Subbie Freedoms

[Neil]

I realise everyone is different, I just want to get as broad a range of opinions as possible, and probably discuss them further.

What to you is an acceptable amount of freedom for your submissive to have? Do you have to own them completely, or can they do pretty much what they like when you're not interacting?

Would any of you ever accept them calling someone else Mistress too? If so, would it have to be someone you know or approve of? What about having someone else call them Master? What if they have a need for vanilla relationships aswell? What if they worked in the sex industry, and having sex was part of their job?

Any thoughts or comments will be much appreciated.

[Warbaby1943]

What if they worked in the sex industry, and having sex was part of their job?

Any thoughts or comments will be much appreciated.


If they worked in the sex industry I think that would be great for a scene where they were punished for what you deemed to be unauthorized sex. Did you give them permission to cum? Must they now be punished for doing so? Seems like built in fun to me.

[MsUther]

Great questions Neil, and welcome to the forum :wel
I have wondered about these things myself, without ever formed any clear questions about it. I look forward to seeing some responses from the Dom`s here.

:wave:

[redEva]

IMO this , as well as all other aspects of the relationship has to be negotiated. Some people like to have full control over their partner, though, how practical and possible in every day life, that is, is another discussion. There are subs who enjoy and crave this kind of psychological control, I personally would not care to be at either end of that relationship.

Whether I’m being the Top or bottom, my ideal relationship is one of respect. Neither party can truly enjoy the interaction unless they understand needs and consider wishes of the other. As submissive I will expect my opinion to be heard and considered (of course this applies to the important stuff - not whether or not I deserve to be spanked :P ) .

As a Dominant, I wish to get the input from my partner, but retain the right to make the final decision.

In regard to addressing other people - that is again, personal preference. Some people consider Master / Mistress to be very personal, others take it more as a general title. Seeing other people in what ever role - again, depends on the pre-negotiated terms. If you have open relationship, or one that is meant only for the BDSM purposes, and can work out the schedule - as opposed to being in 24/7 relationship with someone - than it is possible to have any other kind of relationship in your free time.

Communication, negotiation … anything goes as long as everyone involved agrees and is not being harmed in process.

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

Whether I’m being the Top or bottom, my ideal relationship is one of respect. Neither party can truly enjoy the interaction unless they understand needs and consider wishes of the other. As submissive I will expect my opinion to be heard and considered (of course this applies to the important stuff - not whether or not I deserve to be spanked :P ) .

As a Dominant, I wish to get the input from my partner, but retain the right to make the final decision.

Communication, negotiation … anything goes as long as everyone involved agrees and is not being harmed in process. :11:

This is an excellent summation and one that I believe to be a formula
for success in sharing a special bond with someone.

This meeting of minds as RedEva has spoken of is something I've
believed and worked to uphold in my personal relationships.

Freedom always comes with somewhat of a price in all the
facets of life but what makes it all the more sweet is how
we appreciate it and understanding what it means from both
sides of the coin so to speak.

[Timberwolf]

I know this is the "misstress" section but I wanted to contribute anyway because it's a good thread.

Personally, I don't see the fun/neccessity of controlling every little detail of a sub's life. Then again, I'm not one of those subs who cowers in the corner and accepts having no input. And when I Dom I expect the same. I like women who have opinions. Ideas. Why take that away? Granted, if I have a command ("Wear the blue dress. I like it.") I expect it to be followed but I'm not going to micromanage someone's entire existance for them.

And don't get me started on "finincial domination". Greatest scam since the invention of the interest rate.

In terms of calling someone else "Master" - in an online setting I'd accept it. In person, no. If they were bisexual and felt the need to also explore with a Mistress, I would be more understanding, because no matter what I do as a Master there would be certain things I simply couldn't fulfill for that person. If they also said they needed vanilla in their life, I'd hope we could accomodate that together (I likve a scoop of vanilla once in a while too) but if not I'd allow them the freedom to do what they needed.

If they worked in the sex industry and were getting laid by a new partner every week for a living, I'd never be with them in the first place.

[Helen D]

Complete and total control can be very exciting in concept for both a Domme and a sub if both are so inclined but sometimes especially sor a subbie the novelty wears soon wears off when he/she realizes there is something they still want to control.
For me as a Domme personally I think that the most important aspect of my relationship is keeping good channels of communication open.
I will always allow and even encourage feedback from my boy but I retain final say in all things.

[Dorkalicious]

As Timberwolf, I am not a Mistress (or a Master for that matter, lol). But I have to agree with what he says. I personally would like a dom that was creative, demanding, and slightly controlling in things that I do...but I would need to have a voice, even if it was a small one.

Just my humble opinion :)

[Papillon]

As I become more and more expierenced in this lifestyle, I am learning that there are different rules for every relationship. As a Top, I expect to a certain degree for my commands to be followed, as in "When you are around me, wear those boots that I love so much on you",, but I always respect their ideas and what they have to say. As a bottom, as much as i love and respect my Top, she knows that when we are around mutual friends, there is a limit to which i will go, as far as Her commands in front of them.

And as a human being, in the real world, I understand that people have bad days and there will be days when my bottoms (hell even myself sometimes) will not be in the mood to take commands, no matter how small they are and that is where the open channel of communitcation comes in. As long as there is still respect, I can relate to their bad days.

I do not own any of my bottoms, so if they feel like they want to play with another partner, who am I to say "no you can not refer to them as Master or Mistress" and with my Top, since I am still in the early phases of exploring this lifestyle, I discuss potiential (sp?) play partners with her and it's ultimatly my chioce as to whether or not I do end up playing with them and what I call them (or what they perfer for me to call them), but ultimatly my Top knows she is my primary Top and because of that, we have such a beautiful and open relationship.

I hope this helps :)