Problem with my master

[BBW Submissive]

I need some advice from experienced masters. To begin I am a submissive. I truly care for my master, in fact I think about him all the time and I wish we were a couple but we are not. We are good friends in his eyes and he does not want a relationship. I think that if I hang in with him he may change his mind in the future. However here is the problem. I am feeling very neglected and unappreciated by him. Yes he does work long odd hours, hence I usually see him at his house after he finishes work which is usually at 1am or 2am. I also see him on sat nights but for a very different reason, that is more of a social gathering and no one at that gathering suspects our master/slave relationship. This Sat after everyone left I had a chat with my master. I told him it had been 4 weeks since we last played and had a master/slave session. I must have unconsiously let more frustration in my voice out than I had intended because he got angry. He said he was a busy man and I had to be more understanding. When we had first started he said we would meet once a week for a session and now it is more like once a month. He is also starting to be a bit sexually selfish with me. It seems that once he is pleased he sometimes forgets to please me. He also seems to be distracted when we do get together for a session and he is not as dominant as I would like him to be.
I sent him an e-mail today explaining to him that I want him to be my master and not my boyfriend. I also told him in the e-mail that even though we are not boyfriend/girlfriend that there is a special relationship between a master and a slave. I told him I feel neglected and that we went from once a week to once every 2 weeks then once every 3 weeks and now once every 4 weeks. I understand he is busy but I think I am being too understanding. He got me hooked onto the master/slave and now he barely sees me anymore. He says it is because of work and I know for a fact that he does not have another woman in his life. We were friends before we became master/slave so I know he is a workaholic but he promised me once a week and it is now becoming once a month. He said he does not want a relationship which is why in the e-mail I pointed out that there is somewhat of a relationship between a master/slave and I told him I feel neglected. I also want him to be more of a master when we are together in a session and he seems very distracted. It is like his heart is not into it.
I don't want to lose him and he says he is still interested just busy at work.
I also told him in the e-mail in all honesty that I don't want to go out finding another dominant to play with because it is going to be hard to find another dominant I feel as comfortable with and trustwise as well.
What he does not know is that I placed an ad seeking other masters to play with already but I get scared when it comes time to actually meet because trust is such a big issue with me and a part of me does feel guilty meeting other masters behind his back.
I want to know from other experienced masters reading this if you feel I am being fair or if I should be more understanding and give him more time? Maybe he will change. I don't know.

[Tojo]

My heart goes out to you B. In my opinion once a month just isn't enough, regardless of the reasons.

He says he does not want a relationship? How can a D/s thing not be a relationship?

I can't see anything you can do to change his mind. I'm sorry, but really it's up to him. If he's committed to you, you'll know it.

He said he'd see you once a week, & hasn't lived up to that? He's broken his committment.

How long have you been together? Do you have any sort of written agreement or contract?

I'm reminded of a saying here- 'Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but don't wish to hear it.'

It sounds like you need to have a serious think about the whole thing- you have rights here & deserve to be taken seriously.

I'm not there, that's just my opinion- you have to make up your own mind.

Tojo

[Ozme52]

Was he a Dom before starting with you or "just curious?" Maybe it doesn't hold the appeal he thought it would.

You may be ready to move on and he is not. If it were a vanilla relationship... what would you do? You may find yourself in that same position.

[BBW Submissive]

my master and I were friends with benefits for about 3 years before we fell into the roles. We were fooling around and he started being more dominant with me. It turned me on and I encouraged him to continue. He apparently has had a submissive before me. He has given me a slave name as well. I basically want to explore my submissive side with someone I trust implicitly and feel comfortable with. The problem has always been time with him. Relationships always end with him because he generally puts more effort into work than anything else. This is the main reason he has no girlfriend. He is an attractive man but he cares so much about his career which is fine but he says he hardly has time for anything else. However he did promise me once a week when we first started the slave/master. Then his work became a problem and our time went from once a week to once every 2 weeks then up to once a month.
If I were to try to find another master my first question is where do I find another master whom I trust and feel as comfortable with? There is no way I am going to meet someone for the first time and then say okay lets go. I can't feel comfortable being restrained by a man I have no trust with. I would be freaking out while in the restraints wondering if I was safe with him or not. Trust in a master is absolute before you play and it takes so long for me to build that trust.
Vanilla sex is okay but it does not turn me on like it once did. I get really turned on by being told what to do while being restrained with a sexy master I am physically attracted to. I am submissive but I also want to be safe. I am not into being dominated by a phone or through a computer. It has to be in person or nothing.
I have tried to post on here asking to meet another dominant but so far nothing. He should live in the same area as myself which is toronto, ontario canada and be compatble with me on all levels. Some masters and slaves are into different things and therefore not compatible.
I think it is going to be hard to find another master and if I have to go out there looking I am afraid I won't find another master I feel as attracted to physically, or be as comfortable with or trust as much. I also feel impatient at the same time. I want to play and I feel very frustrated when I have no master to play with.

[Tojo]

Oh geez B, I wish I could say it will be easy to find someone new. I hear every day how hard it is to find a decent Dom.

You certainly shouldn't just jump right in, my opinion is that you need to get to know each other first before starting a D/s relationship.

From the little I know about your situation, I can't see that time is the problem. More like lack of committment. If he was serious about it, he'd find the time- regardless.

I understand about people not being serious. While I may only do online/phone relationships, I'm very serious about it & expect a genuine effort from my girl.

Yes it does take time to build the trust, but surely it's worth it. Can't you start an online thing with someone & have the proviso that you have to meet before you can get serious? Every girl I've ever played with, started off as friends. I just got to know them, & generally was asked if I'd go the extra step.

Good luck in your search. I hope you can remember to be true to yourself & not accept a compromise.

He loves his job more than a girlfriend/sub?? That sounds a little um.... unusual?

Tojo

[Ruby]

BBW,

Not having your needs met sucks!
Big hugs and hopes that you find what you are seeking.
If not this dom, then with the next.

If I ever wanted to seek out a real life sub or dom, I would start at my local scene.

If you're in a major city, there's bound to be a club or group that fits your personality type. You meet the members at a meet and greet called a "munch" - not in a club atmosphere - usually at a restaurant, or you visit one of the local events. Do your research, because there are typically rules to be followed for attending.
Here's an example set of rules from a group in Florida:
http://www.mastersquest.com/munch.htm

Why would I take this approach? Because subs help other subs. Members talk. If you start attending these events and watching the activities, you'll find prospective doms/masters. You'll make friends and get to know yourself better.

Starting on the Internet, you can use sites like www.collarme.com to broaden your search.

You have to be willing to sort through a lot of potentials and deal with outrageous e-mails/messages.
Be aware, be wary, and guard your identity.

To your success,

Ruby