the sub wants, their limits & fantasies.
Otherwise I'd be looking for the 'out' door, the 'off' button or whatever. Be true to yourself.
Hope you enjoy it here.
Tojo
Aesop
05-16-2006, 07:54 AM
Welcome to the forums Warbaby. Please don't hesitate to ask questions. :)
Warbaby1943
05-16-2006, 10:26 AM
Tojo & Aesop,
Thanks for the welcome.
Warbaby1943
05-16-2006, 10:37 AM
Hi & welcome Warbaby1943. Glad there's someone here older than me & Oz!
Any Dom or Domme worth their salt (or their money) should listen to what the sub wants, their limits & fantasies.
Otherwise I'd be looking for the 'out' door, the 'off' button or whatever. Be true to yourself.
Hope you enjoy it here.
Tojo
Tojo,
I sure hope she is worth the salt or money because I am very apprehensive at this point and the scheduled session is drawing very near - within the next 21 1/2 hours but who's counting. As I said, I did email her, as requested, with a variety of things (punishments) that I thought I'd be interested in having done to me. Her picture on the NET was very beautiful and I hope I didn't get carried away with things that I won't be able to handle. I am certainly going to ask her for a safe word.
Hope this isn't a violation of this particular forum but I have a question and I hope to get a quick answer. In these professional houses of domination (this one has been around for at least 5 years that I know of) the dildos they use for dildo training and strap ons, do they sterilize them after each use? I certainly hope so. I never thought to ask when I set up the appointment.
Thanks for any help or directions to where I can get an answer quickly.
Silke
05-16-2006, 01:46 PM
Hey Warbaby1943...glad you found the way to us and I hope you'll enjoy your time here. :)
About your question: well, I haven't been to any professional so far (not sure whether I'd have the courage to do it, either *grins*), but I would hope that they sterilize anything they use - that should be standard. If I were to go there the first time - I'd ask them! And if they find your enquiry not submissive enough, too bold, a nuisance - whatever - I'd leave. I'm pretty sure though, that you probably get a positive reaction...after all, they do want you to come back, I hope. ;)
Good luck and lots of fun on your journey! And let us know how it went...:)
Silke
Warbaby1943
05-16-2006, 02:01 PM
Silke,
Thanks. I really wasn't sure if I should ask or not. I really am a novice and didn't want to ruin the scene which is fairly costly. I'll ask the mistress when I call her tomorrow ahead of the session for directions to the place. It is about 1 1/2 drive so if I'm going to ask I may as well do it before I make the journey. I did make a post in another thread about one of my fetishes and that is I love to wear a CB. I got permission from the mistress that books the appointments to wear it to the session. That may give me a little protection.
I just hope I hope I don't chicken out but I don't think I will. I'll report back with how it went after I get back tomorrow.
Camper
05-16-2006, 02:28 PM
Hi there,
I've never been to a professional myself, neither BDSM nor Vanilla, but I can only encourage what Silke said. After all, they provide you with a "service", and in such a case, I would expect them even more to comply to your wishes, interests, questions and even fears.
So go on, indulge yourself.
Or maybe better, let yourself be indulgingly (?) punished. :D
And, from some kind of voyeuristic point of view, share the experience. :284:
Oh, and, by the way,
:wel
Ozme52
05-17-2006, 01:01 PM
Hi & welcome Warbaby1943. Glad there's someone here older than me & Oz!
Any Dom or Domme worth their salt (or their money) should listen to what the sub wants, their limits & fantasies.
Otherwise I'd be looking for the 'out' door, the 'off' button or whatever. Be true to yourself.
Hope you enjoy it here.
Tojo
Yeah... and thanks for reminding everyone Toj.... ol' buddy. LOL
Welcome Warbaby.
Warbaby1943
05-17-2006, 01:23 PM
Reporting back as I said I would about my session.
I went to my scheduled session with a lot of apprehension. I wore my CB, as I said I would. The session was somewhat disappointing but it sure as hell wasn't the mistress's fault. She was absolutely gorgeous. I'm serious she was beautiful and very professional.
The session started out great. I got to experience a gag, a blindfold, some light CBT all the while being restrained on one of those Xs you see at a lot of bondage sites. Oh yeah, there also was a collar and leash attached to my neck. She spanked, tickled, pinched, nibbled on my ear, and rubbed that luscious body against me all the while watching my restrained penis within the CB. By the way, it is made of clear plastic so it can be seen through very easily.
I had a 2 hour session scheduled and all the above was accomplished in about 45 minutes. She had dildos and strap ons laying out for me to see which she intended to use for dildo/training and strap on usage. The items laying out before me were rather large and scary. At least they looked that way to me. I have never even thought of them before let alone experience them being used on me. I was getting a little nervous just looking at those tools of the trade.
She then took me loose from the X and led me by the leash to another room to a couch. She sat down on the couch. Here you have to know she was almost naked from the waist down except for a very tiny G string that didn't cover much. Anyway after she was seated on the couch she ordered me to lay face down on her legs with my CB bound cock between her legs. She then started spanking me with her hand. After about 5 minutes of this she started using a paddle. I could feel my ass getting very warm. That is when I lost complete control and I told her she was making me cum. It really did sneak up on me. She said she knew because she could feel it squirting out of the CB opening. She showed me where the bathroom was so I could wash up. I was so embarrassed I asked her to end the session and we still had an hour to go.
Again, she was very professional and tried to console me in my embarrassment, said this type of thing happens a lot and gave me a big hug and kiss. She said we have a lot more to do. I hated to do it but I knew in my mind I had to leave. She took the collar and leash, and the leather wrist and ankle cuffs off me and allowed me to get dressed. Once I was fully clothed she again hugged and kissed me good-bye.
I don't think I could go through that again but she was beautiful. So was the other mistress who let me into the dungeon. I guess it was beginners luck. Even if I had sat down and held interviews with mistresses I don't think I could have found a better place for my first experience with this sort of thing.
Silke
05-17-2006, 05:07 PM
Oh...wow! What an experience! Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate act. :) I know it's not that easy to talk about this sort of thing to an audience, believe me...I've been there. *smiles*
It sounds like you had a wonderful time even though the session was somewhat ended before you got your money's worth of time. And I understand that the orgasm that sneaked up on you must have been embarrassing for you. But it looks like your Mistress took it well and at least tried to make you feel good about it. Still you say that you think you couldn't go through something like this again...why's that? If I'm being too curious here just let me know, I could certainly understand. But since I'm a newbie myself and haven't had a r/l experience yet I try to take every opportunity to learn more.
Congrats on your courage - you should be proud of yourself for following through with living your desires. :)
Silke
Thanks for sharing that Warbaby. It's damn hard to reconcile the fantasy with reality, I can understand why you ended it early.
Top marks for the lady concerned btw- she sounds very professional.
When I used to be on the receiving end of the ropes & handcuffs, as soon as I had an orgasm, it was over for me.
I never felt good afterwards, not straight after anyway. Of course maybe that was because I was a Dom in sub's clothing?
Hope the next one is more fun- as if you could stop now? :dont:
Yeah... and thanks for reminding everyone Toj.... ol' buddy. LOL
As for you Ozme *52*, methinks you're no spring chicken yourself! :)
Tojo
Warbaby1943,
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story.
Congratulations on following through with a fantasy.
Not only did you take a great deal of time and effort to set it up, you also had to travel to make it happen. Those things alone would have held many back.
You've given yourself memories that you can take out, examine, then determine what the next fantasy will be.
You f*cking rock!!!
As a domme who adores making my pet climax, I would have been very proud of you for admitting that you came. Permission given or not, it means that I've sent your body to a place where I wanted it to be.
Congratulations again!
Big hugs and squeezes,
Ruby
I never felt good afterwards, not straight after anyway. Of course maybe that was because I was a Dom in sub's clothing?
Tojo
Or you were perhaps experiecing that frustrating effect known as sub drop. * wink and a nudge *
Yeah could have been, Ruby- definitely could have been.... :)
Tojo
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 04:08 AM
Or you were perhaps experiecing that frustrating effect known as sub drop. * wink and a nudge *
Ruby,
I can't answer that because I have no idea what it is. Sorry!!!
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 04:18 AM
I never felt good afterwards, not straight after anyway. Of course maybe that was because I was a Dom in sub's clothing?
Hope the next one is more fun- as if you could stop now? :dont:
Tojo
Tojo,
All the while she was with me I had those same thoughts. I was enjoying it but I was also picturing things in the reverse.
As far as the lady concerned, as I said, she was beautiful, professional and I could not have hoped for more. I can't say enough good about her. The hell of it is she was probably younger than my daughter. That made me feel a little uncomfortable but, again, she was great.
Seriously though, I'm not sure there will be another session, as much as I would love one, because of the sneaking around and guilt feeling I went and am still going through. I have a wonderful wife of 40 years and I have never once cheated on her. Now I don't think I can say that any longer.
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 04:21 AM
Or you were perhaps experiecing that frustrating effect known as sub drop. * wink and a nudge *
Ruby,
I can't honestly answer that because I don't know what it means. Sorry!!!
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 04:48 AM
It sounds like you had a wonderful time even though the session was somewhat ended before you got your money's worth of time.
But it looks like your Mistress took it well and at least tried to make you feel good about it. Still you say that you think you couldn't go through something like this again...why's that? If I'm being too curious here just let me know, I could certainly understand.
Silke
Silke,
You can ask me anything any time because I'm so glad I found this site and I have the luxury of remaining anonymous.
Now to try to answer your question. I partially answered it in my reply to Tojo. I have a wife of 40 years whom I have never cheated on until yesterday. As great as she, is she is not into BDSM at all. She used to try some of it just to please me but that has dropped off over the years. Plus without enthusiasm it is not much to brag about. Still I love her very much and would never want to jeopardize my marriage. I rationalized in my mind that even if she found out about this session I could make her understand my need for it because of all the time I tried to convince her to try some of it. Anyway that is one reason.
Another reason is the embarrassment I felt. I mean I always thought I could control myself fairly well but here I was bent over this beautiful young lady's knee, she was spanking my ass, and that made me cum. That shocked the hell out of me. I really didn't want it to happen. I didn't really want to cum at any point during the session. Justification in my mind was if I didn't cum, I wasn't really cheating. I don't believe I could have ever explained that part away to my wife. It happened, it's over, and now I have to move on.
As Tojo pointed out, once orgasm occurs (in a male) the mood is over but that was only part of the reason I wanted the session to end early. Above are the more impelling reasons.
Another reason is I would love to schedule another session immediately but I would want the same lady. As professional and compassionate as she was, I would feel very self conscious facing her again.
It was a long drive home and once I got onto highway where I would have been had I actually gone to where my wife thought I was, I immediately called her. Why did I wait until I got to familiar highway - because I feared an auto accident happening on a road I wouldn't normally be on. How would I have explained that? See all these thoughts were going through my head and I'm not sure I could handle the guilt feeling ever again; nor am I sure I would want to. I wanted it, I got it, I loved it, I felt guilty about it, and now I may have to settle for memories of it just to ease my conscience and nerves.
Even now, as I remember yesterday's events, erotic feelings are trying to emerge. Can I suppress these desires? We shall see if my desires once again get the better of me and I return to the beautiful mistress. It only took me 63 years to go the first time. Wish me luck!!!
Hope I answered your question.
Silke
05-18-2006, 05:46 AM
Dear Warbaby,
I'm so glad that you feel comfortabe enough here to post something so intimate here. Your openness is amazing and I thank you so much for sharing. :)
It's sad to see you so torn between your desires to stay faithful to your wife and following your sexual needs. I can only begin to understand how hard it must be if your loved one doesn't share something that obviously is very important for you. It's hard in any sense, really, but I've found that the sexual desires are among the hardest to deny oneself. And you managed to do that for such a long time which tells me that you care about your wife and marriage tremendously.
I rationalized in my mind that even if she found out about this session I could make her understand my need for it because of all the time I tried to convince her to try some of it.
After what you've said before I'm sure that you indeed could make her understand. Oh my, even reading your post almost made me cry...it's so full of emotions, of love and guilt. How could anyone NOT understand?
I really wish you could share this with your wife instead of feeling guilty, but I understand if that's something you don't feel like you can do. Just for your own peace of mind, though, I hope that you'll find a way to accept your desires and everything that happened during the session. Make it something beautiful to remember, to cherish instead of tormenting yourself with guilt. It's happened anyway, so why not give it a special place in your heart? Just a thought...:)
About the embarrassment of getting carried away within the session. Oh boy, can I understand that! I'd be there, too...but then again, I get embarrassed at pretty much everything. ;) But doesn't it only show how much you enjoyed yourself? And isn't that a compliment for the Mistress? Those would be the thoughts that made me feel good about myself again in that regard. I don't even think you'd have broken off the session if it hadn't been for your guilty conscience about somehow cheating your wife more when you have an orgasm.
From a D/s perspective I'd reason that it was a full success...the dynamic between you and your Mistress was strong enough to override your hesitation, no matter how good your orgasm control usually is. ;) Even if you never work up the courage to do this again, you certainly seem to have found that reality holds up to your fantasies. And I have to say I envy you for that, it's something I've yet to find out in real life.
I wish you all the best whichever way you choose for the future and please stay in touch. As you've already found, this is a very friendly place to share experiences and it's helped me a lot to come to terms with my submissive feelings. We all have an open ear if you want to talk. :)
Silke
Thanks for that Warbaby, sorry I missed the bit about the 'cheating' aspect.
Boy do I understand that. I'm in the exact same situation, with a lovely wife of many years I love very much. She likes to play around a little with the odd rope & occasional touch with a riding crop, but she's just not into it like I am.
I've spent many years with a big part of my life shut off. I get my fulfillment through having online relationships with a couple of girls.
I have a meet planned with a friend- we've seriously lusted after each other for a long time, & want to meet for some D/s fun for a week later this year.
We've agreed that we're both in relationships, we will not have sex, just D/s play & lots of it. It's a hell of a dilemma- I tell my wife I'm going to stay with a friend for a week but not that I'll have her on her knees with her wrists tied behind her back.
So hard to resolve. What is cheating? How true can you be when a part of you wants so much to see daylight?
One of my friends is going through the same agony. Wanting & needing so much to be in a loving caring relationship where all her needs are taken care of at least on an emotional level. Yet is it cheating when you care about someone else? Even if you never meet?
One can have some powerful feelings doing this, or just switch it off & let a part of yourself die.
Myself I feel like I care more for my wife now I have someone to call me 'Master'. Without that I'd be an empty shell.
May you make the right decision for yourself Warbaby. May we all.
Tojo
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 08:55 AM
Dear Warbaby,
I'm so glad that you feel comfortabe enough here to post something so intimate here. Your openness is amazing and I thank you so much for sharing. :)
After what you've said before I'm sure that you indeed could make her understand.
But doesn't it only show how much you enjoyed yourself? And isn't that a compliment for the Mistress? Those would be the thoughts that made me feel good about myself again in that regard. I don't even think you'd have broken off the session if it hadn't been for your guilty conscience about somehow cheating your wife more when you have an orgasm.
Silke
Silke,
I do somehow feel very comfortable here and that is a great feeling to now have friends to discuss these types of matters with. I thank everyone for that feeling.
My wife is a great lady, very loving, very compassionate, best mother in the world, and loved by everyone she comes in contact with. As well as we have come to know each other, I'm still not certain that she would understand. The only thing I have going in that area is she is/was aware of my desires. We haven't even broached the subject in years. Otherwise, we have an enviable life and sex life together.
I agree it does show that I enjoyed myself and that is exactly what the mistress said. I guess I really wasn't expecting nor did I really want to cum but she said that is part of her job. She was absolutely great and I can't say that often enough. She even seemed to honestly care about my feelings of embarrassment and did her best to get me over and past it. I really didn't give her much of a chance given the fact that I left very quickly. The thought immediately went through my mind and I was just wondering if she were picturing me as a grandfather image, she was that caring. It felt like pity and I couldn't handle it at the time.
I would not have broken off the session had it not been for the orgasm. As I said before, there was still so much to experience.
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 09:05 AM
Tojo,
You sound so much like I feel. I appreciate you putting in writing. It is so difficult to go behind your loved one's back when you are basically a very honest person.
Once before I set up a session with a mistress but chickened out at the last moment. This time I debated long and hard before I made that phone call to set up an appointment. Even after the initial contact I still had 7 days to chicken out. I'm glad I didn't but it did teach me a little more about myself in that I did get the feelings and ideas that I would have loved to be the one administering the punishment to that lovely lady. I may even be more confused now than before but I think I'd still prefer to be on the receiving end.
Thanks for your reply, it was great.
Aesop
05-18-2006, 09:07 AM
I just have to say I find your openness remarkable Warbaby. I don't have any practical advice for you or even non-practical advice, but I wanted to let you know that you have indeed found some friends here. :)
Malicat
05-18-2006, 09:58 AM
Personally, I would feel that a lot of your guilt came from your wife, and you've apparently talked to her about your desire to be dominated. Perhaps you should try talking with her about your desire to be dominated a little more now. Open communication I think is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. There is a chance that your wife might simply feel relieved that you are getting your submissive urges supplied somewhere else, provided you still have sex with her.
And as for the orgasm, I've noticed with a lot of men as the guilt increases, the ability to control orgasm decreases. Psychologically, you felt as if you were cheating on your wife, the idea that only orgasm connotates cheating just means that you were feeling guilty already. The spanking punishment reinforced the idea that you were guilty and deserved punishment, and the punishment was making you feel better, hence orgasm. It was almost a foregone conclusion that mentally you would put yourself in the place to orgasm. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in that regard, in my opinion.
--Mali
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 10:27 AM
Personally, I would feel that a lot of your guilt came from your wife, and you've apparently talked to her about your desire to be dominated. Perhaps you should try talking with her about your desire to be dominated a little more now. Open communication I think is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. There is a chance that your wife might simply feel relieved that you are getting your submissive urges supplied somewhere else, provided you still have sex with her.
And as for the orgasm, I've noticed with a lot of men as the guilt increases, the ability to control orgasm decreases. Psychologically, you felt as if you were cheating on your wife, the idea that only orgasm connotates cheating just means that you were feeling guilty already. The spanking punishment reinforced the idea that you were guilty and deserved punishment, and the punishment was making you feel better, hence orgasm. It was almost a foregone conclusion that mentally you would put yourself in the place to orgasm. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in that regard, in my opinion.
--Mali
Malicat,
You haven't said a thing I can dispute except talking to my wife again about this. She has let me know that she isn't at all interested in BDSM and she kind of things I am sick. She doesn't hold it over my head but she just doesn't want anything, including talking about it, to do with it. To her straight sex is all that is important and she enjoys it very much. All in all, I think I'm very lucky to have her but I know this is a taboo subject with her. After 40 years of marriage we've come to know each other pretty well. She just thinks that my BDSM desires are something that are easily controlled. She was correct until very recently. The feelings and discussions that come out of this subject just aren't worth bringing up the subject again with her.
Thanks for the input. I do appreciate it.
Malicat
05-18-2006, 10:37 AM
Malicat,
You haven't said a thing I can dispute except talking to my wife again about this. She has let me know that she isn't at all interested in BDSM and she kind of things I am sick. She doesn't hold it over my head but she just doesn't want anything, including talking about it, to do with it. To her straight sex is all that is important and she enjoys it very much. All in all, I think I'm very lucky to have her but I know this is a taboo subject with her. After 40 years of marriage we've come to know each other pretty well. She just thinks that my BDSM desires are something that are easily controlled. She was correct until very recently. The feelings and discussions that come out of this subject just aren't worth bringing up the subject again with her.
Thanks for the input. I do appreciate it.
Ouch, that's kind of painful in that department, unfortunately. I don't have any really good advice if this is something that is simply taboo between you two. However, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think anyone here would ever think that you are sick in any way. And I would say that all of us, at some point in our lives, have encountered some serious problems in our personal lives due to what we find desireable. So you have company at least!
--Mali
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 01:07 PM
However, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think anyone here would ever think that you are sick in any way. And I would say that all of us, at some point in our lives, have encountered some serious problems in our personal lives due to what we find desireable. So you have company at least!
--Mali
Malicat,
It does make me feel better and I'm very happy I found this forum. Everybody has been so kind.
Thanks.
Yes once a partner has indicated they don't want to know about bondage or D/s play for once & for all, you have to live with it or look for an outlet. They ain't gonna change in a big hurry. This I know!
Anyway after all these years I couldn't imagine saying those things to my wife let alone doing it. 'Can you.....for me please dear?' Yeah right.
One small point re the feelings of wanting to Dom the lovely lady Warbaby- totally normal. I see a sexy lady in black boots holding a whip with 'that look' in her eyes sometimes & I think 'hmm being a sub for her mightn't be bad. (Now girls- don't get any ideas!)
Some people can do both, many of us have feelings either way.
Tojo
Warbaby1943
05-18-2006, 03:56 PM
Some people can do both, many of us have feelings either way.
Tojo
Tojo,
Yes I agree and I am hearing so many things here I hadn't even thought about before.
Ruby,
I can't answer that because I have no idea what it is. Sorry!!!
Hi Warbaby1943,
Please don't be sorry. Please forgive me for using a term without defining it.
Some people also refer to it as "bottom drop". And it's better described below than by me.
From an article called Sub Drop by David Williams
http://bondage.com/topic_id/92087/forums/topic.html
Sub Drop is a term used to describe the after effects of a scene, both physical changes in the submissive's body and mental and emotional results of the scene on the submissives mind. While the physical effects usually occur shortly after the scene, the mental and emotional drop may take days to manifest and thus are often not thought of as a result of the scene.
It is important to note that sub drop is not a sign of a bad scene or lack of enjoyment. Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very intense scene where the submissive completely releases and finds sub space and a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the better the scene, the better the chance for sub drop of either kind.
Am hoping you find an outlet that works for you and your partner.
Ruby
Warbaby1943
05-20-2006, 05:47 AM
Hi Warbaby1943,
Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very intense scene where the submissive completely releases and finds sub space and a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the better the scene, the better the chance for sub drop of either kind. [/COLOR]
Ruby
Ruby,
Thanks for clarifying that for me. I had never before heard of it.
I don't believe you could describe my scene as a very intense one by most people's standards but for me it was. It certainly was extremely different than anything I had heretofore experienced. I guess after your defining it for me, I would have to agree with your analysis. Must be able to happen even though the scene lives up to one's expectations.
Thanks again.