why?

[morganlefay]

i need to know why a Dom/Master would not be consistent, follow through with things he says he wants or expects and then offer no answers? why would it be the sub/slave's fault for asking too much? why would a Dom/Master in general proclaim to be something he isn't and blame the sub for asking too much? why would a Dom/Master dare to spank, or strike a sub and not know about the vital organs he is supposed to avoid? why would a Dom/Master proclaim to be in the lifestyle for 25 years and not know about feeling no pain while under the influence of the sexual high and feeling it when one has come down? why would a Dom/Master not be willing to explain himself so that his sub/slave could understand what is expected of her and what to expect from her Dom/Master?


i have many questions and NO answers!
can someone help? or am i asking too much?
thanks
me

[Tojo]

Welcome, Morgan.

Somehow I think you know the answer to those questions...

I have a question myself- why would anyone associate with such a 'Dom?'


Tojo

[morganlefay]

thank you Tojo for your response...as to why i asked the question? not everyone shares your view....i need to know for myself that if there is anything i need to work on as a sub that i do.....i dont want to assume i am right and torture anyone else with my nonsense...
just need to be fair and have it confirmed by someone with more experience that i am not asking things i shouldnt ask
thank you again.
me

[Tojo]

Oh I think you can assume you're right about one thing Morgan, that you know what you want & what's best for you.

My personal opinion is that there are no rules in a D/s relationship. It's something two people have to work out to their mutual satisfaction. An opinion I know is shared by many people.

Hey don't forget this is meant to be fun? If not- something isn't right.

Hope it all works out- please keep us posted on how you're going.

:noprobs:


Tojo

[mina]

He sounds like a "messy" Dom. By messy I mean he doesn't know what he's doing, doesn't know what he wants from you, and sounds like he's also been lying to you about how long he's been in the lifestyle. Basically, his practices and expectations are all over the place. Messy. Hopefully you and him can talk about this and see if he can work out what he wants or you can safely leave and find another Master.

[Silke]

It's hard (and maybe unfair) to pass judgement without knowing what really went on and without hearing both sides of the story, I think. What happened? It sounds like a scene went way too far and that he's blaming you for not speaking up....but that is just reading between the lines on my part, really.

In general, though...I'd expect some form of explanation or care, too, without blaming or accusing anyone, just showing care and concern and then finding ways to make it better the next time. But if the relationship is worth anything you should be able to communicate that to him, right?

[Uncle_Ed]

Hi morganlefey!

I think I have detected strong feelings of rejection and hurt from your posts.
I visualise you as tearful and irritable and worst of all very bitter.
I sincerely hope I'm mistaken and if I am you have my apology-but I don't mean this as a criticism, it is a sad obervation.

A relationship seems to have meant a lot to you but it clearly should be way more satisfying. Both partners should be positive about what they feel and there ought to be discusions and compromises reached when it goes off the rails-at least that's what I think.

I've always believed that if I cant find what I'm looking for in one place then it's right and proper to look elsewhere.

*Reaches out to give big hugs*

[Alex Bragi]

Hello, morganlefay. Welcome to the family.


Welcome, Morgan.

Somehow I think you know the answer to those questions...

I have a question myself- why would anyone associate with such a 'Dom?'


Tojo

Tojo, has taken the words right out of my mouth.

I think you use the description "dom" rather loosely here, too. Although, I do agree, every relationship is different. I used to chat regularly, on line, with a lady who used to actually enjoy being beaten up; I mean black and blue beaten up. That's a hard on for me to fathom, but I guess everyone's different.

Remember too the three pillars of BDSM: Safe, sane, and consensual. It sounds to me, although I don't have his side of if, like at least two of those components were missing.

I wish you well in the future.

Alex :)

[MrDom]

I Agree witj Tojo and alex_bragi 100% here if it not safe sane and consensual. But I am going to add 1 thing a Dom/Mater needs to take care of the mind first of his sub/slave. before for he can take care of the rest of the body. If a Dom/Master can not do this take care of the mind first and blames a sub/slave for him not being able to do what he says he not protecting the sub/slave. He may not be the Dom/Master for you . listen to the little voice inside you that is usally right you always have choices to stay or leave and that up to you.


MrDom

[morganlefay]

Thank you all for your responses. The advice was well taken and thought provoking. No one person in a relationship is right or wrong. It does take two to make it work. The reason i asked for the advice was to be sure that what i had asked for was not unreasonable or out of sorts for a submissive. I value my choice to be a submissive and want to be the best i can be. If i am not it does me no good to offer myself to anyone in that role.
Communication is so vital and that had been lacking. EXpectations need to be clear and rules be enforced. Structure is the key and i too believe D/s is born in the mind and lives there. It should take more than the body restrained to make a Dom/Master content.
Please dont feel sad :) for i am not bitter nor do i carry any grudges. That would serve little purpose. The frustration is high but the relationship is at an end. The stress for the Dom will now be eased and i am left with lessons learned and growth so it is not a waste.
I appreciate the kindness you all have shown.
me

[Tojo]

A pleasure morgan, I hope you'll stick around with us now.

You're very welcome.:)


Tojo

[morganlefay]

k i'm stuck lol.....nice people are hard to ignore :)

[Dngnkeeper]

Morgan Tojo sumbed it up well. Something is not right.

The good thing is that you are in Florida. There are lots of good folks all over the state. So opertunity abounds for you to find someone with a better attitude.

Good Luck. Good Hunting.

[Ingvi]

You 'hit the sub on the bottom' when you said communication is vital.

Without it most relationships are doomed never mind D/s ones!

Just because someone says they have done something for many years doesn't mean they do it well. My father has been driving for over 40 years and it scares the sh*t out of me just getting in the car with him.

I still come up agains situations that are new to me and I am not sure of my competence to carry it through correctly. In these cases I have three options:

1. Discuss it with 's' and tell her my fears. She is an inteligent lady and together we will weigh up the risks of 'having a go'. Sometimes this is possible by adding layers of clothing or protection as we did when we started using a single tail whip.

2. Go and take part in a workshop where you can get hands on experience of the techniques required. There are many Dom/mes who are more than willing to train you both for a small fee. (I took a whole day of training in use of single tail whip for under $150 (£70) )

3. If I can I try all new pieces of equipment out on myself :yahoo: Not always possible but most can be tried with a bit of thought!!

As Tojo so rightly said it's all about having fun. If the funs not there then you have to either put it back or move on.

[Warbaby1943]

The frustration is high but the relationship is at an end. The stress for the Dom will now be eased and i am left with lessons learned and growth so it is not a waste.
I appreciate the kindness you all have shown.
me
morganlefay,
There was much good advise from knowledgeable people in this thread. I can't add to the advise.

I only wanted to say, without knowing all the facts, I think you made a wise decision. I hope whatever lesson it is that you have learned it helps you in your search for happiness and finding a new relationship, if that is what you want.

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

That was a great many questions Morganlefay, merely
by asking them you've taken your own step to
self awareness.

A realization now that this relationship was not based
on a common goal to create that special bond between you.

Now as you say, you've closed that chapter and it's
time to put pen to page to begin the story anew.

There's really never too many questions to be asked
but often too little in the way of solid answers for
many things in life.

What motivation your Dom may have had may well
not even have been known to him.

Some might see BDSM as a fashion statement.

Others something akin to parlor tricks played out in the
seclusion of the home when things get a bit dull in
the 9-5 world.

It runs the spectrum of that you can have little doubt.

I have my own views on what the true nature of BDSM
is but those I'll keep to myself.:gag:

As for you Morganlefay, you're on a new path now.

Take the road less traveled, enjoy the scenery along
the way and always look to where home is in your
heart at journeys end.:rose:

[Putnamcocpl]

i need to know why a Dom/Master would not be consistent, follow through with things he says he wants or expects and then offer no answers? why would it be the sub/slave's fault for asking too much? why would a Dom/Master in general proclaim to be something he isn't and blame the sub for asking too much? why would a Dom/Master dare to spank, or strike a sub and not know about the vital organs he is supposed to avoid? why would a Dom/Master proclaim to be in the lifestyle for 25 years and not know about feeling no pain while under the influence of the sexual high and feeling it when one has come down? why would a Dom/Master not be willing to explain himself so that his sub/slave could understand what is expected of her and what to expect from her Dom/Master?


Morgan I have watched this thread for sometime, and read the replies given.

Throughout the internet, and hell the real world too, there are people who CLAIM to know things, do things, BE someone they arent. I believe this is the case here. This person may indeed have "25 years" of experience, But it would seem next to nothing, when its was YOUR experience with him that matters. And tell yourself the truth...:cae7gler:

As to why this person would do to you what took place, as Tojo said, I think you know the answer to this question... there are two possible answers..

He didnt know
or
He didnt CARE

Knowing this doesnt make it easier, And please, look at this as not a learning experience, but, just a experience with a poor individual. Just because this person was a true negative in the lifestyle... Doesnt mean the next person you encounter will be as well.