BDSM_Tourguide
08-13-2003, 05:12 PM
The American Heritage Dictionary's first definition of tolerance is 'The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.' So, what does that mean? Does that mean everyone must accept every other person's quirks, beliefs or lifestyles as their own? Not at all. It simply means that people should try to understand the perspectives from which others' views are developed.
As individuals in the BDSM lifestyle, many of us preach tolerance as if it was a religion, but it really isn't. The simple fact of the matter is that being tolerant does not mean letting people of minorities, different ethnicities, different lifestyles, different religions or different preferences walk all over us like we were doormats. It does not mean we, not as lifestylers in BDSM, but as people, should immediately respect and accept others' beliefs just becuase they are others' beliefs. Charles Manson believed it was perfectly acceptable to live in a communal lifestyle, smoke a shitload of drugs and kill people for fun and profit. However, the American legal system disagreed with this. That doesn't make Americans intolerant, it makes them interested in maintaining order. Just because Manson was a psycho, dope smoking freak doesn't mean we should tolerate his illegal activities.
Tolerance simply means we should try to be more understanding of other people. We should 'recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others,' not that we should accept the beliefs and practices of others as law, or allow the beliefs and practices of others even though they might be illegal, immoral or contradictory to the legality and safety of the majority. Tolerance is just that: Tolerance. It is not acceptance. It is not blind following. It is not an absolute law.
We practice BDSM and to a lot of people that makes us freaks and criminals. Why do people think that way? It's because of what they see of people supposedly in BDSM on TV, in the news, in movies and in press. Most of what people see relating to S&M are the kidnappers and rapists that forcibly take their victims and restrain and rape them. What the majority does not understand is that is not BDSM, that is rape and kidnapping and forcable restraint. Does the majority take the time to reall try and understand BDSM for what it reallyis? No. Why not? Are they intolerant? Maybe, but mostly they are just ignorant. And ignorant is not an insult. It just mean that they don't really know the whole story behind some of the things they don't like, they just know they don't like them based on what they have seen and heard.
We practice BDSM and to some, that makes us a minority. A lot of people would have you believ that, as a minority, people should respect us and what we do just based on our minority stance. That's not tolerance either. That's pity. I don't want people to pity me and assume I need their respect and concern just because of my lifestyle. Tolerance is recognizing something for what it is, trying to understand it and judging for yourself whether or not you should respect it. Minorities should not be respected just because they are minorities, they should be respected based upon the merits and character of the people within their ranks. The Manson Family were probably some really nice people, if you got to know them. They were also a minority, belonging to a group of communal living beliefs. Should we respect them and their beliefs for that? If it were left at that, then yes, we probably should. However, because they were also a groups of drug-using psychopaths, I don't personally find them worthy of my respect. Does that make me intolerant? No, it makes me sane.
Tolerance also does not mean just ignoring someone or groups of people because they believe differently than you do. That's just ignoring people because they believe differently than you do. There's nothing tolerant about that. Tolerance denoted a certain amount of interaction between peoples of differing beliefs. Three stockbrokers at a bar could easily be a black Muslim, a gay male dominant and a Christian church leader. However, as long as they discuss their work, their beliefs and their lifestyles with respect and with an open mind, then they are being tolerant of one another. Likely, these people will not have a problem with one another, because they know each other well wnough to drink together in the first place. Likely, their lifestyles, religious practices or their sexual preferences will never enter into the conversations they have together, because they don't want to talk about that sort of thing. They want to talk about work, their clients or who's best at squash. That is tolerance in action.
I practice BDSM, so I try to be tolerant of others despite their vanilla beliefs or their fetishes. I am a straight male dominant, so I try to be tolerant of others despite their sexual preferences, their gender or whether they are dominant, submissive or vanilla. Technically, I am Catholic, but I also tolerate others' religions. Heck, I get a kick out of talking to the Jehovah's Witnesses that come around every Saturday. That is tolerance. It's not about ignoring people, or trying to convince them that they're ways are wrong or that your way of life is the right way.
However, tolerance, as I said before, does not mean we should all lay down and let other people walk over us just because we think differently or look differently. We should also not allow people to be rude or insulting just because they believe in things that we do not. These people do not exhibit their tolerance of us, therefore they probably do not deserve our tolerance of them or our respect. I will respect and tolerate people just as much as they respect and tolerate me. I expect people to want to earn my respect, not to just expect it from me. I also expect people to expect me to respect tham based on their actions and how well they exhibit their respect to me. I don't want to just respect someone or be respected because of my beliefs or my practices. I want people to earn my respect and I want to earn others.
We, as people, should do our best to be tolerant of others, but we should know what tolerance is before we try to show how tolerant we are.
As individuals in the BDSM lifestyle, many of us preach tolerance as if it was a religion, but it really isn't. The simple fact of the matter is that being tolerant does not mean letting people of minorities, different ethnicities, different lifestyles, different religions or different preferences walk all over us like we were doormats. It does not mean we, not as lifestylers in BDSM, but as people, should immediately respect and accept others' beliefs just becuase they are others' beliefs. Charles Manson believed it was perfectly acceptable to live in a communal lifestyle, smoke a shitload of drugs and kill people for fun and profit. However, the American legal system disagreed with this. That doesn't make Americans intolerant, it makes them interested in maintaining order. Just because Manson was a psycho, dope smoking freak doesn't mean we should tolerate his illegal activities.
Tolerance simply means we should try to be more understanding of other people. We should 'recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others,' not that we should accept the beliefs and practices of others as law, or allow the beliefs and practices of others even though they might be illegal, immoral or contradictory to the legality and safety of the majority. Tolerance is just that: Tolerance. It is not acceptance. It is not blind following. It is not an absolute law.
We practice BDSM and to a lot of people that makes us freaks and criminals. Why do people think that way? It's because of what they see of people supposedly in BDSM on TV, in the news, in movies and in press. Most of what people see relating to S&M are the kidnappers and rapists that forcibly take their victims and restrain and rape them. What the majority does not understand is that is not BDSM, that is rape and kidnapping and forcable restraint. Does the majority take the time to reall try and understand BDSM for what it reallyis? No. Why not? Are they intolerant? Maybe, but mostly they are just ignorant. And ignorant is not an insult. It just mean that they don't really know the whole story behind some of the things they don't like, they just know they don't like them based on what they have seen and heard.
We practice BDSM and to some, that makes us a minority. A lot of people would have you believ that, as a minority, people should respect us and what we do just based on our minority stance. That's not tolerance either. That's pity. I don't want people to pity me and assume I need their respect and concern just because of my lifestyle. Tolerance is recognizing something for what it is, trying to understand it and judging for yourself whether or not you should respect it. Minorities should not be respected just because they are minorities, they should be respected based upon the merits and character of the people within their ranks. The Manson Family were probably some really nice people, if you got to know them. They were also a minority, belonging to a group of communal living beliefs. Should we respect them and their beliefs for that? If it were left at that, then yes, we probably should. However, because they were also a groups of drug-using psychopaths, I don't personally find them worthy of my respect. Does that make me intolerant? No, it makes me sane.
Tolerance also does not mean just ignoring someone or groups of people because they believe differently than you do. That's just ignoring people because they believe differently than you do. There's nothing tolerant about that. Tolerance denoted a certain amount of interaction between peoples of differing beliefs. Three stockbrokers at a bar could easily be a black Muslim, a gay male dominant and a Christian church leader. However, as long as they discuss their work, their beliefs and their lifestyles with respect and with an open mind, then they are being tolerant of one another. Likely, these people will not have a problem with one another, because they know each other well wnough to drink together in the first place. Likely, their lifestyles, religious practices or their sexual preferences will never enter into the conversations they have together, because they don't want to talk about that sort of thing. They want to talk about work, their clients or who's best at squash. That is tolerance in action.
I practice BDSM, so I try to be tolerant of others despite their vanilla beliefs or their fetishes. I am a straight male dominant, so I try to be tolerant of others despite their sexual preferences, their gender or whether they are dominant, submissive or vanilla. Technically, I am Catholic, but I also tolerate others' religions. Heck, I get a kick out of talking to the Jehovah's Witnesses that come around every Saturday. That is tolerance. It's not about ignoring people, or trying to convince them that they're ways are wrong or that your way of life is the right way.
However, tolerance, as I said before, does not mean we should all lay down and let other people walk over us just because we think differently or look differently. We should also not allow people to be rude or insulting just because they believe in things that we do not. These people do not exhibit their tolerance of us, therefore they probably do not deserve our tolerance of them or our respect. I will respect and tolerate people just as much as they respect and tolerate me. I expect people to want to earn my respect, not to just expect it from me. I also expect people to expect me to respect tham based on their actions and how well they exhibit their respect to me. I don't want to just respect someone or be respected because of my beliefs or my practices. I want people to earn my respect and I want to earn others.
We, as people, should do our best to be tolerant of others, but we should know what tolerance is before we try to show how tolerant we are.